Momma's Little Soldier

Chapter 5

"Are you excited about tomorrow?" Olivia asked while we were eating dinner. "I'm as ready as I can be, right?" I half smiled and continued to push the vegetables around my plate. "I know how you feel, the Choosing Ceremony was scary for me, but once it's over, everything will be alright." I nodded my head before setting the fork down on the plate. "Auntie Sasha, can you help me with my homework?" David asked me and he pushed his plate away. "David, I think Sasha would like to take relax tonight before the Choosing Ceremony," Olivia explained as she collected everyone's plates.

"No it's fine, I would love to help. What homework do you want me to help you with?" I asked David, as he started pulling out his books. "Science, I know I understand cells, but I want to be sure." The rest of the kids, Damion, and Olivia cleared away from the table so David and I could work. "Mitochondrion." I read on a flashcard, now all David has to do is give me the definition. "Where respiration takes place and energy is produced." I set down the last card and gave him a high five.

"See, you had no reason to go back and make sure you understood this. You are going to ace this test in a few days." He smiled at me and put his homework away. "Okay, let's get ready for bed now," Damion called out to the kids and I looked at the clock. It was already 8:30 and I really wish that time would just slow down already, "I want you all in your beds in 20 minutes, so we can say goodnight." Olivia said and they all rushed to where their bedrooms are. "Hey Liv, I was wondering if I could say goodnight to them tonight? It might be a while before I get to see them again." She looked confused and Damion's eyes went wide. "What do you mean?" I tried to find the words to create a lie and fast.

"W-well, because I might not stay with Erudite and if that's the case, I won't be able to see the kids for quite some time." "Oh, that's right! Of course, you can, you don't need to ask." She smiled and Damion's eyes went back to normal. "Mommy!" I heard all three voices call from their bedrooms. I walked into David's room first, "Nah, you get me for a few minutes." He laughed as he laid in his bed. I walked over and sat down next to him, "Are you going to choose Erudite tomorrow?" He asked me and I felt my heart crush inside of me. "I haven't decided, but if I do leave I just want you to know that I love you and I will make sure that I will see you soon. I promise." I put my hand on his face before I kissed the top of his head.

His eyes were sad, but he sat up and wrapped his arms around my neck while I wrapped my arms around him as well. "Choose the faction you want to call home, even if it's not Erudite." His voice whispered in my ear and I felt the hot tears fall down my face. "O-okay." Was all I could get myself to say before I tucked him back into bed. The next room I went to was Aiden's room, but of course, he was already passed out, but I went over to him and kissed the top of his head, "I'll be back soon, I promise." I walked out of the room and lastly walked over to Emma's room. She was sitting up in her bed, the lower half of her tiny body was covered by her blankets, "Sashy!" My smile was so wide when she called me by my nickname. "Hi, pumpkin." I got under the covers with her so I can sit next to her. "Can you stway the night?" She asked and I moved a small piece of her hair out of her face.

"I can't tonight sweetie, but I wish I could. Emma, do you remember I told you about the Choosing Ceremony," I asked and she nodded her head, "well tomorrow I am gonna go to a new faction and I might not be able to see you for a while, but I want you to know that I will always love you." She looked up at me with her hazel eyes like Damion's. "When will you bwe bwack?" "S-soon pumpkin... Soon, but I want you to know that when you are old enough to choose, go wherever you want to go. Not to where someone else wants you to go, got it?" She nodded and laid down in her bed. After one finally forehead kiss goodbye, I got up from her bed and quickly walked out, "Are you okay Sasha?" Olivia asked, obviously concerned that I was crying and running out of the rooms.

"I'm fine, just a little stressed, but I should be going," I threw my arms around her and hugged her, "thank you for everything," I whispered to her. "Anything for you." I pulled away from her before I pretty much threw myself on Damion. "Wow, you will see me tomorrow." He wrapped his arms around me. I shook my head in the crook of his neck, "I'll see the work you. Not this version of you." The sigh the escaped his lips was an indication that he knew I was right.

I let go of him and walked out of their house and to the elevator that will take me back to my place. I was surprised how I lasted from the elevator ride, to saying goodnight to my mother, to my bedroom without letting my tears loose, but as soon as I turned off my lights I lost it.

I kept myself very quiet, but with that came the uncontrollable shakes and hyperventilating just so my mother doesn't hear me sob. I don't want to go to Dauntless, I don't want to leave Damion, I don't want to leave the ones I love, but at the same time, I don't want to stay. The Choosing Ceremony is all about where YOU want to go, not where your family wants you to go. I would give up everything just to go to Amity, feeling the sunshine warming up my body, feeling the grass in between my toes, knowing what it is like to have complete freedom. I'm never going to experience that, I'm never going to feel happy at Dauntless because I don't belong there, I was programmed to belong there...