Impulse

5

Nathaniel
I feel like a dick i hate having to be two different people but it's what i have to do to save face. Part of the job description they never tell you about. I wanted to explain, help her feel less alone. I know what lonely is like, it's not fun. I can't though. I wish it took her longer to catch on honestly.

I left her alone for the night, we have 2 days on the road to get to our next venue. I approached West because he's the only one around here i can talk to even if he sides with Emma most of the time.

"Hey" he spoke looking up at me "oh what's wrong?"

I didn't realize my distress was that visible. "Nothing just feeling bad for the newbie" i admitted.

"It's not our job to keep her company and string her along, women are emotional and they get attached. You got to keep your distance." he stated.

"It's not like that, it would just be a friendship so she's not so alone you know?" i responded trying to sound as none defensive as possible.

"Dude i saw the way you looked at her, how easily you guys clicked. You can't have that shit, it's not good for your career or the bands."

"It's not like that again. The physical attractions there, but i wouldn't ever act on it. She could have a boyfriend or be into girls for all we know. I just don't want her to feel alone" i confessed. I know what it feels like to be alone and in an isolated space. It's not a great time.

He took a deep sigh before replying "Do what you want Nate, but don't let me or anyone catch anymore than a friendship from the two of you and do not get caught with her and her alone for the press to catch and spin it into a bigger thing."

"Yeah what he said, don't let that happen or i will permanently have you guys separated and i will make you explain it immediately to all socials" Emma chimed in which startled me because i didn't see her approach.

"Jesus Emma how much did you hear?" i asked looking at her with my eyebrows furrowed.

"Enough to get the gist, i'm heading to bed you boys need anything before i do?" she asked

I shook my head and West verbally said no and told her goodnight.

"I'm heading to bed too, that set had me beat." West said to me and i nodded getting up and heading to Sterlings door. I knocked a couple of times before i heard her sigh and make her way to the door.

"What" she spoke harshly.

"Can i come in?" i asked

"Why scared people are gonna see you talk to me?" she scoffed.

"No, but i do want to talk to you about that" i said before pushing my way in.

"Or just come in" she mumbled under her breath, but i heard. She shut the door and sat on her bed waiting for me to talk.

"Listen what i did was shitty and i'm sorry. We started off on the right foot then i completely messed it up by acting the way i did. I really don't want you to feel alone on this long trip, it's gonna be a headache to get through and it's gonna be a bigger pain in your ass if you're isolated and alone. I know i'm not your favorite person, but i do want to be here for you" i spoke and i stopped myself so i wouldn't further ramble. I don't even like talking to people, but she made it easy. Like every part of me just wanted to tell her everything that i've ever held it, but i wouldn't and i couldn't.

"Okay, so are you gonna explain why or are you just gonna brush past the explanation?" she asked looking unimpressed with my apology.

I wanted to tell her, but i couldn't i didn't want her to feel unwelcome by the crew. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair she's cute when she's mad. I brushed my thoughts off and sat next to her far enough that i wouldn't be tempted anymore than i was.

"I just wanted to pretend i'm someone i'm not i guess. That rockstar, cool, reserved, egotistical" i started and she interrupted.

"asshole" she finished my sentence.

"One, rude, two deserved and yes." i joked and i got a small smile out of her which felt like a small victory.

"Okay then, if you're not just a rockstar who thinks he's cool and mysterious and an egotistical asshole then who is the real Nate?" she asked moving criss crossed and turned herself towards me.

I laughed a bit at her question and shrugged "I don't know exactly. I'm just Nate, i like singing and songwriting. I don't like to talk about my family particularly, i know real mysterious of me truly. I like reading, murder mysteries preferably.  I like true crime stuff, not really all that into horror movies, but comedy's are essential for me. I like mac and cheese with ketchup, weird yes i know don't say anything to that and i honestly don't have many people i'm close with so i haven't had to genuinely think about how to start a friendship and get to know people so how i'm doing?" i rambled. of course.