At 5, Luke made his way out of the library and down the street to his house. His mind was racing with what had happened only two hours earlier. He wasn't going to tell Calum or Michael about seeing Ashton or going for coffee with him. They would do anything to prevent Luke from going. They would tell him what a bad idea it was, which it was. Luke knew it probably would be a horrible idea. But he hoped it would mean Ashton would stop trying to talk to him if he saw him out in public.

Once Luke got home, he debated on if he felt like eating. He was feeling a little sick from his run in with Ashton but decided it wouldn't hurt to eat something small. He opened up his fridge and grabbed an apple which he decided would hold him over.

Just before seven, Luke's phone rang. It was Calum calling. He answered with a 'hey' then let Calum talk.

"Hey Michael and I are going to come over for a bit tonight. Just because. We'll be there by 7. But we aren't supplying food tonight because we're both slightly extremely broke so we hope you have food at your place."

"Wait, Calum, no."

"What? Why?" Neither Calum or Michael were used to Luke saying no to them hanging out. He usually always complied as he had nothing better going on or just really didn't care. This was new and weird.

"Because I have a calculus exam that I need to study for and I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Calculus? Didn't you just have a calculus exam?"

"Yes. I did. That's why I meant chemistry. First exam of the semester. Need to do good. Need to study. So I can't hang out tonight. Maybe tomorrow though." This was likely a horrible excuse. Luke never let an exam stop him from hanging out with Michael and Calum. Calum was probably really suspicious but would let it go because sometimes, Luke acted really weird but he usually didn't question it.

"Alright. Well, good luck with that. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Yeah for sure." Luke replied.

"Okay. Well. Bye."

"Bye."

Luke hung up the phone. It was officially 7 and he was late for coffee. Not that he cared. He stood up from the couch, grabbing his phone and wallet and locking the door on the way out. He made his way down the street in the warm September weather.

Thoughts crowded Luke's mind. What would he say to Ashton? What would Ashton say to him? Did he really have to do this?

Yes. He did. And he was going to get it over with. He was absolutley terrified and he felt like be was going to pass out but he had to remain strong. It was only 20 minutes. He would be fine.

Luke took a deep breath as he pushed open the door and walked inside. He took in his surroundings. The fake fireplace in the corner to his right. The too smiley barista behind the counter. The soft indie music quietly playing in the background as college kids study for some test. It was all the same. Except it wasn't. Because in the corner to his left, sat Ashton. His heartbeat quickened and he debated just turning around and walking out the door. He could do it. Ashton hadn't seen him yet. He could easily sneak out wihtout being noticed. This was a bad idea. He didn't want to do this. He was scared and just wanted to be at home with his friends. He could leave. He really could.

Then Ashton looked up and saw Luke. Ashton forced a smile which appeared to be half sympathetic and half guilt. Luke sighed and walked over with the decision that it was too late to back out at this point. So he sat down across from Ashton who had two cups of coffee sitting in front of him. He pushed one to Luke.

"I bought you a coffee. Black. With cream."

Luke looked down at the dark, steaming liquid, then back up at Ashton. This was exactly how Luke liked his coffee and he couldn't decide how he felt about Ashton remembering. Not that it was a hard thing to remember.

"Thanks."

Ashton nodded.

Then it was silent. It was a hard conversation to start and neither seemed to know how. Luke, of course, didn't want to start. Or even contribute. Then Ashton spoke.

"So how have you been?"

Luke raised an eyebrow. "Really? You have a time limit and that's how you want to spend it? By asking me how I've been when deep down, you know exactly how I've been?"

Ashton visibly tightened his grip on the mug and nodded. "Well I was going to ease into it but you're right." He took a deep breath and started over. "I want to start by telling you that I don't have a good reason as to why I did what I did. In the past three years, all my thoughts have been centered around you. About how guilty I feel. There isn't a day that's past that I haven't thought of you and felt guilty about leaving you. This entire time, I've always wondered what you're doing and if you're okay. I wonder if you're with someone or if you've moved on. Mostly, I wonder where we would be if I had never left you. Would we still be together or was it inevitable that we would eventually break up?"

"I feel like you're leading up to an explanation and if you are, you should get to it because time is passing."

"I know I'm getting to it. I know you don't have the answers to all those questions and you aren't required to answer any of them but I really do want to know how you've been. Just to confirm or disprove my thoughts."

Luke didn't say anything for a moment. He thought about it. That could be a long answer. Three years worth of feelings and emotions. But for Luke, it was short. Because he hadn't felt much more than one feeling.

"I've been horrible Ashton. I know most people would lie in this situation because they don't want to appear desperate or needy but I'm not desperate or needy. So I'm going to tell you the truth. I have been shit. You were the first person I ever truly loved and by leaving, you smashed my heart. You destroyed me. I was in love with you and you broke my heart. How could I possibly be okay after that?"

Ashton nodded slowly and every word seemed to make the look on his face appear even more broken and guilty.

"That's what I was afraid of."

"You're aware that if you're hurting because I am, it is your fault. There is no one to blame but you." Luke replied.

Ashton nodded. "I know. I do and that's why I have felt this guilty because what kind of boyfriend was I? What kind of person breaks the person they loves heart like that? I was a jerk. I still am."

"The kind of person who does that is not someone's who's in love, Ashton. If you're in love with somebody you don't break their heart like that. That's not something a person does."

"I know. I know I am the worst person and I am sorry and I don't fully know why I did that and you might not believe me but I did love you Luke." Luke snorted and rolled his eyes. "I get that you don't believe me. It's understandable but I did. I did love you." Ashton paused, "I still love you."

~

Lol k

Go read my new fanfic. It's called After Death and it's obviously lashton. But I'm in the midst of writing a malum. It'll still be a while though. But you should please go read it. Thanks bud.

Anyways. I have four tests this week and three on Thursday I also didn't have school yesterday or Friday

-Ash

POISONOUS//lashton auWhere stories live. Discover now