My Love For You || KTH || 21+ ✔

CH:06

It's been a week since the surgery. I can see that Taehyung is thinking more than he should these days. But in front of me he acts like there is no problem, but I know he is worried about something, Something definitely big.

He didn't want to tell me what the problem was. I didn't force him, thinking that maybe he would share it with me when he was ready, but he didn't utter a word.

Honestly, deep in my heart I know that I am the root of all his problems.

I can't help but all these thoughts destroy my head whenever I'm alone. So I came to find comfort. As always. the church.

Today after breakfast I decided to come to church with Saya.I am wearing a long white and blue mix floral dress up to my ankles, with sleeves up to my elbows. Saya braided my hair to the side and let it fall over one shoulder.Some short hairs have fallen on both sides of my forehead by themselves.

"Oh, Adelina, my child, After long time." As Saya pushed my wheelchair, entering the church, the Mother superior of the church, Mother Maria, approached me with a big smile.

She was wearing the same habit she usually wear. Long plain black tunic with long sleeves. There is a white wimple covering her head and neck and a black veil with a white band that goes across her forehead. A silver Crucifix hangs over her chest. There is also a long rosary hanging from her waist.

She is the only person who calls me by my name without calling me Mrs. Kim. She says she loves what it means.Nobel and Kind. "How are you?" she asked standing right infront of me.

"I'm fine Mother. How are you?" I replied, there was a smile on my lips.

"I'm fine too, but now that I've seen you, I'm even better." I chuckled at her words. "Come, let's go out." She placed the Bible in her hand on a bench and walked out of the church, Saya pushing my wheelchair behind her.

We went to the row of benches under the big pine tree in front of the church, and as Mother Maria sat on the bench, Saya stopped my wheelchair a little in front of her.

"So Adelina, I know you don't just come without a reason," she said, "What's bothering you, child?"

I sighed at her question, she was right, I actually came here to talk to her, because she is the only person to whom I can really express the suppressed things in my heart freely.

I looked at my lap and took a deep breath. "You see, my surgery didn't go well. And my husband..." I stopped. I don't know how to say it "He had high hopes for this.... but with it failing, he seems to be under a lot of pressure these days. I don't know what to do. It breaks my heart to think that I can't do anything for him even though I know very well that I am the reason why he is like this." I poured everything on her face. I heard a big sigh coming out of her mouth.

"First of all, you need to stop thinking it's your fault, because it's not. And as your husband, it's reasonable for him to be worried about you. But honestly, there's nothing you can do about this, it's nothing we can control." She took my hand in her lap. I followed her actions and my eyes met her kind smile. "But you can talk to him, share what's on his mind, make up his mind, give him courage. That's the only thing you can do." she said.I sighed.As if he tells me everything.

"I don't think he's ready to share his problems with me. He stopped talking to me about his problems after I became paralyzed, he thinks it's not good for me in my condition."

Blinking, she stared at my hand between her hands for a few seconds.She is thinking about something. I'm not sure what is it. Maybe thinking about what to say next.

"I can understand, he wants to make your life comfortable, so he thinks it's not appropriate to tell you his problems with your condition."

"But Mother, I'm his wife, if he can't at least share his problems with his wife, what's the point of me?" I asked, "I'm tired of seeing him suffer alone and It make me feel like i don't deserve him." I feel my eyes sting a little.I blinked few times, trying to make the wetness fade away from my eyes.

"He really loves you, Adelina." she said softly, squeezing my hand. "And don't ever think that you don't deserve him, because he should be lucky to have a kind and loving wife like you and of course, he is well aware of that fact. That's why he still willingly stays with you in all these difficult situations."

"Sometimes, I wish he never met me. Then he wouldn't have to suffer like this because of me.What's the point of having a wife who can't even be there for him ?" The words just came out of my mouth with a sad chuckle and it definitely leave a bitter taste on my tongue. "Then all this could have been different.I feel like he and I are stuck in a life with no hope and no future. Especially he is stuck because of me."

I know my sounds hopeless and tired, this is the first time i'm talking like this.But it's the truth.When I meet Mother Maria's wide eyes, I can say that she is shocked by my words.

"Jesus! What are you talking about?" she asked with a gasp,placing a hand on her chest. "The Adelina I know is never one to lose hope." She said shaking her head.

"What can I do, Mother? I am fed up with this whole situation." My eyes went to my lap.

"You need to stop thinking like that. Life is hard as it is, but if our minds are strong, we can handle anything. Taehyung is working hard to get you back on your feet. You can't come this far and stop. It's not fair to you or his hard work at all." She said.

"Like i said earlier , talk to him, he needs it at this time, he needs your support. It doesn't have to be physical, you can help him with words.At this time, mental support is more valuable than anything else. You two need to go on this journey together, make it clear to him. Only you two know each other very well. So the best thing is to make him open up to you. Maybe he may not be ready like you said, but you can assure him that you are ready to listen to whatever he says."

"Remember, hope is what keeps us alive, a life without hope is like a ship without a sail. Never lose hope." She caressed my cheek gently and I leaned into her warm touch.

She is almost my mother's age, But sometimes I get that affection and advice that I don't even get from my own mother. I am not saying that my mother does not love me. Of course she loves me. But with Mother Maria, that feeling is very strange for me. Very comforting. Maybe it is because she is dedicated to God. i don't know.

She is the kind of person whom i can share anything with at any time.She is always willing to listen to whatever I say without judging me. It is a great comfort to have someone like her in my life.

Someone I can trust with my words. I am really glad about it. She is like an angel in my life, always finding a way for me when I am lost. Yes, that is the best name to call her.

Angel.

"God is on your side, everything will be alright." She said, making me smile at her.Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Saya sitting on the other bench smiling at us.

To be honest, I felt a great relief after pouring out my thoughts to her.

I hope everything will be fine as she said.