POISONOUS//lashton au

Nine

The previous times Luke had seen Ashton in the past week felt like nothing compared to what Luke felt at this time. Ashton was standing right in front of him. Speaking to him. Looking at him. He could reach out and touch him if he wanted to. And he wanted to. He wanted to so bad. But he couldn't. He didn't want to. He wanted Ashton to leave. He wanted to tell him to leave but he couldn't. Because that would require talking to Ashton and he really did not want to talk to Ashton. He couldn't if he tried anyways. He also wanted to run away. But he couldn't do that either. He was at work and would get in trouble.

So he didn't say anything and he didn't go anywhere. Instead he remained frozen. Mouth still open and eyes still sad.

Ashton didn't say anything either.

There was so much to say. Luke had so many questions to ask and Ashton had so many answers to tell. But neither of them could find the words to say. What were you supposed to say to the person who you haven't seen in three years and still love?

Luke refused to speak first. He didn't want to talk to Ashton. He couldn't.

Everything hurt. This was real. It was too real. He couldn't run away this time. He couldn't avoid it. This was real. Luke pressed his lips together to avoid speaking and averted his gaze from Ashton.

Seeing Ashton from a distance and him standing right in front of Luke were two very different things. Luke couldn't avoid this one and he was scared. He didn't want to deal with it and he wanted someone to help him. But no one could. He would have to deal with it on his own.

Luke had no idea how much time passed before Ashton finally spoke.

"I have so much I need to say right now and I have absolutley no idea where to start and to be honest there probably isn't enough time in the world to say what I need to say."

Luke looked back up at Ashton. This was the closest he had ever been to Ashton in three years. And now that he was finally up close, he noticed a few things in his appearance that had changed that he hadn't seen from a distance.

For one, the dark circles under his eyes. Those had never been there before. He had lost weight. There wasn't a single part of him that needed to lose weight but he'd lost weight. And he'd become paler. His normal tan complextion had become much lighter. Luke observed how he seemed to slouch with his shoulders slumped forward. They were all things most people would never pay attention to but even after three years, Luke always noticed the little changes in Ashton.

Luke finally really looked at Ashton. Right into his dull hazel eyes. Ashton stared back. Gaze not wavering for even a second.

"There's always enough time. Time is all we really have. It just depends on how you use it."

And that was it. That was the first thing Luke had said to Ashton in three years.

They were obviously not the words Ashton was expecting to hear. He looked slightly shocked but quickly regained himself.

"That's a pretty good point. But there is so much I need to tell you."

"Yeah. I know."

Ashton had to have felt the bitterness in Luke's voice. His words were filled with it. Ashton nodded.

"And I don't have enough time to say it all right now but I need to tell you that I'm sorry. And that probably will mean nothing to you because what I did was selfish but I am. I am so sorry for what I did and I'm sorry for not giving you an explanation and I'm sorry I waited three years to come tell you that."

Luke didn't say anything back for a while. He just looked up at Ashton who looked back with absolute guilt filling his eyes.

"Well you're right." Luke finally said, looking back down. "That apology means absolutley nothing to me."

Ashton flinched at the words but nodded, knowing he deserved them.

"I kind of felt like that would be your answer but I needed to say it. And I still have so much more to say but I have to go so I was hoping maybe we could go for a coffee so I can actually talk to you."

Luke frowned and looked up at Ashton. "What makes you think I would ever want to go somewhere with you after what you did to me?"

"I know Luke really and I expected that to be your answer but I need you to listen to me."

"I don't owe you anything." Luke snapped.

"I know you don't. You don't owe me anything but I owe you everything. But I know I can't give you that so please at least let me give you an explanation." Ashton pleaded with Luke. When he didn't reply, Ashton continued. "Please Luke. Just 20 minutes. Please."

"I thought there wasn't enough time in the world for what you have to say." Luke's tone remained mostly flat with a hint of bitterness.

"There isn't. But I know I won't get, and frankly don't deserve, all the time in the world."

"I don't owe you the time of day." Luke spat back.

"No. You don't. Not after what I did. Which is why all I am asking for is 20 minutes. As soon as 20 minutes hits you can walk out the doors and never have to see me again. Please."

Ashton might as well have been on his knees for how much he was begging.

Luke sighed. He deserved an explanation. He deserved Ashton to be on his knees begging for forgiveness. But 20 minutes would have to do.

Finally, after a long agonizing wait for Ashton, Luke replied.

"There's a coffee shop at the end of the block going that way," Luke gestured to his left, "be there at 7 tonight or you won't even get your 20 minutes."

Ashton nodded eagerly. "I'll be there. Thank you."

With that, Ashton made his way out of the library and away from Luke.

Luke sighed again and put his head in his hands, trying to decide how big of a mistake he had made in agreeing to Ashton.

~

I'm doing this at school. I'm some why of a rebel. Gotta go

-Ash