Becoming His Fix

34

Kit's POV

It was late by the time Roland came back to the cabin. He had gone off somewhere after he got back and the only reason I knew that was because Andrew and Mary came a while later to check on him and he was nowhere to be seen.

I had tried to go out to look for him but when I looked at all the places he usually was; the art room, the workshop, the clearing I had taken him to, he couldn't be found so I went back to the cabin in case he came back there at some point.

It took hours for that to finally happen. Hours of me wanting to go find him, of me pacing the cabin waiting for him to come back, hours of wanting nothing more than to comfort my boyfriend and him not being there to let me.

I was on my bed when the door finally opened. It was late and I had skipped dinner to wait for him but it was worth it to feel his small frame against my chest the second he saw I was there.

"I missed you," I told him as I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him in closer. He didn't say anything back but he didn't have to. His head rested on my chest as he pressed a light kiss to my neck. "I take it that it didn't go as smoothly as you had hoped?"

He shook his head and I frowned, my hand going to play with his hair.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head again so I let him be. The two of us did nothing for the rest of the night but lay in silence until we drifted off to sleep.

The next morning wasn't much better. It was a Monday meaning we had to wake up for classes and Roland was not having it.

"Come on baby, you have to go to school or you'll get in trouble." His head shook as he leaned farther into the pillow. "If you don't get up I'm going to have to go get Andrew. Maybe he'll give you a personal day."

He didn't move so I pulled away and began walking to the door.

Andrew's door was open, the way it always was when he wasn't in a session. The second he saw me lingering in the doorway he frowned.

"Roland," he asked as he stood up and met me at the doorframe.

"He doesn't want to go to class," I told him and his frown deepened. "He hasn't said anything since he came back yesterday; it's probably best for him to not go."

"It will be his second absence in a month," Andrew sighed as he began walking to the cabin.

"Is that against the rules or something," I asked as I followed behind him.

"It's frowned upon but there are no rules regarding mental health days here as long as the work gets done at some point and your grades don't drop because of it."

"Then what's the problem?"

"You won't; be able to stay with him this time. We can't let your grades slip because of him. You're graduating this year; if you fail this year because of him we have to move you to a different cabin next year and I'm sure neither of you want that. On top of the fact that it will be affecting the plans you already have."

"I don't think he's going to like that," I said as I kicked a rock.

"I'll stay with him," Andrew said with a shrug. "At least he won't be alone that way."

"Fine, if I can't stay then you have to be the one to tell him that." Andrew sighed at the demand but nodded.

Roland hadn't moved from his place on the bed. His face was still shoved into the pillow, his hair was wild and all over the place, his nightshirt was riding up on his back, and his sweatpants that I made him change into were wrinkled. He was the least put together that I had ever seen him and I hated it.

He was always the one who was forcing me to be clean and get up in the morning yet he lay here looking like absolute death. I wanted nothing more than to find a way to fix it but I knew that's not how these things worked.

"How are you feeling today, Roland," Andrew asked as he came to stand on the side of the bed that Roland was huddled against.

Roland didn't answer but I didn't expect him to.

"Would you like to stay here for the day?" He nodded this time but other than that didn't move. "Okay, we can do that. I'll stay with you today and then when school is over I'll bring you all the makeup work but Kit has to go to class."

I wanted for the meltdown; for the tears or explanations as to why I should be allowed to stay but he said nothing. His eyes were dead and I hated it more than anything.

"Kit is going to leave for class now," Andrew said as he threw me a look over his shoulder before glancing at the door and looking back at my boyfriend.

I wanted to stay but I knew better than to fight Andrew, he wouldn't budge so I left.

Class sucked like usual. It was spent taking notes, doodling it on the paper, and thinking about Roland.

I knew the meeting was going to affect him pretty badly but I was hoping that by some miracle we would skip that part and it wouldn't be so bad.

I wish I could have kept him from that. More than anything I wished they would have just left him alone. They didn't deserve him and they would never see what their random meeting did to him.

I sighed as I walked to the lunchroom alone. It wasn't uncommon for me to walk alone but I hated the fact that when I got back to the cabin I would probably see Roland in the same place he had been when I left.

I was right. Roland still lay in the same position, bundled up in my blanket with only his head poking out. Andrew sat on the foot of the bed seemingly talking about nothing just to fill the silence in the room.

"I bought you lunch," I said as I set his tray on his dresser like usual. "You want to sit up and eat or should I spoon-feed you from there?" He glared up at me but didn't move. "Alright spoon feeding it is then." I barely got the food piled together before Roland was sitting up and taking the tray from me with his lips pouched out.

"You won't do it right," he said as he stared down at the plate with disinterest.

"There's a correct way to eat," I teased, just happy that he was eating something.

"You have to go in a circle," he said. "One bite of everything until it's all gone."

"You're making that up. I have never once seen you do that." At least he was speaking.

"I do it all the time," he defended weakly. His voice was strained and I could tell he didn't feel like talking but was forcing himself to.

"No you don't," I teased before putting a hand on his knee. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to. We can be quiet." His eyes were tired and the motion was strained but he smiled up at me as he leaned into my side.

"Thank you."

"I like you a lot," I said as I nudged his side. He didn't speak back but the look in his eyes said enough.