To hold on, or let go? (A Niall Horan Fanfiction) *FINISHED*

Chapter 1

Amelie's p.o.v

"No matter if I fall from the sky, these wings are meant to fly." I hummed to the lyrics as they played. That song helped me a lot, seeing I have had a tough time since my mother left when I was 6.

I pulled out my earphones as the doctors came in and out of my fathers room. I didn't ask any questions: they told me they will tell me everything when they receive information. I was really nervous.

My father was in chemo for his cancer, and it seemed extremely harder to wait through. Everyone was stressed.

Music couldn't even calm me. It normally does.

I scrolled through my song list and tried to calm myself one more time. I chose Grade 8 by Ed Sheeran.

"Your mind is my new best friend...."

I hummed to the lyrics as doctors walked by.

Then the thought struck me.

'What if he's slipping away, right now?"

I tried to push the thoughts from my head. This is too much.

'Oh come on, Amelie. You kind of deserve it. You've heard them say it; they call you fat. Ugly. You know it's true. You're a worthless piece of rubbish.'

Ouch. My mind is a jerk.

I sighed knowing it was true. I pulled out my earphones and stood up. The doctors were filing out of the room. A nurse caught my eyes, and grimaced. She whispered to my favorite nurse, Sandra, and She grimaced also. Sandra approached me with a sad look on her face.

This can't be good.

"Amelie?" She asked. I nodded. "I need to speak to you, in the waiting room." She gestured to the room down the hall. I nodded holding back tears, knowing this was about my dad. We walked into the room and I sat in one of the many chairs, in the room I've spent enough time in to last a lifetime.

"Amelie, please stay calm as I tell you this."

I nodded letting one tear slip, and I quickly wiped it away.

"Your father....." She sighed, her American accent thick. "He only has a few hours to live. We just caught it, and we have done everything we can." I broke down into sobs, falling to the floor. I can't loose him. He's my rock. My soldier. My role model.

I just can't.

Sandra rushed to my side and rubbed my back. As I calmed down, she said "Amelie, I talked to the hospital and they said you can stay as long as you need. They understand."

I nodded and stood up, running a hand through my Curly Red hair. I rubbed my green eyes, red from crying.

I sniffed and walked through the halls for one of the last times. This journey, that lasted four years, is ending tonight. I'm loosing my father.

I yanked my sleeves farther up my wrists as we approached his room.

My father layed on the bed, very weak. His hair was already graying, even though he was only 41. I took in these sights and features of my father, for the last time.

"Amelie," he wrote on his white board. He is too weak to talk. "I love you. I have one hour. I want to spend it with you, doing our favorite thing." I chuckled as tears streamed down my face. I looked over to Sandra, and nodded.

I sat next to my dad as we reviewed our memories, and as soon as we knew it, our favorite treat was brought in. Birthday Cake frozen yogurt.

We ate as we reviewed the memory.

"'Daddy, can we get frozen yogurt please?' He nodded. 'Seems suitable,it being your eighth birthday and all.' My father said, ordering two frozen yogurt bowls for us. He seemed to smile more today than he has for the last two years, since mummy left. He handed me the bowl and we sat on a bench. We ate, and i heard him mutter 'this is the first time I've been happy since Angela left.'"

The first bit of happiness he felt since my mum left.

We talked until the doctors told us he had ten minutes left. Tears slipped my eyes as they cleaned the area, preparing him. I held his hand during the last few minutes, singing his favorite song. "The Cave," by Mumford and Sons.

"But I have seen the same and share the Shame in your defeat. But I, will hold on hope. I, wont let you choke...."

He took his last breath.

"And I'll find strength in pain....." I choked unable to say more as my father breathed out his last breath. Tears streamed down my face as i felt his hand go cold. I let go as they took him away from me. I had lost my father. My only family, except a mysterious uncle whom I never met named Simon. I ran out of the hospital and drove back to my house and ran to the bathroom. I puked up the yogurt, and held myself leaning against the wall.

I cried, and the tears stung my cuts as they fell onto them. My scars.

I haven't cut since I was fourteen, because my father caught me. I eyed the scars feeling the urge to find my razor.

The voice echoed in my head.

'Amelie, he can't find out now... Come on, you know you want to.'

I let the voices take over and I cut for the first time in four years. I opened up my cuts and bandaged them. I cried more and then collapsed into bed , not bothering to change. My last day of school was tomorrow.

I fell asleep to the pain of the cuts and the voices in my head, whispering.

---------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------

OMYGOSH I almost cried while writing this.....

So that's the first chapter. Yep.

Yeah.

So I'm going to do my best to update, because I'm on vacation right now and I'm a bit busy normally but I will do meh best.

So if you guys have any ideas please comment. I love ideas! Maybe yours can be put in the story........ :)

So I hope you guys like it. I'll work on the next chapter. It's a longer one probably. Depends.

Btw I'm dedicating chapters to my favorite commenter! Keep that in mind:)

Comment "Cupcake" if you read all that!!!

Thanks guys!

~hope