HEALING HIM [ ✓ ]

26.

Shivaay was looking out from the window. He was feeling content these days. Everything was going well. His business, his family was happy. Annika was back in his life. Her smile flashed before his eyes and his lips stretched to mirror the smile in his memory.

And the most unusual thing, he was happy!

A emotion that he was foreign to. Yes, there have been happier occurrences in his life but most of them were overshadowed with something terrible. And he was now used to being a stranger to that particular emotion. But life does take unexpected turns. And his life was full of such events. He had shares of both heartwarming joy and wrenching sadness.

He was so used to those circumstances, that at one point in his life, he had started doubting his existence. Because, what he had considered till now, according to him and the world, is that he was never a good news to anyone. That particular words that his childhood had revolved, had now have been engraved in the deep of his mind. And no matter how much he tried he was never able to overcome them.

He knew that Om and Rudra were deep down were angry at him. There were too many emotions in their eyes when he saw them after seven long years. The first one that he recognised was relief!

The second one was the anger.

The third one was their sadness.

Then came out their frustration.

And at last it was the thing, that he had always wanted to see in their eyes. It was happiness.

Something that he never was able to keep.

Those seven years have carved him into the man he was now. Less than a decade but it felt a whole century to him. The same relentless cycles of therapies. Therapies so that he can learn to have good things in his life.

It was humourous when his psychologist informed him that he was scared of being happy. How ironic is that?

Like, who was scared of being happy? Of course it had to be a freak like him.

That was the hardest and darkest part of that chapter. The chapter that contained that seven years of the story. He was struggling with his studies and managing his therapies too. His family didn't know about them. But he knew if he wanted to move forward he will have to conquer over those dark clouds. Or else he will be consumed in them, and this time for forever.

He never expected that it would be so hard to open up to a stranger. To express his vulnerabilities to man he has seen for the first time in his life. The man was really kind to him. He had spent hours in that white room. It was peaceful but the silence that prevailed in the room after the questions was deafening enough.

At the first few meetings he couldn't even utter a sentence. Hell, leave out the sentence, he was not even able to utter words. Sometimes it was just him trying to get hold of his emotions when the doctor waited infront him, patiently.

And sometimes he imagined that it in Annika there with him at his side. And he managed to say a few sentences.

It was never this hard speaking, voicing out his emotions when he was with Annika. He spoke what was in his mind without any hesitation in front of her and she listened patiently. Without any judgements. She used to hold his hand through it all. Her hands tightened their grip around his as a gesture to comfort him or to assure him. It mostly depended on the situations. Words came in flow, he was very hesitant while speaking. Carefully choosing his words so as he doesn't offend the person he was talking to or simply he doesn't say anything that other doesn't like. Or so. But with her he rambled. He could channel his emotions perfectly into the words. That was what she had taught him. She made him open up something that he was not able to even to his family members.