You ought to Smile more~

Chuck it in the "Fuckit Bucket"

My son just threw a Milk Carton at me... How Dairy?

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its Sparrow chute!

To what dog do other dogs tell their problems?

A Complaint Bernard

What do you call a small parent?

A Minimum

I'm terrified of elevators, I'm going to start taking steps to avoid them

As a child, it was my dream to make a perfect bar of soap, but somehow it just slipped away (Bro had a bad time in prison)

What do snowmen do in their spare time?

They just chill (I hope they don't give each other the cold shoulder)

What's the difference between Ignorance and Indifference?

I don't know and I don't care!

How do Billboards communicate?

With sign language.

I was accused of being a plagiarist.. Their words, not mine

I lost my job at the bank today, and on my way out a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over...

Did you see the horse that could balance a corncob on its head? It was some unique corn