College Roommates (soukoku fanfic)

Why is this my life

TW: self harm, suicide thoughs

Dazai fell asleep in his bed for 3 hours, when he woke up he felt pain all thru his body, he noticed Elise wasn't in his room, meaning she went to go sleep her self. Dazai broke. He felt like shit. He looked under his box he hid under the bed and grabbed his old blade. He couldn't shed a single tear, he knew damn well.

That he deserved this.

He took some bandages off and started cutting, with voices repeating over and over his head.

'You deserve more pain'

' Keep going, you deserve this'

'Its your fault'

'Why are you alive? You keeping getting hurt, no matter how far you run'

'You will always get hurt'

'Stop running, end it.'

'What are you waiting for'

'End it'

'Your gonna get more hurt if you dont'

Dazai fell to the floor, he felt his head so blurry, he wanted one person to be with him right now, but he wasn't here, he needed to get away from this deep pain. He couldn't breathe, he felt his chest hurting, he continued to cut over and over till his arm was covered with red.

The color red. All over his arm. Dazai then stood up, still can't cry, with all the emotions he couldn't let out. He felt so stone and numb.

*Why am i still alive, what's the point, i tried escaping this pain, but now I'm back to where i was all those years ago, i tried to run from you, but you still blame me for the things that happened that was your fault. What did i do to have this life, end it all, i should just end it, what's the meaning of this life, if life is just always pain. Life is not worth living for when all i get is pain. I want it to end. I want this pain to stop, i thought i escaped. Its funny how i thought that, damn it, i wanna die, but dying alone? Do i want that, i want to die, but alone i dont, im always alone, im to scared to bring people in my life, im scared they will see me as weak person, they'll be scared off me. Chuuya... Please dont leave me.* Dazai thought to himself.

He put the knife away and looked for his phone on the ground, he found it and there were 60 unread messages from Chuuya.

Dazai couldn't reply, feeling like a failure.

He walked back to his bed and started looking at the photos of Chuuya from his gallery. The first night when hes not sleeping with Chuuya. The brunette felt alone.

*Id do anything to be with you right now Chuuya* Dazai thought.

He slowly closed his eyes and fell asleep. With dried blood on his arms from the cuts. He was now fast asleep.

A/N:

Anyways hi

Idk how to write depressing stuff so i just use my own feelings and add stuff to it from Dazais situation.

Anyways remember guys, you are loved and stay safe.

Im sorry 😭

also i tried to not make it long as possible

next chapter will be better i promise.