𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐎𝐎𝐍 - rewritten | ✓

THIRTY

She kept the umbrella aside, keeping her back to him. Her breathing was shallow and quick. He looked around, observing the minimalistic interior.

He looked at her before taking a step closer. Tears burned in his eyes and he gripped her waist turning her around. He hugged her tight, silently crying on her shoulder.

Her eyes closed as she shuddered, his coldness enveloping her as he hugged her tight to his soaked form.

His silent cries turned a bit loud as he mumbled apologies into her shoulder. She trembled in his arms before wrapping her arms around his neck.

Her hand dipped into his hair making water run down her hand. "I'm sorry, Maham, I'm sorry," he sobbed. She opened her eyes, before slightly pulling away.

He looked at her, his eyes red with tears. Her hands trembled as she raised them and wiped his tears. She was making a big mistake. A huge mistake.

She promised herself that this would be the last time she would listen to her heart. The last time she would give into her desires.

'You are incredibly stupid, Maham, stupid, idiot, dumb, stupid,' her subconscious spoke as he leaned down, meeting her lips.

Her fists clenched and her eyes kept open, looking at the wall as she hesitantly kissed back. His hand moved to the back of her head and he pulled her close, making her shiver again.

━━━━━━━

Regret and embarrassment filled her up as she lay in bed, breathing heavily. She wanted to hit herself for the stupidity she had done. Had she had no self-respect at all?

She forgot everything he did and said all because of her weak heart. She wanted to tear her heart out of her chest and throw it away.

Zayaan kissed her neck, his hand running up and down her arm. She swallowed the lump in her throat before pressing her hands against his chest.

She slightly pushed him and he laid down beside her. She sat up, keeping her back to him as she started to get dressed and he did too.

What was the point of saying that to him now? Now that she had given him a sign that she wanted to be with him. She clenched her fist and shook her head.

"Mujhe divorce chahiye, Zayaan," she spoke, leaving silence in the room.
(I want a divorce, Zayaan.)

"Maham," he spoke but she shook her head, stopping him.

"Just- just do this one last thing for me and free me from this relationship." She said, looking at him with no emotions.

"And what about this? Kya yeh sirf mujhe umeed done ke liye tha?" He asked, grabbing her hand when she was about to leave.
(Was this only to give me hope?)

"This... was my own selfishness," she said, looking at him before pulling her hand away.

━━━━━━━

Maham stared at her phone. Tears ran down her cheeks as she listened to Aydin's baby voice and hers on the phone.

"Do you love mommy?" Maham asked, in the video.

"Sureee," Aydin nodded, as he fidgeted with his fingers.

"How much do you love mommy?" Maham asked looking at Aydin as he opened his arms, widely making her laugh. She kissed his cheeks.

"Love you, mommy," Aydin said and the video finished. Mahama wiped her tears and kept her phone away.

She was not lying when she said that Aydin was her strength. His birth was a miracle in her life. It was a gift and it was a reward for all of the years she had to stay through the abuse.

Even when she thought of forgiving Zayaan, she always thought of Aydin. She did not want Aydin to be the part of life she never wanted.

She wanted to escape her past. Remove it. Burn it away from her memory and so whenever she thought of forgiving Zayaan she thought of her younger self.

The little girl sitting in the dark storage room, crying because her aunt had locked her in. The little girl crying in her grandmother's room quietly because her aunt had burned her arm.

She felt physical pain when she imagined Aydin going through such a thing and she had made up her mind that she was not going to live with Zayaan.

This was for her. For her younger self. For Aydin. For his future.

Aydin ran towards her, jumping on the sofa and settling himself in her embrace. She smiled and kissed her head.

"Gudda," she said, kissing his head.

"What is that?" He asked her and she chuckled.

"It means doll," she told him.

"But I'm a boy," he pouted and Maham chuckled.