These are just some annoying common phrases/moments/other things that happen on wattpad.
1. "Sexy V of his hips." How is that sexy? Can somebody please explain? Whenever they say that, I just imagine somebody drawing on their hips with a sharpie, which is not even remotely sexy.
2. "Sexy husky voice." There was a boy in my class in grade 7 (yes I realize that grade 7 ended yesterday, but I don't care) who had a really husky voice. It's not sexy; it sounds like you have a permanent cold or vocal cord paralysis or some horrible disease that caused your voice to sound really screwed up. So, yeah. Not sexy. Medically worrying.
3. Orbs=eyes. Am I the only one who is a bit creeped out by this? I mean, if the person's an alien or a cool creature with creepy eyes it's kinda descriptive, but I've never looked at eyes and thought "those are orbs."
4. P popping. "Nope," he said, popping the p. Does anyone actually talk like that?!?! Also, how the eff do you pop a p?! I've been trying to for like 5 minutes and I still don't understand!
5. I looked into his SEXY eyes and played with his SEXY black hair. I placed my other hand on his SEXY abs. WHY IS SEXY THE ONLY ADJECTIVE?!?!?! THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER WORDS YOU COULD USE!!!! Ex. Hot, muscular, attractive, handsome, cute, etc.
Side note: why is everyone hot? Can somebody please write a story about someone average-looking or ugly?
6. Nobody has brown eyes. More than half of the world's population has brown eyes, but nobody in wattpad books has them. What the actual eff? Everybody's eyes are blue, or green, or gray, or black. Hell, I've even seen books where the main character has PURPLE eyes, but there are pretty few with brown eyes. Do people just like writing about people with unusual eye colours? I'm genuinely curious as to why so few people in these books have brown eyes.
7. Pretty girls who think they're ugly. If it's a book about someone has depression, self-esteem issues, or any other legitimate reason to think they're ugly when you're not, it's fine. But, if they don't, it's SOOO annoying. Like, seriously. Also, while we're on the subject of pretty/ugly girls, why do they suddenly become gorgeous when they take off their glasses? Most of the people I know who have glasses look better with them than without. (Except for my brother, because he's butt ugly either way.)
8. Sidekicks. I personally love sidekicks, IF THEY HAVE A PURPOSE! If they're there for comic relief, or to be a love interest for another character, or to be a secret villain, they're awesome. But, I hate them if they have no real purpose. If they're not funny, interesting, or useful to the storyline, why are they even there? They should be taken out, because they're pointless.
9. Glorifying bad things. Things like eating disorders, mental illnesses, rape, incest, abusive relationships, bullying, and kidnapping shouldn't be glorified. You know what should be glorified? Healthy, loving, relationships. Good mental health. Good friendships. Respect. I know I sound like a public service announcement, but it's true. If the story is about getting over issues involving these sorts of things, it's great. But if you make terrible things seem good, you're a terrible person.
10. Sob stories. "My parents died and my brother abused me and I have an eating disorder and depression and my dog just got hit by a bus!" No. Just... no. Focus on one bad thing that happened. Don't make the person's life into one big sob story, including everything that could possibly go wrong.
So, yeah. That was my weird collection of rants about wattpad.
- Elise 👻🇨🇦
