True Colours

Realisation hits hard

Harry misses Louis.

And after a week of not seeing each other, it's slowly taking shape that he can hardly concentrate on anything anymore. Neither on his courses, nor on the books or films he consumes in the evening.

Of course they text, have even spoken on the phone here and there, but it's not the same. Louis has been busy studying the last few days for his exam today and Harry decided this morning to pick him up from university and surprise him.

It's not just the sexual thing he misses. Rather, it's Louis' personal sunshine in which he loves to bathe himself, letting himself be warmed inside by Louis‘ infectious laugh or the touches that feel like rays of sunshine on his skin.

Harry just feels strangely empty when Louis isn't physically with him and sometimes doesn't know what to make of it. Can he become so dependent on his friend? Is it because he's never had anyone else who cares about him like that and still stays with him no matter what strange behaviour he shows? What if at some point Louis gets tired of all the fiasco with Harry? How is he supposed to cope if Louis turns away from him too? Harry doesn't have an answer to just one of his questions and only knows that he wants to do everything he can to become a better friend to Louis, to be stable enough to listen to any problems he may have, and to give more instead of taking. Gotta make sure Louis stays in his life forever.

And the first step is to show Louis how important he is to him. Harry even cancelled the rest of his yoga classes for today because nothing could stop him from seeing Louis today.

After the last participants of his course said goodbye at lunchtime, Harry can now use the changing rooms for himself.

He showers, blow-dries his ever-lengthening locks and knows it was a mistake the moment he looks in the mirror and he looks like a version of Hagrid. And especially today when he finally sees Louis again after days. He quickly ties his hair up in a high bun and then rummages around for his clothes.

Harry has actually gone through with it since he made his decision and stopped wearing any of his feminine clothes. It doesn't feel right now that he's already admitted to being also into men. That's enough for him to deal with and at least he wants to keep his external appearance as clean as possible.

And so he puts a pair of black, wider-cut pants over his legs, throws on an equally black sweater and the only splash of colour on his outfit are his light blue Adidas shoes.

Harry looks at himself critically in the mirror and, like the last few days, has to get used to these darker clothes. No more jeans that emphasise his legs and no more blouses that allow him to show off his chest tattoos when it’s half-open.

You're still gay. Nothing about your clothes changes that, Harry.

Harry rolls his eyes at his little monster and begins to mantra-like tell himself that he is bisexual. Until he believes it again and the little monster retreats into one of the dark corners with an annoyed sigh. Harry almost feels judged by it. Wouldn't be the first person in his life.

With a glance at the time on his phone, he makes his way to the tube to finally see his favourite person again after seven long days.

ꔹ⊱❣︎⊰ꔹ

Harry can already see Louis coming out of the university, close to him is Liam and another man that Harry doesn't know. Louis hasn't spotted him yet and Harry hates that Louis doesn't magically find his gaze immediately and instead laughs so loudly with the other two men that it echoes across to him despite the distance. What is Liam even doing here? Is he studying psychology with Louis? It doesn't sit right with him that Louis has such close contact with Liam, with whom he danced so obscenely back then, not only in his free time but also during his studies.