Tainted laws

06

"Suffering feels religious, if you do it right" - Chelsea Hodson.

ALEXA

My eyes flutter closed and I try to let sleep consume me, but my mind swarms with anything and everything. Scenarios and outcomes flood my mind, sleep drifting further to the back of my brain, almost a mere memory. I have never felt so cornered in my life, I feel like an animal. Usually I am always put in the position to dictate my choices.

I have always had a choice, this may be a choice, but was it really? I had to choose between uncertain death and certain death. This would never be a choice if you asked an average person, I have never felt so terror struck in my life.

Eventually I twist and turn so much that I have begun to sweat profusely. I turn the alarm clock and set an alarm for 8:30, ensuring I have time to prepare for tomorrow, both mentally and physically.

I stand from the bed and move to the old bathroom and stare into the rusted mirror, looking at my reflection. Matted brown locks cascade across my shoulders, purple eye bags sag down my face, my eyelashes lost their initial bounce and my face pale and ghastly. A pitiful version of myself, not the business woman everyone had grown to witness, that I have grown to see each morning,

Almost two weeks ago I had a firm, I had a life, I had certainty in survival but now, I realise I also possessed a sense of carelessness. I knew it would catch up to me but, I pushed my instincts to the back of my mind, pushed my gut feeling down and just thrived in my element, not considering the consequences of my carless actions.

I splash my face with warm water, reminding me I'm still alive and that's when hope finds its way into my heart. Hope is dangerous, it holds a firm grip onto lovers with cheating spouses, children with abusive parents, employees with toxic bosses, all in hope they will change. Hope keeps you alive and kills you at the same time. Insanity and hope interlink through blurred lines and I am not sure if I'm insane for thinking Logan will change and not kill me, or if I'm just hopefully he won't. Insanity is hoping for a different outcome after completing the same actions and behaviours over and over again, whereas hope is hoping that you doing the same thing will somehow create change.

Giving him my location or him finding it has happened and has always ended badly. I just wish it will be different this time.

I move towards the window, silently stepping over the carpet and unlatching a window, the fresh air peacefully hitting my face. I step away from the window and lay down on the springy bed.

Sleep finally finds me, crushing the painful thoughts enveloping my mind.

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At 8:30 I am sprung out of bed, the beaming alarm in my ears causing the memories of last night to captivate my mind. So many outcomes to what seems to be such a simple situation.

I step away from the bed and slide on a fresh pair of socks, leggings, and an oversized t-shirt. I check the clock after I finished brushing my teeth. 8:57.

I leave the disgusting clothes I had worn last night in the room and walk towards the check in desk. after walking past it I walk towards the exit. 8:59. I wait just by the door and see a blacked out SUV pull up. 3 men dressed in all black walk towards the entrance. I turn around making sure to avoid them seeing my face. As they walk into the building I walk towards the jeep and see there's no one sitting in side so I slip into the boot.

About 15 minutes later all of the men make their way back, one already on the phone to what I presume would be Logan. As they open the doors, I hear their conversation.