The Scars That Broke Her

Chapter 9

I haven't left my bed all day.

My brain was a jumbled mess as I replayed events of last night. What haunted me the most was that Eli didn't even seem phased by his actions. Though the rest of our time together went by as normal, I couldn't help but shake the feeling in my stomach telling me that something was off. The sickest part of it all was how quickly I forgave him. I ignored the pit in my stomach and gave Eli exactly what he wanted. Just like I did every time.

What are you doing, Noa.

"Thought you might be hungry." Cale's voice filled my room. I sat up from where I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling as Cale entered my room. A turkey sandwich sat on a plate he carried in his hands.

"Thanks." I replied as I took the plate graciously from him. I was thankful that my brothers let me keep to myself today. I didn't hear so much as a peep from the time I woke up until now. I was actually surprised Cale didn't come up here earlier to check on me.

"How are you doing?" Cale watched as I sunk my teeth into the sandwich. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until the sandwich hit my mouth.

I shrugged. To be honest, I was exhausted. Both mentally and physically. I felt drained. School was exhausting, my brothers were exhausting, Eli was exhausting. They all wanted something. On top of that moving in with Cale was exhausting, my father dying was exhausting, and my mother getting arrested was exhausting. It was like one thing after another. It was hard to keep up. My little legs were running, trying to catch a break, but they could never make it.

Cale could tell I was holding back. He knew I was breaking down. The cold exterior I had moved in with was slowly diminishing.

And it had only been a week.

It was just too tiring to keep it up.

I took another bite of my sandwich as Cale sunk onto the bed beside me. "You know, you don't have to keep it all bottled up. Its okay to feel every once in a while."

"I don't want to, Cale." I told him truthfully. I could see the expression in his eyes change as I said this. This was probably the first real thing I had said to him since we moved in. There was no snark in my tone, no sarcastic undertone. It was just...truth.

The truth was, as much as I wanted to let it out, I knew that once I did that there would be no letting it back in. Besides, what would that do? It wouldn't change anything. My dad would still be dead, my mom would still be in jail. It was much better this way, closing my emotions off. It made me stronger.

"I know you don't, but it might make you feel better." Cale's eyes held concern and sorrow as he spoke, like he knew I was struggling. "No one will see you any differently."

I forced a smile on my face. "I'm okay, Cale. I promise."

I'm okay, just like I always was.

"Okay." Cale said slowly. He didn't believe me. I could tell by the way his eyes watched my movements. Now I remember why I always avoided him. "What are your plans tonight?"

I shrugged, taking another bite. Normally, my old friends and I would find some party to attend. We would spend the nights getting wasted and taking bets on who would go home with who. After we stopped hanging out, or rather they stopped hanging out with me, it seemed pointless to go out. Parties became too awkward to attend because of the stares and whispers. Everyone wanted to know what happened to my parents. So, the questions became where I go, what do I do, and it all seemed too complicated to figure out. It was much easier to stay home with my dad. I don't remember the last time I had something to do on a Saturday night.