You ought to Smile more~

Let's put a smile on that face~

A bunch of Vegetables just became Nazis

They hail the squash-tika

The Italian morgue called yesterday, apparently some guy *pasta-way*

Excuse my friend who jumps into mosh pits,

He gets carried away

What State is talked about the most?

Maine.

What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?

Im a cashew (ima catch you)

What do you call a beehive without an exit?

Un-BEE-lievable...

What happened to the lady who stole a calendar from the store?

She got twelve months

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

It died.

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? - It was tied to the first koala.

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? - It thought it was a game.

Why did the man cycling through the bush fall off his bike? - He was hit by three koalas.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

It only takes one man to hang a picture of him

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb

Q. What did I tell the midget when she asked me to bang her?

A. "I don't get down like that"

Q. What do you call a reptile on drugs?

A. a *CRACK*odile

Q.What do you tell a pharaoh who's drowning in a river but doesn't believe it?

A. Your in denial ( the nile)

Q. What shape is a squares ass

A. Rectal-tangular

How do you put three babies in a bowl? Blend 'em.

How do you get 'em out? Chips.

What's an orphan's favorite toy?

A boomerang, cuz unlike their parents it always comes back.

I recently made a website for orphans, although it doesn't have a homepage.

I love telling dark jokes to orphans, what're they gonna do, tell their parents?

I'm gonna get jumper cables for my wife because she likes to start shit.

So, I recently opened up a night club for men with erectile dysfunction; but it was a total flop, nobody came.

Q. Why wont zombies eat cheerleaders/football players?

A. No brains

If you open a school for ADHD kids, can it be classified as a "concentration camp"?

(Random person) "Fuck you!!"

(Me) "I'd fuck me too"

Always remember you can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish

Can February March? No, but April May,

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call it, it ain't coming!!

"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is NOT the way to tell your child they are adopted

If a vacuum cleaner doesn't work, does it suck?

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?

Nail it's other hand to the floor

Ya know what they say, love is an open door. You can get out as fast as you got in...