POISONOUS//lashton au

Fifteen

When Luke got home, he'd stopped crying. He sat on his couch feeling empty and broken.

Everything felt more complicated and he hated it. He hated being in love with Ashton, he hated Ashton being in love with him, and frankly he just hated Ashton. Luke wanted to be with Ashton. He knew he could be happy with Ashton. But who was to say the happiness would last? Ashton broke his heart before he could easily do it again. Sure he said he still loved him but he said he loved him before he left too. He easily could have lied again.

Luke groaned and buried his face in his hands. He couldn't describe the joy he felt to finally be in Ashton's arms again. He felt safe and warm but mostly, he felt love. He felt the love and comfort he used to feel when he was with Ashton. He wish it hadn't felt so nice. That would have made everything a lot less complicated. But he had to deal with the feelings he felt and he had no idea how to do that.

So for the first time in a year, he did what helped him. He got drunk.

He lost count of how many drinks he had at around 2:30 and at 3, Michael and Calum came by to find Luke sitting on the floor in the dark.

"Luke?" They were shocked to find Luke in the state he was. It wasn't something they saw often so they were slightly worried. "Luke what's going on?" Michael asked as he pryed the almost empty bottle out of his hand.

And Luke, in the drunken state he was in, told the truth.

"I saw Ashton again." Luke's words were slurred. Michael and Calum sat down in front of him. "We talked. Then I cried in front of him and he hugged me and it felt so good and soft and warm and god I just love him so much and he told me if I wanted I would never have to speak to him again but I want to speak to him again and I want him to hug me again because it just felt so wonderful."

Michael and Calum looked at each other in shock.

"Luke, you can't go back to him. Don't forget what he did to you." Calum knew anything he said to Luke at that moment would be entirely useless as everything would be forgotten the next day. Luke was also not the kind of person to do stupid things when he was drunk. Luke was more the kind of person that when drunk, sat around at home doing absolutley nothing and feeling nothing. Luke didn't feel when he was drunk. He was calm and serene. So Calum knew there wasn't a point. Luke wouldn't retain what he said or do anything stupid but he spoke anyways. "Don't do anything you'll regret Luke."

"Why woukd I regret being happy though? It's been so long since I've been happy and being with Ashton and him hugging me made me happy. And I was always so happy when I was with him so how could it be a mistake?"

"Because he broke your heart Luke! He may be the reason you were happy for two years but dont forget he was also the reason you were so unhappy and broken for the past three years! Did you forget about that Luke?"

Luke glared at Calum with full anger. "How could I forget about that? How could something like that possibly ever be something I forget about? The first, and the way it's looking, only person I loved smashed my heart! And I hate him for that! I hate everything about him but I love him! I love him and I haven't stopped loving him in over four years! Do you know how much it sucks to hate the person you're in love with? I want to be with him but I honestly can't stand the idea of even looking at him! So yeah I am aware that he broke my heart but I'm also aware that I'm still in love with him and for as much as it hurts to be with him, it hurts a whole lot more to be without him." Michael and Calum found themselves moving backwards, away from Luke. They looked to each other with worry then back at Luke.

"Luke," Michael said softly, making his way closer to Luke, "are you considering getting back together with Ashton?"

Luke bit his lip and frowned a little bit "Yes." He started to nod then shook his head. "No. Maybe. I don't know! Everything's confusing right now and my head hurts." He buried his face in between his knees. Michael set a hand on Luke's back and patted it a little bit.

"Luke I hate this asshole and I have never even met him. But if you are truly in love with him and you feel like he's the only way to your happiness, by all means go for it. Just be careful okay? I want you to make absolute sure that you can trust him again. I do not want him breaking your heart for the second time or I will break more than just his heart. Also, if you do go back to him, don't expect Calum or I or anyone to be accepting of him right away. But if you truly want him back, then get him. Okay?"

"But I don't know if I do want him back. That's the problem."

"I wish I knew how to help you Luke, but this isn't a decision I can help you make. This is all you." Michael patted Luke's back once more before moving back a little.

Luke nodded. "Yeah. I know. I think I just need to be alone again."

"Sure thing buddy. Calum? Let's head out." Michael stood up and looked at Calum who glanced at Luke then hesitantly stood up.

"Alright. But Luke, please don't get drunk again."

Luke shook his head. "I won't. Here, you can even take the bottle." He handed the bottle to his friend who just waved it off.

"No it's fine. I trust you Luke. I'll see you later."

Luke nodded but just before his friends left the house he heard Calum mumble to Michael.

"Do you really think that Luke should go back to Ashton?"

"I never knew Ashton." Michael replied. "But if he's what's going to make like happy, then yeah I do. Was Ashton ever bad to Luke in the two years they dated?"

"No he was always really good for him but I just don't think he'd be good for him now. People change and I-" Then, the door closed, and Luke was alone.

~

Announcement: I think in going to take a break from wattpad for a while. I'm just super stressed and have so much to do lately I don't have a lot of time for this so hopefully I'll be back in a month. I am sorry to disappoint all 2 of my readers

-Ash