Witness

35. Chelsea

I collapse into the bed of soil beneath me. 

The sunlight probably won't die for at least an hour or two, so being on the allotment is still permitted. Nobody is ever around at this time though, after work, so it's eerily silent. Nothing but bugs and water and the buzzing of generators in a few greenhouses. 

Kaiden's words are...a lot. 

Pushing them to the back of my mind didn't work. Thinking of them over and over and over didn't make them any less true. Weirdly, I remember comparing him to Damien a lot at the start, him hating it, me doing it more. I thought they were both the same. 

I don't think that anymore. 

Damien might hide it better, but he's just as psychotic as his brother. If I were to turn up dead in the next few weeks, he'd be my first guess as to why. 

Not that I could guess if I was dead. 

My fingers push into the mud. 

No plants, even though I planted radishes not too long ago and they should've begun sprouting by now. Nothing but dirt. 

The irony staring me in the face - that my life is just dirt, no plants, too - is not as funny as I wish it would be. 

Kaiden should be here any minute. I invited him over half an hour ago and the read receipt was right there on the phone. I don't know why he wouldn't show; like him, I'm not opposed to showing up at his favourite places out of the blue. 

Something wet splashes across my face. 

"Mrah-" 

I don't know what that sound was but it came out of my mouth anyway. I barely open one eye to look up at the source. 

"Fucking fabulous." 

A dark grey cloud seems to have materialized out of nowhere. 

End me now. 

Another raindrop lands on my nose and dribbles down my cheeks. 

I breathe out a huff of air and turn to the left, pressing my cheek to the ground. 

And then I stop breathing. 

Because there, just about peeking from the ground, is a tiny reddish-green sprout. The radishes. The radishes. 

The rain starts coming down hard but I care a lot less as I brush my finger across that little sprout.

My life isn't just dirt. I don't know why I bog myself down with these thoughts whenever things get hard. I'm here because I love the outdoors, because I love plants and wildlife and breathing in the fresh air. 

And Damien doesn't fucking own me, no matter what he thinks. 

The £5000 dropped into my bank account this morning doesn't mean a fucking thing. I won't touch it. 

In fact, maybe I will touch it. Maybe I'll use it to screw him the way he thinks he can screw me. 

"Chelsea," Kaiden's hands are suddenly on my face. My eyes pop open. "Fucking- Christ, Chels. I thought you were..." 

Because I'm soaking wet he slips out of his jacket and pulls it over my shoulders, gesturing to the gate he came through. I'm sure his car is just around the corner. 

"You came," I say. 

"Why wouldn't I?" 

I let him help me up. 

"Because of what you told me earlier." You killed your brothers dealer. His murderer. "Where'd you buy the coke?"

"What?" He grimaces, trying to wipe the rain from my cheeks. "Has this weather gone to your head, Jones?"