Highland love's redemption

Chapitre 9:

I woke up the next morning with the biggest headache of my life.
I moaned and turned myself in the bed when I heard a gentle knock a the door.
The memories from the night before weren't long to come back and I smiled remembering the laughter and dance.

"Eleanor ?"

Lachlan's deep voice was calling me behind the door.

I grunted and suddenly remembered in a flash how I ended up in my bed.
Did I call him hot?
I buried myself in the pillow wishing to disappear for good but Lachlan insisted.

"It's 10, I have to go back, the kids are waiting downstairs."

Shit.

"I'll be there in 5, sorry!"

I apologised for last night and this morning at the same time, I forced myself out of bed, took the medicine on the night table and ran to the shower still in my black dress.
I remembered his hand on me, his look on my face and wondered if I had dreamed all his expressions.
How can somebody be sexy taking off somebody's shoes? The temperature rose to at least 20 more degrees and I turned on the cold water, squeaking at the temperature.
I stepped out of the shower 3 minutes later, washed my makeup from the night before and put on sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt which had belonged to my brother.

I walked into the living room and heard the door closing. Lachlan was gone. Would he avoid me from now on? Did I embarrass him? Oh god how would I apologise for that without dying in embarrassment?

The kids jumped on me to greet me and I did my best to ignore my sore head. They kept me up all morning long and made me promised to go for a walk but the sky seemed to dangerously darken.

At noon, Lachlan skipped lunch and was just passing by to warn us that he wouldn't be joining us. A storm was threatening and he had to finish his day before it hit the island. Our little walk got cancelled at the same time and we spent the afternoon watching Disney+ on the big TV's screen.

The wind was blowing harder every hour that passed and I was beginning to be uncomfortable. At least there's no thunder. I had told myself a few seconds before the first lightning bolt split the sky. I had jumped on the couch which made the kids laugh. I faked a smile to them as the rain fell heavily on the windows.
I was praying for Lachlan to come back soon so I could isolate myself in my room and was happy to hear the door close behind us.
I heard the two dogs shaking off the rain of their fur. I twisted my head to see Lachlan coming back, his light brown hair damped with rain. Our eyes had collided and even at this moment my core had clenched. Our connection was ended by Aila running toward him. He threw her in the air before catching her, making her squeal with happiness. For a moment I had forgotten the rain and the storm outside and as Callum joined them another thunder made me jump again. I clenched my fist and closed my eyes violently but only saw a wrecked car and blood forcing me to open my eyes.
Lachlan's eyes were again on me as I tried to fake a smile. He put Callum back on his feet before declaring he was going to the shower.
Please don't go, please stay, please please don't leave me here.
That's what I wanted to say to Lachlan at this instant and what I had said nearly a year ago in a pile of twisted metal and blood.
I held on 10 more minutes until Lachlan was back to his shower and pretended to feel sick to escape in my room.
I thought of calling my mom but changed my mind, she thought I was getting better, and I was but not now. I had done all the breathing exercises my therapist had advise me to do but each one failed. I picked up a book but couldn't not focus, music failed to quiet my thoughts and I saw his lifeless eyes everytime I closed my eyes. I heard his raspy voice pronouncing my name in a final death rattle in a loop in my head.

I tried so hard to calm myself as best as I could and hated my past-self for having decided not to take my drugs with me.
It felt like hours had gone by and I could not stand the pressure of the memory. I tried to anchor myself to the present but only one date spun in my head with the images of that day.
30th of January.
I'll be the only one to turn 24.
It's your fault, your fault, your fault.