I'm BROKEN

Chapter 14

Three days had passed since the incident. Jay has not spoken to me. I was home with Shemar each day getting to know him and he getting to know me.

He was the sweetest baby ever. His laughter was to die for it filled the emptiness I felt inside and I understood what it meant to yearn for a child of your own.
Your own flesh and blood .

What the hell am I doing? I feel like an educated fool.

Here I am, stuck with a child that was not mine, his dad didn't talk to me but expected me to still watch him while was at work, or out with his friends . His mom didn't bother to call to check on him.

I felt like a maid, like a country gyal who was taken to Kingston to do domestic work and mind the kids. Fuck the boss once in a while and still perform your other duties as normal.

Shamar was an angel but I don't think this is ok. At least not for me.

I picked up my phone and dialed "Mi Amor". My mother.

"Wa yuh want gyal?"

" Mommy, wa mean wa mi want mi supposed to call yuh whenever mi want!", I laughed heartily.

She laughed too, " Wapmn now mi pickney?"

" Alot, mommy Jared have a son enuh!"

"Wa di bloodclaat yuh a say Tiara, how old is this chid?", I could hear the instant change in her tone...........she was mad.

"One.",  I answered weakly. I have woken the dragon in her.

"Mi talk to yuh bout dat dutty rass bwai enuh and yuh determine say a dat yuh want. Me sen yuh a good school and it come in like yuh brightness tun yuh inna ediat!" , she ranted on.

Shemar squealed with laughter from his show. 

My breath caught as mom fell silent, I knew she heard him.

The universe really hated me.

"Tiara, a wa dat? Who fa pickney dat? Ano Jared pickney yuh have dey?"

" Mommy him madda carry him come leave at mi gate, a so mi find out bout him!" I expalined  quickly. If I knew my mom I knew she was fuming.

"Come offa mi bloodclaat phone!"

*PEEP PEEP PEEP* Dial tone.

I sank down to the floor and cried.

What have I done to deserve this? The two most important people in my life was mad at me and for the same reason. 

A baby that was not mine

I'm not sure what to do from here, I'm not sure if this is really what I want for myself.

Is this how I want my life to go?

I felt absolutely useless. I cant leave this baby  with Jared. He can barely care for himself much less a baby. Plus he can be abusive.

I didn't know if his mother was coming back for him. She seemed as if she wanted to get back to her life, whatever that was.

How could I leave this helpless baby with two people who didn't know if they wanted him.

I was stuck with a decision that meant my conscience will haunt me either way.

I felt tiny hands touching my face.

"Mama kuweye?", he squeezed my cheeks hard and placed his forehead on mine.

I hugged him and he wiggled comfortably into my embrace and patted my back.

I smiled.How did he even know to pat my back to comfort me?