Highland love's redemption

Chapter 10:

I had avoided Lachlan for a few days now, I didn't want to see the pity in his eyes or to talk about what had happened that night.
I was really grateful for his sweetness and his help but also pretty scared about what I had felt. Through the stinging pain I had felt reassured and adored.

The days had gone and tomorrow would've been our birthday. Would be mine and the first without him. My parents had talk about coming here but I had dissuaded them. I wasn't very sure if I wanted to celebrate my birthday anymore cause my birth was meaningless without him.

I was cleaning nearly obsessively the house trying to tame the thoughts and memories. The kids were at a birthday party this Sunday and Lachlan was working on the farm as usual. I had set an alarm to go and pick up Aila and Callum.
I was cleaning the veranda's windows when Lachlan appeared on the other side of it making me sign to come outside.
I slided the window with questioning look.

" You act like a maniac. "

" You sure know how to make a woman feel special Lachs. "

He raised an eyebrow with a playful look.

" Lachs? Where did you find that one? "

I shrugged.

" Anyways, you okay? "
" Yeah of course. "

My voice was too high pitched and anything but natural which made him smile.

" Is that today? "

I shook my head impressed he had remembered the details I told him.

" Tomorrow. "

He nodded and I lowered my stare when his eyes were becoming too heavy to bear.

" Have you planned something ? "
" No. "
" I could call my mother if you want. She will take care of the kids for the day and... "
" Please don't. "

I cut him.

" Thank you for the offer, it's very kind but I will need to do things and the kids will distract me. I'll need to be with them more than ever if that make sense. "

Something in is eyes changed.

" And I don't want your pity Lachlan. "

He took a step toward me and I took a step back tripping on the veranda's doorstep. Lachlan caught me before I fell and I hit his strong chest, cutting off my breath.
His head was looking down at me and I could not look elsewhere but toward his lips. The tension was nearly unbearable when he replaced a strand of my hair back behind my ear.

" If there's anything I don't feel toward you Leannan, it is pity. "

His thumb grazed my lips and I really thought he would kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me, so bad but the distant alarm of my phone cut the tension and woke us from our transe.

" I... have to go and pickup the kids. "

He let me go and I could still feel his eyes burning as I turned my back. I felt my head heavy from the tension between us. I hopped in the car and exhaled, my forehead against the steering wheel.
I was scared, terrified by this attraction and was wondering if I was ready. If I even had the right to go pass my grief and think about any other feeling than loss and pain.
I turned on the engine still confused and a tear ran on my cheek. I was more lost than ever and the conflict raging was messing with my head. I regained composure before arriving to the the house and the kids' joy had me over my sadness and fear.
They talked to me about their day, their friends and what gift he had, and I realized that's all I needed. Their happiness was so innocent and easy to earn. I envied them remembering how I used to take it for granted not so long ago.

When we arrived at the farm the kids insisted to go and see their father and the cows so we went in the barn where Lachlan was refilling hay for the animals.

I turned my attention to Mora and pet her to distract myself from those deep green eyes.
I felt his presence before he talked to me.

" Are we back to avoiding each other ? "

His voice was low as he whispered.

" I never avoided you. "

I lied, my voice was barely audible.

" Don't you? Why are you not looking at me now? "

I swallowed hardly and looked at him. His eyes were darker than usual. I felt the urge to lower my gaze but held his anyway.

" What do you want ? "
" Isn't it obvious? "

I dropped my head suddenly really interest in the mud on my shoes, Lachlan immediately took my chin in his hand, forcing me to look at him.

" I am done playing Leannan. I don't have the time nor the patience for it. I can be very stubborn when I want something and I want you. "

I felt my cheeks burning.

" I am too old to play the shy lover baby and I can clearly see that's not what you want me to do. "

His voice became deeper as his eyes landed on my lips.

" Tell me you don't want this and I'll let you go. "

Shit. Shit. Shit.

" Da! Look. "

I let out a relieved breath when the turned his head. I would not survive this. For the second time today my heart was pounding so hard I swore it could get out of my chest.

Aila handed a rock to her dad who kneeled to her.

" It's a heart da! Look and it has eyes. "

She got closer to her dad and put her hand on the side of her mouth to cover the secret she was telling him in his ear. She retrieved shyly looking at me with a knowing smile.
Lachlan got up and turned at me.

" Well apparently this is for you Leannan. If you want it of course. "

His eyes were glowing with mischief as I took the heart shape rock in my hand. His finger caressed the inside of my wrist unnecessarily sending shiver on my arm.

" Right kids, it's getting cold here. Better get going before we get sick. "

Lachlan lowered his voice for me to hear.

" This is not over. I won't let go that easily. "

He turned back to his work and I went to the house with the kids. The evening went pretty fast, Lachlan stayed late out and the kids were already in bed by the time I heard the door close downstairs.
I stayed in my room scared of the aftermath if I met him downstairs.