I Need More Time (ShinKami)

Pretend

TW: Death and grief, Violence and murder, Emotional abuse, Blood and injury, Graphic description of trauma. if any of these upset you pls dont read on 

 They drove to an ice cream shop to chill out from the funeral. Hitoshi ordered the ice creams and sat down on a bench with his daughters. "Daddy?"

"yep Mochi,"

"Is everyone a liar?"

"Why do you ask?"

"everyone at the funeral didnt care as much as they pretended to,"

"you know how?"

"my brain. all i could hear the whole time was their thoughts and nobody meant anything they said,"

"people lie when they think they should and a lot of people thought they should so they did,"

"Did they hate Mommy?"

"no, no, sweetpea, they just didn't know her to well so they pretend, they think they're supposed to act sad so they do, because that's what people do at funerals it's just one of those things in life,"

"you're lying,"

"no, i'm not and you can't tell if i'm lying,"

"no, but i know you are because nobody likes people like us,"

"that's not true,"

"it is true, that's why Mommy died,"

"how do you know that,"

"i wa-"

"how do you know that Mihoshi,"

"... I heard someone say it..."

"geez, nobody can just be quiet,"

"She died because of her quirk?"

"No, not because of her quirk. It was something else,"

"I know she was murdered,"

"... God why can't people just not talk in front of kids," he whispered to himself.

"And they said it was a 'hate crime' . Is that when you kill someone because you hate them?"

"I- you'll understand when you're older," that was a bald faced lie and he knew it. He was older, he knew what a hate crime was, he had been working with hate crimes, and he still didn't understand. He hated the topic and tried to stop the conversation but his efforts were in vain.

"Is it?"

"Mochi, i dont- no, no it's not. You don't need to worry about that happening,"

"Ok," she leaned on her Dad and he stole a lick of her ice cream, "hey! Daddy!"

"What?" He smiled, giving Mizuki a lick of his own cone.

"It's my ice cream. not yours,"

"but who has money to pay for it?"

"you, but i picked it out so it's mine,"

"Oh that's how it works, you pick it so it's yours, never knew that,"

"Now you do,"

He chuckled softly then Mizuki reached up and stole his cone, smiling like a fox and proceeded to get the cold and sticky goodness all over herself. They all finished their ice creams and went back to the elder Shinsous house and hung out until everybody got home. Hitoshi migrated upstairs to avoid questioning and put Mizuki down for a nap, while Mihoshi stayed downstairs and played with dolls with her cousin.

Hikari had come up to Hitoshis room to talk with him when she got back to the house.

"hey, you ok? Mom told me what happened, it doesn't seem like you,"

"because im not me, not anymore, or at least not for a while,"

"she wants you to apologize to her, she doesn't think she deserved that,"

"well she can keep wanting all she wants because she did deserve it and i'm not sorry,"

"I get that but what did she even do?"

"pretend. She pretends about everything and I'm- I'm sick of it! she pretended not to be disappointed when i got my quirk, she pretended not to be nervous when she talks to me, she pretended to care when we started dating she pretended not to be disgusted when she found out we were having mochi, she pretend to care when we got married, pretend at her funeral to and i'm sick of her shit,"

"That's it? That's what you're mad at her about? pretending?"

"Yes, pretending is for children and she's 60 something years old, she needs to grow up and stop pretending to understand how I feel. You know what i mean,"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean she's been pretending to you for longer than me and I know you're not that oblivious, you're just biased sometimes. but i know you're not so biased as to think that she's always cared about you,"

"I think she's cared about me thank you very much,"

"I didn't say she doesn't care about you, I said that she hasn't always. I mean there's a reason you never told them you had Kai so young, and that's because they'd be disappointed and stop pretending to care and you knew you couldn't handle that,"

"Ok you got a point, but why would you tell her that to her face? Like that's something you don't tell someone to their face at a funeral,"

"Oh please it's me in morning not her, she doesn't give two shits what happened to her,"

"Maybe that's because you haven't told anyone what happened because you refuse to talk about it,"

"Well, it Wasn't me crying crocodile tears over someone I didn't care too much for, because that's her job. It's her job to fake care, not mine.

"It's not her fault though, i mean she's just trying to process, because she cares"

"No, no she does. I usually don't care how she acts but, this, this was something that meant a lot to me and she pretended to care for sad looks from other people. I didn't pretend and nobody gave me a sad look or any of that shit,"

"You didn't cry Hitoshi! You just gave people looks, you looked unapproachable!"

"I did cry! I cried so hard I gave myself a nosebleed for Christ sake! I blew blood vessels in my eyes, I cried so hard!" Hitoshi took off his sunglasses and his eyes were still red and bloodshot. "I would've cried alone if it weren't for Kaminari! He is the only one who cares and who has any understanding of the situation!"

"And why is that?"

"Because he knows, because he saw me sit there in my yard covered in blood and holding her corpse! He saw what that fuck put in the Goddamned cradle! He saw what that psycho had planned for my kids! That's why,"

"... what was the guy gonna do to the girls?"

"Kill them, he was gonna kill them and hope that i killed myself..."

"I- i get why you're mad at her now,"

"I'm glad you understand because I certainly don't..."

Hikari sat next to her brother on the bed and they talked for a while more. Hitoshi gave his sister the low down on what had happened that day and he ended up puking because the thought of what happened made him sick, and had traumatized him so deeply. he talked until his emotional constipation dissipated and he sobbed yet again, not as hard as the first time, and he was glad of that.