The girl who is the freedom |book 3| complete

Confessions of a traumatized stargazer

The idea that anger is gonna be a part of my life. I must confess that because it was something that was always gonna be a part of me whether it would be creative or disruptive or productive. I don't know, but it is just gonna be a part of who I am, I can only manage it in some cases that's why confession the idea that I am an angry person more so passionate then angry is something that is important to me that I keep with my passions and my goals and stuff and sometimes I have to get very angry and ordered to get to those things. Sometimes it's water and I don't mind that sometimes it is not warranted like let's say last week at basketball or wishing bad karma on someone that was not warranted, sometimes I'm just a retaliate bitch that does a lot of stupid stuff in the first place and then there's a time where the kid called me the slur, and I ended up whipping him in the face with my fist and I had to do that it was warranted because I was not exactly, enjoying being called the R slur and being called it repeatedly when I was going through PMS thank God I was going through PMS at the time, but not for my principal, and I slapped right in the face with my fist, and that put him in a nice coma for three weeks. I was not exactly happy about that must confess that I was not happy about having to do that in the first place Being a violent person, especially because of PMS was not exactly my cup of tea or coffee or energy drink would be more like it for me but anyway it happened I just wanna say that I did not enjoy doing that if anyone has no that I have done that well this is your time to know that I did not enjoy having to be violet in the first place in grade because someone called me what they are slur Slur is a big trigger for me and I this is a pain in the ass now I turned that anger towards anyone who might call my friend and end up saying stupid stuff about people with disabilities and general or mental illness and I will lose my shit because if someone is gonna say something stupid about people who have mental illness or mental disabilities especially if I know them personally, I will rip this one person to shreds verbally that being said, I just don't enjoy being angry it's not a good feeling. I must confess that it's not a good feeling to be angry, and certainly is not fun to end up showing that Lord of that world right now look that I'm famous  since said, I'm not exactly happy of having the same stairs as him if not worse than I am the world or evil eye stare anyway sometimes I don't like being angry to the point where I can look into someone and know what their sins are, and what they have done and what they haven't done not my cup of energy drink or coffee I say I drink tea because I don't like tea!
That said, I remember one woman who made a dent by anger. Her name was Shawna. She was the one that got me interested in crystals and this new stuff. That being said it was very interesting to see and explore and she where it was coming from stuff that people did not want to understand me and stuff. The fact that I had 100 crystals just about as much as I have now just for the same damn reason my anger and PTSD I must say was very interesting , I am still going through the realms of having a lot of crystals. I'm hoping to grow my crystal collection in this case, and the boy where they're all over my room and they're interfering with my bookshelf and stuff like that where I can't get out my books because there's a crystal and stuff like that that's where I also learned about the cairns balancing stones. I just knew balancing stones back then because I did not do the DNA test at the time so I did not know what the name of these balancing stones were. Anyways, I would see them all the time were you went on a trail it was very interesting more about that later on, and I was adding up doing more of these balancing stones when I was in my group because they help me grieve the people that I have lost or maybe even help with my creativity and such. It was very interesting to see that I was in doing something more constructive with my strength instead of punching someone out in the face. The logging of the rocks is actually not as bad as my way. 100 pounds yes, I can lift that or lug that without even dealing with any repercussions, or ramifications from my back doing a lot of or lifting a lot of weight is not as bad as you would think for my torture injuries it's actually a lot more beneficial because I'm using muscles that I don't always use in the winter time we had my torture injuries sing like a bastard! and what they saying soprano is usually in the winter time when I'm not doing very much lifting of heavy objects or I'm not doing very much to help the situation like sitting address, writing, or watching cobra Kai instead of actually using the damn muscles that I should be using to help alleviate this kind of pain I must admit that too in the summertime I'm able to move around more I'm able to do a lot more things, and I'm able to lift more things that are usually impossible for other people to do especially if they have torture injuries or scoliosis that is a very unusual thing that I have scoliosis and I'm able to carry my worth and weight without having a curse. Swear kind of interesting that I am strong but where do you look at me? You wouldn't think of it as me being strong until you find out with a hard way, when I made these dry, or if you had pissed me off! Hopefully it's when I make these cairns that you would find out it was me that was creating them in the first place, though fancy machinery, except for my hands and my muscles! I don't enjoy getting angry and have to be in a scuffle, so I try try to do more creative means with my strength!