Ashla's one shots (requests open)

That time the 501st tried caf

Tw: Injury and vaguely sexual innuendos.

"What's that?" Jesse curiously asked Obi-wan, peering into his cup.

Rex's eyes widened and he started shaking his head. Obi-wan didn't notice and responded, "Caf. Would you like to try some?"

So Rex buried his face in his hands as Jesse tried a sip. 

"That's so good!" Jesse gasped. "And... I feel like my insides are buzzing!"

Obi-wan's brow pinched in concern. "Maybe see Kix then."

"No!" Jesse shouted, grabbing the cup. "The others needs to try this 'fore it dries up!"

"Oh my," Obi-wan said as Hesse sprinted away. He glanced at Rex. "Was I not supposed to give it do him?"

"We're trying to keep the 501st away from caffeine," Rex tiredly confirmed. "I'll just comm Kix and tell him to ready to sedate some people."

"I'll warn Anakin." Obi-wan bustled away as Rex prepped for the hardest battle of his life.

Fives was practically bouncing off the walls. Echo was rubbing at his head in the corner, muttering something about colours under his breath. Hardcase was twitching.

"Isn't caf the greatest?" Jesse giggled. "I feel amazing! I never need to sleep! Ever!"

"Hey, boys," Rex softly said, slowly walking closer to them. He held out his hands to prove he was not a danger to them.

"Rex!" Fives shrieked in joy. "Try caf!"

Rex placed his helmet on the ground next to him. "I already have, but thanks."

Fives looked to be vibrating. "I- I- I don't l-like my heart going this fast."

Rex offered a sympathetic smile. "That sucks. Do you wanna maybe stop drinking the caf, then?"

"No!" Fives gulped down more. "You'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands!"

Rex gave Kix the signal, who carefully crept forward.

"He's trying to take the caf!" Hardcase screeched, pointing at Kix. "Get him!"

Kix screamed as he was tackled, the needle falling out of his hands. Chaos ensued.

Echo started pleading for help, saying he was dying. Fives and Hardcase hanged up on Kix. Jesse targeted Rex.

And three important things added up.

1: Kix managed to stun Hardcase and Fives.

2 Echo was worrying himself so much, he passed out.

3: Rex was knocked out by Jesse.

And you might be wondering what these all had to with each other.

The answer, my friend, is what happened next.

Rex crumpled to the ground, and Hardcase and Fives both landed on him. Echo passed out, hitting his head on the floor next to them.

And suddenly Kix was alone with four unconscious people, all of whom had head injuries now.

"This is why we don't give them caf," Rex exhaustedly told Obi-wan. He didn't bother to lift his head, too bogged down by his concussion to care enough to look professional. 

"I'm truly sorry, Rex." Obi-wan held out a box. "Perhaps this will make up for my error."

Rex opened it and blinked in surprise at it. "It's... a datapad?"

"I know you can't use it with the concussion, but after it should entertain you. I paid for a subscription to a new holoprogram." Obi-wan smiled kindly. "It's entertaining enough to distract yourself on long nights."

"It's very kind of you, General." Rex tucked it away. "Please hide it before-"

"What's that?" Fives curiously asked.

Rex closed his eye and blew out a heavy breath. He knew what he had to do. "It's a gift for me."

"What is it?" Hardcase asked.

Rex would never live this down, but he couldn't get them addicted to holoshows. It would be embarrassing and awkward, but he had to do it.

"It's for long nights by myself."

Echo tilted his head innocently. "What?"

"After a while, you get certain needs sometimes," Rex slowly said to Echo. "You need to satisfy yourself."

Fives gagged. "I don't want to know more."

"I don't understand," Echo admitted.

"When a man loves-" Jesse cut himself off and frowned. "Actually, Rex doesn't love anyone. That's the problem. No one loves him."

"I could help you at 79's," Fives offered. "I've seen you flirt. It's weird."

"It's not weird!" Rex's face flushed and he regretted this topic to distract them with. "I like it to be nice and not seem lewd!"

"This is why you need whatever's in that box," Hardcase told him.

Obi-wan looked slightly green. "I apologize. I should... probably go."

Rex shot him a terrified look as Fives started ranting about different pick-up lines.