I Need More Time (ShinKami)

Funeral Pt: 2

TW: Emotional distress, Language, blood, 

Hitoshi walked into the area where the service would take place and sat down with Mizuki in his lap and Mihoshi sitting next to him leaning on his side. The rest of his family came later and his mother, brother, and sister sat in the row behind him, while his father, sister, nephew, and niece sat by him. some people who they'd gone to high school with, who were big-time heroes now showed up. 'They didn't even know her let alone like her' Hitoshi thought to himself as he watched the people flood in delivering condolences to the heroes who never cared about Miyako or took the time to know her, avoiding Hitoshi like the plague. Denki showed up a while later right before the service started and sat in the same row as Hitoshi. "Sorry I'm late," he said as he sat behind Hitoshi. "It's fine, I don't think the living or dead care too much," Denki chuckled at Hitoshis remark. "you're right, you're right,"

"How many people wished you condolences?"

"like five i think, how many did you get?"

"none,"

"Are you serious? none? not one?"

"my boss and a couple of co workers only because they felt obligated, but nobody else,"

"well im-"

"dont. i hate that,"

"So you weren't complaining?"

"oh god no, these people never even liked her let alone knew her, they say what they say because death is awkward and inevitable and maybe theyll he able to slide by it easy,"

"such an optimistic worldview,"

"... yea,"

Hitoshi didn't think it when he said it but Denkis response to the phrase reminded him of what people had said to Miyako and him when they brought up gruesome ideologies regarding life and death, and how only the others really understood it. he then realized he quoted Miyako word for word, it made him hurt to think about it. "you ok man?" Denki asked as he put a hand in Hitoshis shoulder. "yea, yea, fine," "ok,"

the services started, Miyako was commemorated as a hero of sorts and badged, not that it matters anymore or did in the first place e . She hated getting the attention on her, the all eyes aspect of life. people who barely knew her told stories about her, sharing memories of her life. Around half way through the service Mizuki started to cry, So Hitoshi took her out of the area where the service was being held. Mizuki cried unstopped for a while. "come on Zuki, please calm down," Hitoshi begged as he swayed in attempts to calm her down. he eventually went into a playroom and resigned himself to the idea he would likely be in there for until the service ended, he didn't mind it, he hated being in there, a room full of fake ass people. Another fifteen minutes passed and Mizuki was still crying. She had been fed and changed but still cried, probably exhausted from not sleeping. Denki knocked on the door and poked his head in. "there you are! your mom was looking for you, says you've gotta do a speech," he said as he walked in and sat next to Hitoshi. "then it's a good thing she doesn't know where i am, because i'm not doing that,"

"Understandable, you want me to take Mizuki for a minute or two?"

"yea, sure," Hitoshi handed the crying Mizukis to Denki and readjusted how he was sitting. After a few minutes Mizuki had calmed down. "what'd you do? drug her?" Hitoshi asked "no i dunno what i did, what didn't you do?" Denki said.

"drug her,"

"very funny,"

me Zuki reached out for her dad and Hitoshi pulled her into his lap, she was yammering on in a babyish babble that was near impossible to understand, but Hitoshi picked it up and talked back to her. she giggled so hard when he talked back saying 'no, no, daddy,' if he didn't understand, placing her hand on his mouth. Hitoshi tried his best to fake smiles and laughs for his daughter, but Denki could see how hard he was trying to keep it together. The more Hitoshi tried not to slip up the harder it became because he could feel the last remnants of his composure failing. "you're doing good, you know that? i can't even imagine what guts it takes to fake it like that," Denki said absent mindedly. "you're raising great kids," he continued rambling on about what great kids Mihoshi and Mizuki are and will grow up to be.

Hitoshi felt like a terrible father in that moment, he felt inadequate to raise such girls as his own, and that he needed his co-pilot in life with him to even do a remotely good job and have these girls turn out to become the best they could. He broke into a thousand shards of emotions. sadness, failure, anger, fear. He felt bad because he noticed more and more now, his wife's traits in his daughters, he felt bad because now his daughters would have to grow up without their mother to show them the things mothers should, he missed the feelings Miyako gave him, he missed feeling like he was, at the very least, enough, he missed his wifes touch, he missed the assurance he and Miyako would exchange with one another, he was scared he wouldn't be enough for his girls, he missed the way his daughters had laughed, he missed security, he missed his wife, the love of his life gone with barely a chance to say goodbye.

Hitoshi broke down in sobs. It was the first time he really cried since that day. He handed Mizuki back to Denki, pulled his knees to his chest, put his head in his arms and sobbed. It was the first time he'd let himself go like that. emotionally. His body shook with the sobs, he tried to be as quiet as he could but the gasps came loud and filled with emotion. He hadn't cried like that since he was a little boy, if ever.

Denki stared at Hitoshi, not knowing what to do or how to help him. He rubbed Hitoshis back, in hopes that it would help. Hitoshi didn't move Denkis hand or push him away, he was happy to know that at least someone in this godforsaken world cared, that wasn't Mihoshi.

"It's ok, it's ok," Denki comforted as he rubbed his hand on Hitoshis back. "no its fucking not," Hitoshi stated harshly, salty tears draining into his mouth and anger seeping into his tone as he struggled to catch breathes in his lungs. "she should still be here. it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, not fair, not fair, not fair!"

"your right its no-"

"I hate it here! Everyone is convinced that I had her knocked off or just killed her myself! god, why are people so fucking mean and ignorant and stupid and awful!? I fucking hate everyone!"

Denki didn't know what to say or what to do to help so he stayed quiet afraid of making the situation worse. He knew Hitoshi didn't mean the last part about him hating everyone because he knew how much he loved his daughters and that he was tolerant to say the least of him. So he kept on rubbing his back. Denki stopped paying attention to where or how he was rubbing Hitoshi back, tending to and playing with Mizuki, his hands wandered up to Hitoshis hair and he spun it around his fingers, until Hitoshi swatted his hand away. "Stop, just stop," Hitoshi said, gritting his teeth so he didn't stutter, tears coming harder and faster and breathing became a luxury almost. "Right, sorry," Denki was shocked by Hitoshi's reaction to him touching his hair.

Mizuki reached towards the ground so Denki put her down, she moved over to her dad and grabbed his feet, pulled herself up and played the drums on his feet. She muttered babyish nonsense to comfort her father as she continued to tap on his shoes. "Lull lu, (love you)" she said. Hitoshi didn't look up, he just moved his hand towards hers and held it. Mizuki moved her head so it would be on his hand, she kissed his hand the way little kids do. "Al beto? (All better)". Hitoshi started to cry harder, the simple gesture made him lose it even further. "Yep, yep, all better," he sobbed. He said it to make his little girl not worry about him any more than she might have been in her little head. She was smart, too smart to not understand what was happening, she hadn't been sleeping and she was crying more than she ever had, she knew her mom was gone and she hurt because of it but she didn't understand the hurt. She didn't know where her mom was or when she was coming back so she asked. "Where mommy?"

"I-i dunno sweetpea,"

"When home?"

"N-no, shes not, she's gone,"

"It otay,"

Mizuki crawled onto the couch and next to her dad and leaned into his side, "it otay," her dad sat there and felt even worse, he couldn't really move so he sat there, feeling bad that he couldn't return the kindness. More time passed and more tears fell and more and more, Hitoshi would get better and worse, then better and worse until the service had ended and people came looking for them. Hitoshi had cried so hard he gave himself a nosebleed and his eyes were red and he had burst blood vessels in them.