True Colours

Progress

“Let’s sleep, Louis. I think we both need to rest. I’m so sorry for what I put you through,” Harry asks quietly, gets up from the sofa and extends his hand to Louis.

He weakly puts his in, wipes the tears from his face and goes into the bedroom with Harry. It goes without saying that Louis stays with him, it doesn't even have to be said that they both need this closeness to each other.

And it also goes without saying that Harry is the one holding Louis today. Out of gratitude, the urge to take care of him and because he wants to prove to Louis that it's not a one-way street but that he can and should let go with Harry.

Both are too tired to speak and so Harry just holds him close in an embrace with his bandaged arms. They don't need anything more right now, it's enough for the moment.

It doesn't take long for both of them to fall asleep. But neither for Harry nor for Louis does it seem to be a deep and restful one. Harry keeps waking up every now and then, either because he's afraid Louis might have left or because Louis keeps groping for him and probably has the same fears.

It's almost midday when Harry opens his eyes and takes a quick look at his alarm clock. There wasn't enough sleep, maybe four or five hours, he doesn't even know exactly when they went to bed. Shortly afterwards, Louis opens his eyes tiredly, probably on high alert and immediately sensed that Harry had woken up.

“Wanna hold you tight, come closer,” Harry murmurs and hugs Louis tighter. Doesn’t pay any attention to the pain in his arms, which can be felt more now that the painkillers are wearing off.

"Lou...why did you lie for me in the emergency room yesterday?"

“What do you think, hmm? I’ll do anything for you,” Louis sighs.

"Just not what I really want," Harry whispers.

Louis lifts his head and his blue eyes are as dark as a stormy sea and Harry is willingly drowning in them.

“Before we talk about us… please call Dean and tell him what happened. In the best case scenario, he will give you an appointment for today.”

Harry doesn't even try to argue but just nods and reaches for his phone. He has to briefly close his eyes to muster up the courage to dial the number and confess how weak he was. Still is, he's not kidding himself.

Dean answers after the second ring and Harry breathlessly tells him the reason for his call while Louis smiles encouragingly at him. Harry is supposed to come late this afternoon, Dean is postponing his closing time and taking him after his last patient.

“Can we talk now?” Harry asks as soon as he hangs up.

Louis nods and they both turn to their sides facing each other.

"Why do you think I would break your heart, Lou?" Harry asks.

Louis swallows audibly a few times and then begins to talk quietly. “Noah was my first great love. God, it's been years since I've said his name again," Louis chuckles coldly. “Noah was bisexual but only discovered that when we met in a club. The first meeting as friends quickly turned into something more. Actually, we were secretly a couple. At least from my side. At the beginning, Noah often told me that he just wanted to fool around, his first experiences with a man, so to speak.”

“Like me,” Harry whispers, and an understanding sets in - how it must have been for Louis all these weeks.

“Yes, like you,” Louis confirms quietly. “The months just flew by and my feelings for him grew stronger and stronger. I really loved him so much. Noah, on the other hand, never said it back but didn't say anymore that we were just friends either. I was sure that he also had feelings by now, but because he wasn't out, he didn't express his love for me. In retrospect, it was really stupid of me to assume that. When you love someone you want to scream it out, right, especially when you're already in a kind of relationship? At least that's how I felt and I actually told Noah how I felt every day. I was living in a delusion to be honest. One day after we had sex I asked him to move in together. Again, I was sure he loved me too. And then he broke up with me, if you can say that when you were never really together in the first place. He told me he didn't love me and left. He just left and took my heart with him. I wasn't even worth a clarifying conversation with him anymore. He was actually so emotionally distant from me that he could easily leave me naked in bed. He had fun with me one last time... I felt like a toy that was no longer needed. Couldn't he have ended everything before sex? Or would he have taken advantage of me for many more months if I hadn’t been too much and asked him to move in with me?”