POISONOUS//lashton au

Eleven

"Bullshit."

Luke leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest and a glare on his face.

"You can't possibly love me. If you love someone you don't leave them just because. You don't go three years with no communication.  You don't leave then randomly pop back into their life three years later. That is not what love is. Love is sticking it out. You stay through the bad times no matter what because you love them. Because you want to be with them. Love is not abandonment the second there's a bump in the road."

Ashton flinched at the harshness in his voice but nodded in agreement. "I know. I'm honestly a coward and I really hate myself. I get that you wouldn't believe that I love you so I'm not going to try and convince you but I do. And it was stupid of me to leave you and I have regretted it for the past 1109 days. I would do anything to change what I did but I can't."

Luke paused. He had lost count of how many days it had been after the first year. Only with the help from Calum. He was surprised that Ashton had kept track.

"You've kept track of how many days it's been?" Luke was shocked to say the least.

"Yeah. I have. I didn't want to forget. I couldn't if I tried. It was 1109 days of torture and it was every single day that I deserved it. I am truly sorry Luke. I know you may never forgive me but I need you to know that I am sorry."

It was too stressful for Luke. Ashton still loved him. He knew exactly how many days he'd been gone for. And even just that he was sitting right in front of Luke. Everything was too much. And Luke needed answers. So he finally asked the question he'd been needing the answer to for three years. His voice broke as he stumbled over the words but he swore he would not cry.

"So why did you leave me then?"

Ashton looked up at Luke with pain in his eyes.

"Because I was scared. I was so in love with you and I knew I would be leaving for college soon and I was scared for our future. I would be moving away. Far away. I wouldn't be able to see you so often and I was scared about the distance. I was scared we would become distant and eventually break up and I didnt want that. But the day I moved away, which was 4 days after I broke up with you, I regretted what I did. I wished I had stayed with you. Because like you said, love isn't leaving when there's a bump in the road. I should have stayed because I love you. We could have gotten through it. We loved each other and we could have done it and I hate myself for leaving you. I wish I never had Luke and I am so sorry."

That was a lot to take in for Luke. It took him a moment to regain himself but when he did he realized how bad that made his heart hurt.

"Ashton. You broke my heart."

"I know I did I get that and I-"

"No! No you can't possibly get that." Luke interupted him. "You may realise that you broke my heart but you don't 'get it' or understand it. You left. And that was your choice Ashton. It may have made you hate yourself and you may have regretted it. But you left me. And for three years I went everyday wondering what I did wrong. I had to wonder everyday why you did it. I had so many questions but could never find the answer. The love of my life left me without even telling me why. It hurt. And you do not know how I feel or what it's like."

Ashton nodded. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry Luke. I so badly wish you believed me but I know that's a pretty hard thing to believe considering what I did."

"I do believe you Ashton. I believe you are sorry. But that doesn't mean I forgive you. You hurt me. I don't think I can forgive you."

"I can't blame you." Ashton nodded.

They sat in silence for a minute. Then Ashton asked,

"How much time do I have left?"

"What? Oh. Right." Luke pulled out his phone, almost forgetting about the 20 minutes. "5 minutes."

"Alright better make the most out of it then."

"Guess so."

Ashton thought for a second.

"What have you been doing? Did you go to school? How's your family?"

"I'm in my second year at college. Still taking some pretty basic classes. Plus I work at a library. Which you saw. As for my family, they're fine. Nothing new really."

Ashton nodded. "That's good."

"Where did you go?" Luke asked.

"What?"

"Where did you go? Where have you been for the past three years?"

"Oh. Perth. I went to college for two years but then dropped out."

"Why did you drop out?"

"I couldn't do it. It was too hard to be away from home and I needed to go back. I waited another year because I was afraid."

"Did you know I would be here?"

"No." Ashton shook his head. "No that was me hoping and praying and a lot of wishful thinking."

"Yeah. Well. I haven't left so."

Ashton nodded. "Yeah."

It was another silence. Then Luke shifted in his chair.

"I should go."

"Okay. Um, thank you. For doing this. I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd said no so thank you."

"Yup." The two stood up and both walked over to the door. Ashton opened it up and held it open for Luke which made him slightly uncomfortable. "Bye." Luke walked in the direction of his house without looking back and hoping he wouldn't have to again.

~

I started watching friends

My story of the day

-ash