The Chaos Crew (Statehumans)

HQ

The gang was cruising along the highway in a discreet black van with tinted windows. In the trunk, was tons of snacks, sexy expensive clothes, plushies of humorously controversial public figures (for Florida to snuggle with) and a briefcase full of cash.

"Gotta say Cal, it was smart of you to convince Ohio to give us all this nice sh*t as compensation for working with him," Texas said. California smiled.

"I don't do anything if there's nothing in it for me," California said.

"You don't ever do things outa the kindness of your own heart?" Alabama asked.

"My heart is cold and dead," California said. Texas rolled his eyes.

"If your heart is cold and dead, why did you care so much about New York basically cheating on you?" Texas asked. California frowned.

"It hurt my ego, that's all," California said. Texas shook his head, knowing California was way more sentimental and loving than he was letting on. Soon, the group arrived at the small warehouse building Ohio was gifting them as their secret HQ. 

"huh, not a bad place... looks like it's already furnished," California said as the group started unloading their goods. They went inside, and saw the entire interior of the warehouse was furnished like a modernistic mansion lived in by soulless celebrities. Ohio was in the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of wine.

"Welcome to your new home, my agents," Ohio said, grabbing a collection of wine glasses. "Please, help yourselves," Ohio said. California poured himself a glass, while the rest of the group took seats at the kitchen bar counter, wearing matching confused expressions.

"Ohio, you own this building?" Alabama asked. Ohio nodded, smiling charismatically.

"I do! It was an old warehouse for one of my many companies... of course, when we moved to a bigger warehouse, I decided to make this place my own private vacation home," Ohio said.

"I didn't know you were ballin' this hard," Florida said, already swimming in the indoor hot-tub sitting by the window. 

"... I'm still confused. If you have this much money, why didn't you just bail us out?" Texas asked. Ohio chuckled.

"Oh Texas, you're so suspicious of everyone!" Ohio said.

"What? I'm just asking! And you are explicitly being suspicious!" Texas exclaimed.

"Yeah, I think-," California started, before Ohio handed him a pearl necklace. "... Are you bribing me into no longer questioning your motives?" California asked.

"Is it working?" Ohio asked.

"Slightly," California said, taking the necklace. "But I still wanna know exactly what you want from us," California said. Ohio nodded.

"Of course, of course," Ohio said, before pulling a map out of his pocket and laying it flat on the countertop. Texas, California, and Alabama leaned over the map, observing the different destinations Ohio had circled, each destination having a checklist of items listed next to them, as well as a time and date. 

"To make your overall objective as simple to follow as possible, I will allow you three to use this map. It lists all the locations you must go to to retrieve these precious items," Ohio said. The group scanned the map, growing a bit weary of Ohios intentions.

"Wait, you want us to infiltrate a bank?" Alabama asked, pointing at the bank Ohio circled on the map. Ohio smiled and nodded.

"It is the right thing to do," Ohio said.

"I don't think robbing a bank is ever really justified...," Alabama said.

"Oh calm down, you four just need to look at this in a much more utilitarian way... this is for the greater good here!" Ohio said. Texas furrowed his brow.

"I'm not comfortable with this... I think we should probably leave-."

"And go where? All of your homes have already been repossessed," Ohio said. The group all stared incredulously at Ohio.

"What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? But we were only in prison for a week!! What about all of our belongings?!?!?" California exclaimed. Ohio smiled.

"I hired a team of movers to bring your belongings to one of my storage garages, so they're safe with me- New York did seem to take most of what was in your closet though, since he paid for a lot of it," Ohio said. California was visibly seething.

"What about all my cars?!" Alabama exclaimed.

"Tennessee has 'em. He's taking good care of them, I'm sure...," Ohio said, conscious of the dread Alabama was experiencing over whether or not his beloved cars would be properly taken care of. Ohio turned to Texas.

"Your brother and sister already started renting your house in hopes of keeping it for you," Ohio said.

"Oh thank god," Texas said. Ohio sighed.

"Yeah, I didn't have a lot to emotionally string you along with...," Ohio muttered just softly enough for the group to not quite understand him.

"Huh?"

"Anyway! Are you guys pissed off enough to help me? I don't mean to be dramatic or anything, BUT AN EVIL SOCIETY IS LITERALLY PULLING THE STRINGS BEHIND ALL OF YOUR FRIEND'S DECISIONS TO UNANIMOUSLY RUIN YOUR LIFE! Not that that's a big deal or anything," Ohio exclaimed. The group all exchanged glances.

"Fine, f*ck it. I'm pissed off enough," Alabama said. California nodded. Florida shrugged.

"I'm not pissed off much at all, but I'll come along for the ride," Florida said. Everyone looked expectantly at Texas, who sighed.

"I guess it's either this or go back to prison... ugh... I'm in," Texas said. Ohio smiled.

"Perfect... Your first mission starts tomorrow!" Ohio exclaimed.