Momma's Little Soldier

Chapter 32

"Ash, if I didn't know any better, I would say you are hammered." My body slowly turned towards my friends as I sheepishly smiled at them. "Me? Hammered? Noooo, never!" I giggled. "Oh really? Then how many fingers am I holding up?" Jordan held up his hand and from what I could make out, it's three, but with how much his hand had multiplied, it's nine. "The smart person in me knows it's three, but I am seeing your hand three times so that means it is nine and since I am still aware of my basic math skills, at least I know I am doing better than Tom." Jordan and I looked over at Tom, who was passed out on the floor with his shirt off and half of his beer spilt next to him. I looked up to see Jericho and Sonja cuddled up very close to each other and my heart seemed to tug for a moment... Odd. My eyes traveled back up to Jordan's and he gave me a confused looked, "What was that look for?" My face felt hot and I tried to calm down my nerves, but I found it impossible. Shaking my head and trying to laugh it off, I stumbled over to Jordan and flopped down next to him.

My eyes finally settled long enough to see that most of the people have cleared from the Pit, most people either stumbled out with their friends or with someone they planned on sleeping with or just on their own. It baffled me how intense these people party, one moment I was taking a swig from a whiskey bottle and the next I was being lifted up in the air and was passed around by people who were chanting my name giggling, how I even still remember that detail is beyond me. My eyes scanned through the room until they stopped, landing on someone who I haven't seen the entire night, I felt my breath hitch for a moment, taking in the sight. I didn't realize they had a closed off section, judging by the few people that were in it, it was meant for Leadership and Leadership only. I watched as he shook Max's hands, walked over the ropes, and leave the Pit without another word, where is he going? I am going to assume back to his place, but it wouldn't surprise me either if he decided to go workout or just go to his office and work. My gazing was cut short when I saw a hand wave in front of my face, "Earth to Ash."

My eyes snapped to Jordan's quickly, "What's up?" Trying to act as if I wasn't staring at Eric so intensely. "Alright, tell me," I opened my mouth to try and get a lie out, "and don't bullshit me either. I might not be from Candor, but I can spot a lie from a mile away." My mouth closed quickly, letting the air come out of my nose and shaking my head. "I fucked up, majorly Jordan." His raised eyebrows told me to keep going. "I came here with one thing in mind, make it through initiation and become a member. That was it. I didn't want to make friends, I didn't want to get wrapped up in anything that could potentially ruin that for me, none of it, until Foxie over here welcomed me with open arms and her bright personality, I knew I was fucked. Then one by one, you guys became apart of me, I don't think I would've made it with my sanity still intact if it weren't for you guys. Then... Out of nowhere, this man comes and knocks the fucking wind right out of me because he is hot one second and then cold the next, but at the same time it drives me insane in the best way possible. There is a heart behind the stonewall exterior and it's a good heart, damaged maybe, but it is still pure and it cares so much. It is sweet and loving and it is taking everything in me to not run through these fucking hallways until I find him and just-" Jordan placed a hand on my shoulder to stop my drunken ranting and I looked at him. "Never in a million years would I have expected you to open up and two, tell me you caught feelings for the big bad wolf known as Eric. Why didn't you say anything about this?"

"And be like what? 'Hey guys! Great news, the man that has basically drove me nuts since the minute I came down here is someone I have a big crush on! Surprise!' That would've gone over very well." My voice mumbled the last part. "Well it wouldn't have exactly been the easiest conversation to have, Sonja would've tried to convince you to not do anything about it and find someone else, but at the end of the day Ash, if he is someone you want to be with... Then go for it. Besides, it's no longer a big no-no since you are now a full member of Dauntless." He's right, everything he is saying is right. I stood up and felt the alcohol leave my body as I took off running, I didn't know where I was going, but I was going to search this place high and low if I had to. Running over to the training room first since it was the closest place to me, nothing. I ran over to his office, also a bust. This bitch better be home or a swear to god I'll jump on the next train and go out into the city if I have to! My steps slowed down as I made my way to his door, I could hear my heart in my ears as my body just mindlessly knocked on the door. I think sobriety smacked me across the face once I realized what I was doing in the first place.

How? Why? Why did I think this was a good idea?! What am I even going to say to this man if he even opens the door!? All thoughts and questions went out the window when the door opened and my eyes landed on him, comfort was all my mind could think of when I saw him. He was wearing black pants and a black hoodie, his shoes were off, but his watch was still on which means he hasn't been home long. It was far different than what I usual see him wear, the hoodie gives him more of a relaxed vibe than his typical tighter workout clothes do. "Ash? What's going on?" His tone seemed panic, as if he was the one who should be panicking, I was lucky I could even hear him through the sound of my heart. I took in a deep breath, what else do I have to lose? "Can we talk?" With a simple nod of his head, he stepped to the side and let me walk past him into his apartment. The door clicked close and I turned around to face him, I went to open my mouth but no words came out, Speak god dammit! There is no time to chicken out now! 

"Ash, you know you can talk to me. What is it?" That's the thing, my body knows that and my mind knows that, but my heart just isn't ready to believe that someone is actually going to be there for me like he has promised me. The more I look at it though and the more I am looking at him, the more my heart is coming to terms with it, just say it, "You knock the wind out of me more times than I care to admit, your emotional whiplash not only pisses me off, but it is also one of my favorite things about you. You have been there for me, whether I have realized it or not and there aren't enough words for me to thank you because of it. I wanted to hate you, every fiber in my being wanted to hate you and I used to look at you and see a stone cold wall, but now I look at you as someone who is nothing but comfort. I was afraid of coming here and having someone see me at my lowest and to think that the person who would see me like that was you, but you didn't judge me for it. You helped me and the feelings I have for you are so fucking unreal Eric, I can't even see straight." There it was, word vomit that probably left him just as confused as myself, maybe even more confused. We stood there in silence, both just staring at each other and my face slowly turned red from the amount of embarrassment I had for myself. I knew I should've done this completely sober, I felt myself walk forward so I could leave, "Then do something about it." I froze. My brows furrowed at his statement, "What?" Was all I could get out. "If you are going to come here and say that, then do something about it."

His voice had heart behind it, but his eyes held this fire within them, it almost made them dark. His strong stance seemed to be slightly on edge, as if he didn't know whether to just come to me or if I was even going to go to him. The only sound in the room was my heart beating out of my chest or at least it feels like it since that's all I can hear. My body couldn't take it anymore... One step... Another step... A couple more until my body was pressed against his and our lips just inches apart. I watched as our breathing started to match each others and slowly saw us inch closer and closer, neither one of us fully closing the distance, "Fuck it." Was all I could get out before finally closing the distance. Our lips touched and my heart jumped out of my chest, the first time we kissed it was electric and this was no different, actually it felt more intense than the first time. His hand cupped my face while the other hand gripped onto my hip and pulled me in, while I took my hand closest to the one touching my face and placed it over his. The kiss got more and more intense as time went by and he didn't hesitate to pick me up and bring me to his bed. I felt his rough hands slip under my shirt, pressing firmly against my skin, the moan that came out of me was almost guttural, needy... Damn well on the scale of begging from how it came out and he felt it and so did I. 

He placed me onto his bed and pulled away, placing his forehead onto mine, both of us trying to catch our breath, "Are you sure this is what you want?" Is this what I want? Am I actually thinking clearly? My mind has never been so quick to say Yes. I pulled back to get a good look at him, his face was flushed slightly, his breathing was staggered, I probably looked the exact same but I didn't care. I brought one of my hands to his face and looked at him, "Please. I want this, just please." My voice was hushed, but never wavered. Those words were all he needed to bring me back into another heated kiss and into a very long heated night.