faraway | purinz

track 014

TRACK 014

standing next to you

HONG-HUH FAMILY HOME, SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA ♥ PRESENT DAY

"Are you sure about this, Jinnie?"

"It's the only way I can get closure."

Kazuha shrugged, burrowing into the couch. She was watching some drama- Yunjin wasn't sure, it had to do with ghosts, and Kazuha had a massive crush on the hotel intern girl, played by some idol that had been on a survival show once. "If you think it's a good idea, then go ahead. I'm here if you need me to pick you up or anything. I got you." She flashed Yunjin a lopsided grin, then went back to intently watching the show, pausing to yell out, "Eunchae, what does sajangnim mean?"

Yunjin ignored her baby sister's reply- "It's like your boss, or CEO, Kazuha"- and instead focused on her phone. She and Chaewon had exchanged numbers, albeit somewhat tentatively, and exchanged a few terse messages arranging a time and date for their talk. They were going to have The Talk- the capital-T, all-edges-raw, breakup talk, and Chaewon had arranged for it to happen at her favorite café, a cute little place in Gangnam-gu.

Yunjin hadn't mentioned that she'd been to Gangnam only recently with Kazuha, so Chaewon had likely assumed that it was Yunjin's first time back in years.

Yunjin wasn't in the mood to enlighten her.

After showering and changing into her outfit- jeans, black tee, denim jacket- Yunjin headed downstairs, her hair now dry, and did her makeup in the ground floor bathroom mirror. It felt better that way- more grounded- and she'd need all the grounding she could get.

After four years, Yunjin was finally going to get closure with Chaewon.

Finally.

It definitely didn't feel like closure.

Chaewon wore a yellow blouse, slacks, and a jacket, strolling around the sunny street, admiring the shining buildings. "It's been so long since I was around here."

"Why's that?" Yunjin asked, the question slipping from her lips before she could stop herself, so she could only try to make herself sound bored- but Chaewon looked eager at the attempt to continue the conversation, so it seemed that she didn't mind compensating for Yunjin's silence.

"Just never had time."

Yunjin nearly snorted. Four years, and Chaewon didn't have time? Right. But all she said was, "Okay."

"It reminded me of you too."

Yunjin nearly choked on air. "I'm sorry?"

"Gangnam-gu. I visited a bit when I first got here, but I stopped because it made me think of how much you'd enjoy being here."

Yunjin stayed silent.

What? What does that mean?

Her lips were moving before she could think, however. "I spent the day here with Kazuha recently. We went all over. It was great."

Chaewon nodded slowly, awkwardly almost- she put her hands in her pockets and bobbed her head up and down. "So are you and Kazuha...?"

What the-

Yunjin nearly snorted out her internal organs with how inconspicuous Chaewon was being. "We've been friends for a while. But it's not like that."

Chaewon blushed, looking embarrassed, and nodded. "So, how did you guys meet?"

Yunjin shrugged nonchalantly, sticking her hands in her pockets and looking around at the glinting buildings. "We share an apartment in the States. I saved her ass at a club, and we've been inseparable ever since."

Chaewon nodded slowly, speeding up slightly to catch up to Yunjin. "Of course."

Awkward silence passed between them- silence that Yunjin didn't intend on filling. Alarms were going off everywhere in her head- Chaewon's mixed signals were bombshells Yunjin was too cautious and heartbroken to interpret.

Chaewon seemed to sense that, because she sighed and looked up at the city rising around them. "Yunjinnie..."

Yunjin squeezed her eyes shut and sighed. "Yes?"

The smile spreading across Chaewon's lips was mournful. "You used to call me Pupu after I called you that, you know. Because-"

"-you had curly hair and I thought you looked like a poodle, I know," Yunjin finished like it was instinct, ignoring the painful stab in her heart that emerged when Chaewon grinned happily. "But I can't anymore."

Chaewon's smile vanished twice as fast as it had appeared. "Wh- what do you mean?"

"You're engaged, Chaewon! You're in love with Choi Yeonjun. Except I don't know why it's so fucking hard for you to leave me alone," Yunjin burst out, and her heart wrenched, her eyes suddenly prickling with painful, unshed tears. "I was fine. I was recovering, and healing, and even though it took me four whole, heartbreaking years, I got over it! But then you have to spring this wedding on me out of nowhere. I don't get this! One second you're all over me and the next it's him. Pick a struggle, please. I can't keep getting dragged into this!"

Chaewon's mouth opens in shock, and Yunjin sees tears prick her bubble-tea eyes. "I... I just... I just wanted to see you again," she whispers, trembling.

Yunjin instantly feels awful- another emotion to add to the boiling storm within her, but she knows she has to go on or she can't live with herself anymore. "I know. And I did, too. But... not like this. Not after four years of radio silence."

"I'm sorry."

"It's a little too late for that," Yunjin whispers, and her shoulders drop. "You're engaged. And I would listen if I was in a different headspace, I swear."

"Did it really take you... four years to get over me?"

Chaewon's question punctuates the air like a standing question mark, and Yunjin sighs.

"Yes. And more. I think it might take me my entire life, Chaewon. Which is why I have to start now."

Chaewon looks away, and the tears spill out of her eyes, staining her face as her bottom lip trembles. "I didn't think that inviting you back would be like this," she whispers.

"How else did you think it would be?" Yunjin answers, but her voice is devoid of venom, of tone. "That we'd just hug and make up and I'd be okay with you marrying someone after not talking to me for four years?"

"... Yes."

"Why? How could you be so naive?" Yunjin practically cries and realizes how the roles have switched. Now it's her calling Chaewon naive, not the other way around- telling her to wake up to the real world. Love always made Chaewon soft- which was why when they broke up, Yunjin assumed Chaewon didn't love her anymore.

"I thought- I thought you didn't love me that much anymore," Chaewon sniffles and more tears stream down her face. "I didn't think it would take you four years. Or- or your whole life."

"Well, I'm sorry to have disappointed you," Yunjin answers and her shoulders slump again. She is defeated- she's lost the fight, lost the battle, lost the war- lost the girl. She can't keep fighting. She's been battling herself for four awful years.

Chaewon seems to notice this, because she sighs, her chest heaving and shoulders trembling. "I'm- I'm sorry too."

Yunjin smiles ruefully. "You know, it would've been so much better if Yeonjun sucked, you know? Then I wouldn't have to feel so shitty about myself. But he doesn't. He's a really good guy, and he loves you, Chaewon. So I don't... I don't know what to do anymore. I'll stay for your wedding, but afterwards I'm going back home. And I don't think I'm going to come back."

Chaewon's tears are flowing freely now, and she sobs brokenly, her eyes rimmed with red. "But... I don't wanna lose you."

Yunjin pauses before she says the words that will ruin both of them.

"It's too late. You already have."