What is love? [PAUSED]

Chapter 18

I told him everything! Every single last thing. I was so nervous, but I'm glad I got that all out there. The bad part is that Rickey hasn't said a word yet. He's just been starring at the road driving silently. He is mad, I know it. Whenever Rickey is mad, he doesn't say anything for a while. He'll just focus on what he was doing before the conversation or argument started. I feel horrible honestly. Rickey was...is in love with Sebastian and finding out that he is hurting just ruins anything he was every planned for them two.

" R-Rickey, please talk to me. I know I should've told you earlier, but I was scared of how you would react. You love Sebastian-

" * Chuckles * I never loved that lying, cheating son of a bech " He finally says.

" You didn't?" I asked confused.

" Hell no. I mean yea, I first I thought I did, but then I saw how he truly was and the little love I had for him disappeared " He says stopping at a red light.

" So, why did you keep him around?" I ask.

" I don't know, I guess to just keep myself occupied with something or someone " He shrugs.

" I'm sorry Rickey, I should've told you when it first happened, but he told me not to. He said if I did, that he would hurt me way more than he already does " I say with tears forming in my eyes.

" You should've still told me Toyin. If you had told me earlier I would've gotten rid of him before he could even do any more damage " He says driving again once the light turned green.

" W-what do you mean by get rid of him?" I question.

" Exactly what it sounds like, I know people T...people I shouldn't know, but know " He says.

" I'm really sorry Rickey " I say. Tears slowing falling down my face.

" How long?" He asks.

" What do you mean?" I ask.

" How long has he been hurting you?" He asks.

" Wh-when you went to that meeting in Atlanta " I say.

" Toyin, that was a fucking year ago!! " He yells.

" I know I know, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell, I really did, but I didn't know how to " I cry.

" * Sighs * I can't believe this nor can I believe you. You're my fucking best friend, you're suppose to tell me any and everything...no matter what it is " He says his voice cracking a bit.

" I'm really sorry " I sniffle.

" STOP SAYING YOUR FUCKING SORRY, SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT!!!! YOU KNOW I WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO YOU, IF I KNEW YOU'RE BOYFRIEND WAS RAPING SOME GIRL..YOU KNOW I WOULD TELL YOU RIGHT AWAY!! " He shouts. I don't say anything back because I know he is right, he would tell me. I should of told him right away, but instead I keep it secret and let Sebastian hurt me. I can't do anything but cry right now, this is all my damn fault.

As soon as we got back to the apartment, Rickey went to his room and shut the door. He is so mad at me right now, I'm also mad at myself. Knowing him he probably isn't going to talk to me for a long time.

*****

* Weeks later *

I was right, Rickey isn't talking to me at all. He won't even look my way when I try to talk to, he is still angry. I don't blame him, I wouldn't talk to me either. As if I don't have enough on my plate all ready, there is Daniel who keeps calling my phone and who keeps sending me gifts and shit. I DON'T FUCKING WANT IT!! LIKE LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!! Does he not understand the fact that I can't and won't forgive him. Luckily though he hasn't tried to talk to at work, he has been too busy with meetings and stuff. Anyways I'm at my desk working on some paper works for Twain when the phone rings.