I've returned from the past

Chapter 18

Fleamont Potter's Diary 

December 25th 1963

My friend, 

My dear, dear friend... where do I even begin? It's been three years now, I suppose. I swear I can still hear you cajoling me over the potions in that strange voice of yours sometimes. Bloody Merlin, without you helping me I'm still making all those mistakes from those old habits you tried to help me with. I was going to send you a Christmas Gift this year- I finally found that original book you wanted. On the Ancient Magic of the Mediterranean. You seemed so dearly invested in it. I understand that your family may have brushed it off but both of us seem to have our unique hobbies. 

We have a son! I know, I know. It's very late I'm aware. We named him James and Merlin he's a crier. He's gotten better but I think you would have liked him very much. He's very fond of Euphemia and she's delighted to finally have a son to dote on. Much to her delight he seems fascinated with animals and not at all interested in Potions. He seems intent on trying to eat what is on and around my work bench so my dearest banned me from having him in the lab. Probably wisely. 

I am, however, still struggling. 

I never expected to have to raise James on my own Hades. You always vowed to help me with my family- to be there for Euphemia and I- and James was born- and you died. 

You were dead. No- there's no were. You are dead. You are gone and no potion can reverse that. 

Euphemia has her friends- her family- they're all still alive. Father died a few years ago and I don't know what to do. Tom hasn't visited once. Orion has. To see your Godson. He's inconsolable Hadrian. None of them are. They're all gone. 

Euphemia says I'm similar. But I do try and be a present father- I don't purposefully tuck myself away. I cook dinners- with those recipes you taught me actually. That book you put together for that one Christmas when I ruined the potatoes remember? It's helped me and Euphemia a lot actually. They're easy recipes, especially when dealing with a particularly fussy two and a half year old. I brew pain killers and sleep potions too- I also made a kind of diffuser that safely allows James to breathe in the sleeping effects if he just won't sleep. It's a last defence kind of thing but we both invented that for people who were susceptible to not waking up when directly digested- 

Ah there I go again. I'm sorry, I lost my train of thought.

I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶

No. No I do miss you. I miss you a lot- 

I'm looking into the man who killed you Hadrian. 

I want revenge. 

I want to ask the man who killed you, Why?  Why would you do it? What did you do? 

I want to run him through with a flesh eating poison and watch him writhe- 

I'm angry. I'm angry and I can't stop. 

I'm scared I'll hurt Euphemia or James- Filius reached out to me and I've joined a duelling club again. It'll keep me on my toes I suppose. 

Septimus is keeping his distance, again. As always. 

Orion hasn't dropped by in a while- it's comforting to see him but he isn't you. 

He isn't you and you're not him and it's all a mess Hades. 

Come back home. Please.

January 15th 1964