Inner Workings of My Mind

congrats........

**(Picture credit to owner; I found it online through a Google search 👀)**
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so, congratulations..........

You became your absolute worse fear
The thing that you feared even more than losing your fingers and/or hands
Never being able to play an instrument or compose music again

You became exactly like those that abused you, that you swore and prayed you never would

You didn't break the cycle like you always said you would, or promised you would, or always prayed to God for the strength to do

You became another spoke on the wheel to make it heavier and harder when it ran over those close to you and those who love you

You added to the pool of blood and tears beneath you

You did not grow, you did not become a man
You ended up becoming an empty shell when you left it ALL behind

You became a drunkard, and a fucker, a cheater of everything you promised and once held dear

You broke and burnt and destroyed everything good that was in your life; every single last bridge that was healthy for you - keeping only those with poisonous growth heavy on the ropes and weighing you down

You became a black hole; sucking all life and joy away
All the stars once held in my eyes gone to the abyss

You dug the hole with your insults, criticisms, and humiliation then buried me alive, with others help who you tricked, with all your slanders, fabrications, and blame-shifting

You pushed off everything, having no empathy, and instead played the victim - twisting it to where what you did to me you complained to others that I did it to you

You forcibly caused me to slowly fall backwards and be pushed further away into the dark cave - to isolation with not even a match to light the way

You acted like you were a god, born to be perfect at everything, that everyone should always praise you - and that I was a lowly omega, a nothing, that could never meet your ever changing and physically impossible standards

Yet, you always gave a sliver of hope; always that promise and held it over like a piece a meat above a lion's hungry maw

The promise that came with the little gold ring and sworn upon to one another and before others

The promise you were going to do, the same night you threatened and did
The same night you shattered me and my everything; my entire world lit into a supernova and slowly consumed by your vicious black hole

That was the same night the hope was to prosper, to finally bloom fully into a glorious flower that would be the center of the garden we were to build together

You brought nothing but death; no, something worse than death, for death would have been sweeter and not so harsh

The terror; the pure and absolute torment I went through - it was non-human

And it was from the beyond, that slowly pieced me back together - a work in progress I still am today

Out of the dense fog, out of the suffocating smoke; slowly, ever so slowly scratching and scraping and screaming my way out

Those who truly care scooping and bucketing and heaving the excruciating weight of your manipulation, cruelty, disdainfulness, criticism and neglect off me

Piece by little shattered piece, I will be greater, powerful, and exceptional

The rare soul I am will only grow brighter; Blazing through the murk and shadows you tried to entomb me in

Though this is the utmost anguish I have ever suffered - I am all the more exquisite and more superior than you from it