Last Thing You'll Do

Chapter 18

As the tingling remained Regina left the master bedroom at a fast sprint. Relief flooded her veins as the feeling persisted despite not being in their room any longer. She wasn't ready to not consider it theirs. It would always be "theirs". She tried her hardest not to trip as her feet carried her down the stairs as fast as they could. Mindlessly she took opposite staircase to one she'd taken on the way up.

Entering her study, Regina kicked off her uncomfortable shoes and poured herself a glass of cider. It was much too early to be drinking but Regina felt she needed artificial courage as she ran her fingers across the small book's cover before she sat down. She felt she had to sit down for this. Whatever this was going to be. She placed her tumbler down after she took a much too healthy chug of the liquid within. Emma had promised Regina would one day read what this book contained, was it too soon? Looking at the small book she could see it held more than simple written pages. Certain pages seemed thicker than the others. Regina resisted the urge to open the small diary at those pages. She was going to do this right.

Regina felt her eyes moistening at the prospect of what she was about to do. She was about read Emma's thoughts... Emma's life for the last four months. She knew the basics. She knew that much but these pages they held her last chance to have an insight. Her last chance to understand and live Emma's last days with her. Part of her couldn't wait and yet the part...the bigger part felt apprehension. What if reading it made Regina feel worse? She had felt during Emma's explanations Emma had sugar-coated some things. What if what she read made her feel worse about letting her walk away all those months ago? She doubted it was possible but the small book clutched in her hands had the power to do it. To destroy her.

She had to do this. She was going to do it! Regina took another large gulp from her glass. She could still feel the familiar prickle down her spine and across her skin that only Emma brought. Whether she believed in such things, she felt as if Emma was in the room with her. Sitting just out of sight, making sure she wasn't alone. She took comfort in her fantasy. Maybe it wasn't healthy to think such things. She didn't care. Right now it was a fantasy that allowed her to keep breathing. A fantasy that allowed her to finally open the first page.

She was greeted by Emma's neat handwriting. It had improved greatly since her first days as Sheriff. With the amount of paperwork Regina and Snow had made her fill out as they played out their terms as Mayor it was hardly a surprise the blonde's writing had improved dramatically. Regina felt her tears fall at she took in Emma's instruction. It was there in black and white; that if anything should happen to her the book should be mailed to Regina at their address.

It was something Emma had clearly added once she left for Boston. It was agonisingly clear that had Emma passed away while she was in Boston that the person responsible for her things had to make sure Regina got this small book. Regina didn't know if knowing such information made it easier or not. They hadn't been together and yet Emma sort to even after she'd left this world for Regina to understand. Understand she still loved her. Turning the page she saw the book was more of a notebook. It had no dates but the one inscribed in Emma's hand at the top of the page. What surprised her more was the line that followed; the one that read "Dear Regina".

19th March 2014

Dear Regina,

I don't write diaries. I don't really know where to start. Before my life in Storybrooke, my life wasn't interesting enough to write down to read in years to come. I don't know how long I'll keep this up or how long I'll have to. I thought maybe it might make it easier if I write my entries to you rather than "Dear diary". We'll see how it goes. All other diaries I've written have barely made it to January 14th so wish me luck!