Countryhumans Oneshots

IKEA Rampage (Saskatchewan)

Trigger Warning: Lots of cussing

Saskatchewan paced back and forth in her room as her twin sister, Alberta, snored on the top bunk. She'd been pondering the same question for some time now, quite a few hours actually. Why didn't she have the same of her siblings did? Now if she were to tell her siblings about what it was she wanted, they'd just laugh at her.

All her older siblings, (hell, even her twin sister-) had an IKEA. My god, did SK wish she had one. She'd tried convincing her siblings to talk to the people who run their IKEAs to put one in her province, maybe in Saskatoon, so that she could have one. But nooooo, they had to be stubborn! 

"That's not what we do, Saska," SK heard her sister Ontario's voice echo in her ears, "We do political things, not give every provincehuman an IKEA just 'cause they want one."

Despite her siblings' stubbornness, she was determined to get what she wanted. All she had to do was figure out how... That's what she'd been doing for the last seventeen hours.

Maybe go to Sweden and tell him to tell the CEO or whatever of IKEA to make a store?
Or hype up the territories so they band against their older siblings to get an IKEA?
Or see if her biological parent, Assiniboine, is willing to talk to her father, Canada, to get an IKEA?

No, Sweden doesn't let you into his country after you called for dishonor on the person who made the meatballs at IKEA. Apparently that was his spouse.
No, the territories don't care or are too young to be able to understand what IKEA is.
No, you only see Assiniboine every once in a while, besides, I don't think she really cares about IKEA.

She had no idea what to do. Suddenly, she got an idea. A terrible, awful idea that made her grin like the joker.

"Hey!" she yelled into nothingness, "You! The narrator!"
What, me?
"Yes you! Let me be the narrator for once!"
Oh nonononono, you're not qualified. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, she-
"This is my story! Let me be the narrator!"
Uh-
"Come on!"

No.

Despite her efforts to get the narrator to budge, it didn't work so the narrator went bACK TO DOING HER JOB WHILE SK SAT AND THUNK, AS SHE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO BREAK THE 4TH WALL.

"Pleaseeee???"
I already told you, no.
"Fine!"

SK had thought of a terrible, awful idea that she thought was a foolproof way to get what she wanted. She was going to take over the narrator's job- WAIT NO-

...

"Hiiiii!"
"Oh yeah, you can't tell what I'm doing without the narrator, can you?"
"Probably not... I just kicked the narrator out of her job, that's all! It's my turn now."
"Alright, since I'm the narrator no more quotation marks...

Hi! Obviously, the narrator explained my dilemma or not being able to get an IKEA, which sucks ass! My idea is to go to my sibling's IKEAs through this... whatever the narrator uses, and steal the things there.
Once they see things are missing, maybe they'll think, "Oh, we shouldn't have a store here 'cause it's getting broken into" so they make a store in my province! It's awesome, right?

Now I just need to figure out how it works... Oooo, there's plans for new stories here! Like Greenland and Antarctica... nice. Still doesn't answer my question as to how this works though. There's a narrator for dummies book, right? Right? Wow, that was cool. I didn't know I could do that! Hello.

Dannggggggg. Pretty sweet. Anyway, uh, I figured it out. I just have to think of the place I wanna be at. Obviously, one of Quebec's stores.

_____IKEA in Quebec #1______

Uh, now we're here. Cool. Since I'm the narrator and I have magical powers, I can just enter the store no problems!

*boink*

Oww, apparently not...
Looking into this store, I'm not sure what I was actually planning on getting. I don't need furniture. But I know my sister Manitoba could use some candles though! She didn't actually ask for them, but she definitely needs them.

Suppose I can steal some of those. I stole 69 of them exactly just to spite Mani, since I know she hates that joke. I'd better check out the restaurant to make sure their meatballs are good. If not, I'll put them in PEI's pillowcase.

Holy shit, it's been so long since I've been in an IKEA. I forgot how long it takes to get anywhere in here. It's furniture galore in here.

After fucking hours (maybe shorter, BUT STILL-), I'm at the restaurant, and it looks pretty decent. I don't think I'll go on a rampage in this one. Time to think of a different one-
I'M BACK!
What the fuck? I tied you up!
Yeah, so much for that. Look, no offense but you suck at narrating. I doubt the readers fully understand what's going on! Look, I can narrate but still bring you to places.. how's that?
Deal.

SK decided that this store didn't deserve to have dishonor called on it, so she went to the next store, again in Quebec.
This store was different, however, as people were in it. She really should've thought about that before committing crimes against the narrator for this. Anyway, she started to panic, knowing that two things will happen:
1, they get mad and call the cops
2, they recognize her as a province and get scared

Usually, it's #1, but you never know.

"Well damn it," SK thought, "Narrator! Help me out here!"
What? How?
"Transport me to the warehouse! I'm getting a couch!"

Worried that Saskatchewan was going to pull the same stunt as earlier, the Narrator quickly transported her there, hoping she'd hurry and not be like the Narrator's mom, who takes hours to pick a color.

Unfortunately, she was.

"What do you think? Pink or grey?"
I do not care, just please hurry up.
"Geez, kids these days."

SK eventually picked a color (pink) and had the narrator help her transport it to her house. Of course, things just had to go wrong so Alberta woke up while SK was unpacking the couch.
"Wha- What did you do?" Alberta asked, more confused than a 90 year old.
"Uhhh, I got a couch??"
"Yes but, whyyy?"

She then, painfully, had to explain the whole night up to that point, with Alberta looking confused but also annoyed at the same time. Alberta tried to talk to the Narrator too, but the Narrator is not as naive anymore.

"So, how do we explain this to dad?" Alberta asked, concerned that their father would be unhappy at the events that had previously taken place.
"Good question. Narrator!"

...

"Narrator!"

...

"She's ignoring me.. Uh, I guess just keep it a secret?" Saskatchewan said, unaware that her father was standing in the doorway.
"uhh-"
"It'll be fine, Bertie! Don't worry about it!"
"Ahem."
"Oh shit."

Let's just say, despite Canada being a more nice person, he really let SK have it. He was unhappy about everything that she'd done, and grounded her for the next few weeks. 
"I didn't tell him about the narrator though, so I can talk to you!"
Unfortunately...
She is already planning how to sneak into Sweden later tonight to call dishonor on more meatballs.
"Veggie balls, thank you very much!"
Whatever.

_________________

I really hope this didn't suck lol

I tried to make it as random as possible but I think I just made it cheesy TwT

Thank you @NikaLEMONtherian for the request, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Farewell~
-written-by-an-idiot

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