POISONOUS//lashton au

Thirteen

Eventually, Luke had gotten used to the slow pace his life went by at. It crawled by at a tremendously slow speed. And he was fine with that. It didn't really occur to him after a while.

Which is why during his Saturday shift, when it was already 12:30, he was shocked. The morning went by fast. Something completely unexpected.

Luke stood up from his desk chair immediatley and made his way out into the sunny afternoon weather. Ashton was already sitting there drinking a coffee and on his phone. Luke took a deep breath and made his way to the bench right outside the building. He sat down beside Ashton without saying anything. Ashton glanced over at Luke then looked away again.

He was going to let Luke talk first. Luke knew this. Luke was the one who wanted to talk so Ashton was going to let him speak first. Especially since Ashton promised Luke what he did. At this point though, Luke wished he didn't have to start. He was never good at starting things.

"Hi." Luke mumbled.

Ashton looked over at Luke again who still wasn't making eye contact.

"Hi." Ashton replied.

Luke didn't know where to start. He didn't want to start. He felt Ashton looking at him.

He'd missed Ashton. He still missed Ashton. Even though he was sitting right beside him, he didn't have his Ashton sitting next to him. If his Ashton was sitting next to him, they would be holding hands. Their fingers would be laced together and Luke would be sitting as close to Ashton as he could, not at an awkward distance. This was not his Ashton.

"Do you want me to start?" Luke finally looked up at Ashton who had just suggested exactly what Luke had hoped for

That's when Luke realised that Ashton was sitting next to him. This was not his Ashton, but it was still Ashton. And Luke had a friendship with Ashton before a relationship. Before Luke and Ashton dated, they were still close. Ashton had always been good at understanding what Luke wanted. He was good at knowing how Luke was feeling and he always knew when he was lying. Something Ashton had been good at before they even started dating. Sometimes, Luke didn't like that, but here, he couldn't have been more thankful.

"Please." Luke whispered.

That was something Luke had forgotten. He forgot how well Ashton knew him and how hard it was to hide anything from him. It made Luke miss Ashton even more. He felt tears sting at his eyes but he swore he wasn't going to cry. He was not going to cry. He refused to cry

"Alright. Well I'm assuming you'll want to know why I'm back in Sydney. Why now. Why now after three years?"

Luke looked at Ashton, then away. "Yeah. I want to know that."

"Okay. So I already told you that I was in college for two years. Well when I dropped out, it was June of last year. I had a small apartment that I was living in and a pretty crappy job. But it paid the bills. So when I dropped out I considered coming back to Sydney but I was absolutley terrified. For the first two years I tried to convince myself staying away was for the best but then I dropped out because it was getting harder to convince myself. Then over the next year it was a matter of being brave enough to come back home."

"But it took you an entire year to tough it out and finally come back?"

"Yup. It was absolutley terrifying to actually do."

"How?"

Ashton sighed. "My family always loved you Luke. They thought you were great. And no matter how much they love me or how often they told me it was my life and my decisions to make, I knew that they hated what I did to you. It didn't matter that I was their son or their brother. They knew what a horrible thing I did and no amount of love could prevent them from realising that. I didn't have much contact with them for those three years. I called sometimes. But hardly ever. I was quite convinced they hated me. They didn't of course. Sure at first they were pretty disappointed in me but I was still scared and all I could see was the disappointment. That was however, a more minor reason for why I waited so long. The biggest reason was you. I knew the chances of me running into you here were pretty high. leaving Sydney was never a huge priority for you and I knew that. I was terrified to see you again. I knew you would hate me. Seeing you was a thought that honestly scared the shit out of me because for three years the thought that consumed me every single day, was how much I hated myself for hurting the person I love. I hated myself. I still do honestly and the guilt I felt then is guilt that I still feel. But the longer I stayed away the worse I knew our confrontation would be. So four weeks ago I finally forced myself to do it. I quit my job, sold my apartment, and am staying at my mums until I get a place. So that is why I waited so long. Because I'm an idiot who can't face his fears."

Luke said nothing for a while. All he could do was stare straight ahead. Until he finally realised he had to say something.

"Fears take a long time to get over."

"What?"

"Fears. No fear is ever a simple thing to get over. They all take time. And even though I say that, I hope you know this doesn't mean I forgive you."

Ashton took in a deep breath. "Luke I would understand if you never forgive me."

Luke nodded. "Alright well I guess I have another question." He paused, "How have you been?"

Ashton looked at Luke slightly confused.

"Do you sincerely want to know that?" He asked.

"I don't know. I mean I want to know. But part of me also doesn't care. So just tell me."

"Honestly? I've been awful. I hate myself. I hate my decisions. I hate what I did. I was so in love with you but so terrified that you were going to leave me that I decided to be a coward and leave you before I would get my heart broken. Well my plan back fired because my decisions ended up breaking my own heart."

Luke glared at Ashton. "You thought I was going to leave you."

"Yeah. I did. It was stupid of me to think."

"Yeah. It was. I was so in love with you. I never wanted to leave you. I never wanted you to leave me. What kind of person breaks up with the person they love because they're afraid? On that's right. You. You did that." Luke began to get angry and his voice rose. "And you know what Ashton? You don't have a right to be upset. You're the one who left. It was your choice. You didn't have to. So for you to be upset is pretty fucking selfish of you. And no matter how angry I am that you're upset part of me kind of wants you to be miserable. As sad and miserable as you made me. I miss you Ashton! I miss you so much! I miss being with you! I haven't been on a date, kissed or been kissed, or even fallen asleep with someone next to me. For three years. All because I'm still in love with you! I hate that I'm still in love with you though because I don't want to be with you ever again but it's so hard to move on from someone you are so desperately in love with!"

Luke was shouting. People heard him shouting and hurried by as they passed. And in the midst of his yelling, Luke broke his promise to himself and broke down in tears.

~

Ayyoooo 

I'm in  good mood

I have nothing to say????????????

But people are loving this and I'm super happy about that so thank you!

It makes me even happier when I receive comments because those are awesome.

Anyways have a good week

-ash