Not Alone

Chapter 19: Catharsis

AN: Dual update

Several months have passed since my horny ass jumped two men at once. Damn Dias for teaching Silan so well! The big guy accidentally tugged out my IUD string while getting down and dirty, which in retrospect, should've hurt a lot more than it did, but I'll blame the beastmarks for giving me strength to soothe away the pain and my general state of arousal distracting me.

I glare down at my slightly swollen stomach with mild annoyance. Reclining against Asper's cool black coils, I relax with a heavy sigh. Before Asper fell into Hibernation, he had hesitantly offered to find me a herb that would cause a miscarriage, discomfort written all throughout his posture as he offered. But after a bit of thought, I ultimately turned his offer down, it's not the baby's fault mum was horny. Plus, after we discovered I really was knocked up, all the boys looked so damn excited, even Silan was smiling broadly at the news.

Walking into the room, Dias quietly hands me a tin of hot mint tea and sits down beside me, his shoulder gently pressed against mine. He pats the cold scales behind him idly in greeting, not really expecting a response as Asper fell into his hibernation a week ago.

Dias sits quietly beside me for several long minutes, gently leaning into my shoulder as we sip our tea.

I glance down at my stomach, a wave of mild revulsion passing through me. Words come tumbling out "We are really stuck here."

Dias looks up at me curiously but extends his hand to grasp mine

I continue on, my voice swelling with emotion "I knew we couldn't exactly catch the next taxi and head home, but I was kind of ignoring it?" My lower lip wobbles a little "If i just didn't think about it, I would be fine. Just one day at a time right?"

His hand tightens its grasp around mine as I continue, almost babbling "But kids! Fucking kids. Its really set in stone now, huh?"

I set down my half-empty tea tin with a shaking hand and grasp Dias wrist with my free hand, trying to use him as an anchor as my voice continues to shake "But now I have to think."

Looking up at the ceiling, I take a few moments to breathe and fight back the growing tears "My parents. My mom and my dad. They'll be fucking devastated," I gasp a little as my face twists "I was so fuckin hyped to be in my third year of Uni. My parents were so goddamn proud of me"

Dias gently extricates his hand from my grasp, only to wrap his arm around my shoulder, pressing me into his side. His hand shakes a little "I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I close my eyes, I keep seeing you being dragged further underwater. I didn't know about the bubble. I just thought... I thought you were drowning"

His nose flares as he squeezes his eyes tightly shut "I want to go home"

I laugh a little sob, a tear fighting its way past my defenses and slipping down my cheek.

He breathes deeply "I hate how unsafe we are here. I hate how unsafe you are here. How everything and anyone can be a fucking danger. I'm going to have to be fighting for the rest of my life, won't I? Just to ensure everyone I love doesn't get kidnapped or murdered"

Swiping away the tear rolling down my cheek, I let out a strangled laugh "Me too, sweetheart. Me too. I'm pissed. I'm so fucking angry that that happened. I want to fight right alongside you, but I just can't. It wasn't your fault, you tried so fucking hard to get to me. It wasn't your fault."

Dias leans his head onto my shoulder, hiding his face against my skin as I ignore the growing dampness against my shoulder.

He takes a couple of moments to breathe, slow and deep, his arm tightening around me before his continues on "I want to pull more all-nighters with you as we study for midterms. I want to laugh as I drag you out of bed for morning classes. I want to sit and get my ass beat by your brother in cards at the next family gathering"

We fall quiet for several long moments. Only the sound of teardrops broke the silence.

"I wanted to marry you."

I turn my head to look at Dias, his shoulders trembling "I wanted us to get settled into our own careers, then I wanted to take you somewhere beautiful to propose. I wanted to marry you properly, with all our family and friends present. I wanted to spend an ungodly amount of money on a wedding for us, for those memories. Our moms would be crying as your dad walked you down the aisle and my dad be sitting in the front, so damn smug over the fact that I managed to snag a woman like you"

Tears roll down my cheeks, my eyes stinging as his voice starts to shake "I wanted kids, eventually. In a nice house with a big backyard, with our parents bugging us about grandkids at family dinners."

I sob a little, my voice wavering and wet "I would've demanded a playset in the backyard for them. Swings and a trampoline."

Dias raises his head from my shoulder, his eyes red and anger twisting his face. His free hand comes up to rest on my stomach, his gaze drifting down to look at the place where my rugrats are growing "I'll make one. A swing set. These kids will have that fucking swingset"

I smile, tears stinging my eyes as I lean forward to press my forehead against his "I'll help you. Gotta make sure you don't kill the little shits by accident by making a deathtrap"

He laughs quietly, his hand coming up to hold the back of my neck as he presses a gentle kiss to my lips.

We sit in silence for a long while after that. Just breathing each other in, quietly grieving for the life we lost, the family we can never see again.

This is the sight Silan walks into, concern written in the crevasses of his face. Saying nothing, he quietly disappears into the kitchen for a while.

Silan returns with several large fish on a leaf platter, cooked and seasoned just as Dias and I like. He sits down in front of us, laying down the aromatic platter and waiting patiently for both of us to start eating before he picks up his own fish, offering comfort in the only way he knows how.

AN: Y'all have no idea how long I planned this.