Gerard's POV
After we got in my car not another word was said, once we got home Mikey went to his room and locked the door. I know this because I heard the clicking of the lock as I walked up the stairs with a sick feeling in my stomach, the comedown from cocain wasn't good at all. I felt dizzy and would get really cold while others were hot. The circles under my eyes were seeming to get darker with every second and every betrayl was painful and hard to take in. Frank caused me so much pain and I would sit there and let him whereas my brother was only trying to help and I was constantly offering him reasons to hate me.
At the top of the stairs I found myself face to face with Mikey's door, and I walked up to it. Listening to him like I used to do when we were kids, to make sure he was okay. To make sure he was still breathing. I listened closely and heard him walking around, then I heard his breath quicken until a sob escaped his lips.
Although I couldn't actually see him the image of him sitting on his bed panting and breaking down passed through my mind making my chest flutter.
I knocked on the door softly, "M-mikes, let me in." I muttered and there was a light shuffling before the door opened. His eyes were red but his cheeks were dry, knowing he was trying to hide the fact that he was crying from me hurt my feelings because he used to be so open with me, I had lost his trust and I had only done this stupid drug once although I hadn't been asleep since I did it last night. "Can we please talk?" I asked and he shrugged, "I think we need to." We sat down on his bed and he stared at me waiting for me to explain.
"You said that you wanted to marry me... Mikey you know that's not right don't you? Its incest and its illegal." I was talking through feelings right now, I loved Mikey and I wanted to marry him too. "Yes I know it's wrong but I can't help it... It just really hurts to see you beat yourself up over someone who doesn't care about you. Gerard I've been trying to make you notice me for months. I hardly eat because I feel like my image is why you don't return my feelings. I don't talk to people anymore because you might find my opinion annoying." He looked me dead in the eye and I felt so bad about the tears brimming his eyes.
"I... You're already perfect. So damn perfect.." I was at a loss for words somehow when there was everything I could say, anything would make this better, but at the same time nothing could. "You never made me feel that way Gerard, yet I always did my best to make you feel like the most important human being on earth." I sighed and decided the truth was my only way out.
"Mikey.. I like you, I find you very attractive and I've fantasized about it before but I'm your older brother. I didn't want you to feel like I was some creep rapist. Im supposed to keep you out of trouble, and watch over you, and teach you how to get girls but really I just want to make you feel as important as you are. I wanna kiss you all over, and wake up next to you, and just be there to reassure you when you break. Because your always so broken, and you never smile and its so wrong but.. I know exactly how you feel and there's nothing wrong with it."
He nodded and then leaned closer, "What kind of fantasies?" He literally whispered this in my ear and made me flinch. "That's a story for another time." He pulled back and looked at his clock, "Bed time yeah?" I nodded and we undressed, climbing into his bed together and fell asleep.
We didn't fuck.
We didn't even kiss.
Because right now, we don't have to to know how much we mean to eachother.
