The Regretevator writing dump / oneshots (regretefic)

I can't fix you

Unpleasant dragged himself to the graveyard. Holding a flimsy umbrella above his head to avoid the rain colliding with him, making him perfectly dry enough to visit the grave. 

He ignored the mud tainting the ends of his baggy jeans, he didn't even give two shits if his clothes were even appropriate for this weather, much less so actually look good, all he cared about and looked at the two graves placed there, it leaned in and carelessly wiped the mud away to read the tombstone owners.

Builderman  Doe and Jane Doe

Both of them dying in the same day in 2017.

And the gradient had the unpleasant experience of witnessing it full time. Sorta.

Still didn't mean he'd stop visiting his best buddies, dead or not, especially builderman, and despite falling off a bit with his wife. Builderman liked him enough to stay in contact, he remembered when infected came in and it came to babysit him for the first time as a favor for builderman.

He missed those times.

But now builderman was 6 feet underground. Dead. Never getting to see his son grow into the man he was.

...maybe it was for the best, but either way, unpleasant stepped back and stared at the graves for a moment before locking in to buildermans.

"It's been a while huh?"

Only the howling wind responded

"Actually it's been almost 6 or so years uh...it has been a long while really...I really don't know how infected is doing and I don't care for the others...they really don't like me that much now that you died.."

"...Heh..hehe..you know...you didn't have to leave me like that right?" 

Unpleasant smiled weirdly and started to tremble slightly

"You'd didnt HAVE to. Why..why would you?"

Unpleasant felt the words instinctively slip out from his throat, he knew what he was saying was bullshit since buildermans death was both out of his control and out of buildermans himself. There was probably a way to avoid it and yet none of them knew.

"Why?? WHY?? You should've picked me. It should've been me..it should've been ME who married you and been buried next to you."

"not treated like absolute GARBAGE."

Unpleasant dropped to the floor and clung onto the grave, his tears mixing in with the rain as the umbrella dropped to the muddy ground, sinking slightly into it.

"WHY CANT YOU JUST COME BACK TO ME? WHY!? I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE! IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME! NOT THAT WHORE! NO! LET ME HAVE YOU PLEASE."

"Please...let me see you again...I just want to see you....please..."

And then unpleasant, in a moment of absolute hysteria and mania, started to claw and dig away at buildermans grave, hysterically crying and screaming for him, for his dead lover, a lover he'll never have no matter how hard he tried.

As he dirtied and slightly bloodied hands scraped against the metal coffin lid, he used all his energy to pull it away, being hit with the stench of rotting flesh and dirt, and then he saw it.

Builderman

To unpleasant, it was just, plain old builderman, perfectly intact. Just like when he met him.

But in reality, it was half-mauled and rotting, you could barely recognize the face, but unpleasant didn't care, to him, builderman was still perfect, he ignore his gag reflex as the smell burned through his nostrils and throat as he gently picked up the carcass of builderman, like it was a delicate glass object, grinning from ear to ear, his eyes flamed with tears.

"Oh builderman how much I've missed you.." unpleasant hiccuped before leaning in and kissing the decayed and disgusting corpse on the lips, fueling his hypocrisy more.

unfortunately, another person had the other unpleasant experience of partially witnessing this breakdown.

Jeremy.

He just wanted to smash some graves and terrorize people like the evil little fucker he is but instead stumbled across the ugly gradient litteraly trying to make out with a corpse, that very obviously repulsed jeremy for when he is evil he has STANDARDS, he immediately grabbed unpleasant and separate it from the corpse.

"What the FUCK bro-"

"!? LET ME GO!! LET ME GOO!!" unpleasant broke down sobbing as Jeremy's tight grip sort of hurt his body, but Jeremy didn't care, he rolled his eyes.

"Sheesh. You really are fucked in the head, welp, there's goes my plan to destroy graves."

Unpleasant just bit down onto Jeremy's thumb, now usually, Jeremy would help and throw him away, but unpleasnat had bit him so many times it was basically nothing anymore, even after seeing the blood spurr out, jeremy just brought their other hand to lightly flick unpleasant on the forehead

"OW!!"

"Calm down psycho" jeremy rolled his eyes

"NO YOU!! LET ME GO I CANT LEAVE BUILDERMAN AGAIN PLEASE!"

"jeez what IS up with you too...it's been like. 40 years and I still don't know your deal with him."

Unpleasnat just bit Jeremy again to which he received an even slightly harder flick

"OWWWW!!!"

"stop that."

"FUCK YOU"

"I hate you too."

"WHY CANT YPU JUST DIE ALREADY?? YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BE CREMENTATED,"

"First of all I'M 60, second, YOU'RE ALSO 60. Old fart"

"YOU'RE THE OLD FART"

"NO YOU."

"YOU!"

"What the fuck"

The two geometric losers turned their heads to see the graveyard keeper stand there and confusingly watch the fight between the two, including the dug up grave and buildermans corpse just out in the open rain.

"...Now you two better explain what is going on or I'm calling the-"

Jeremy slammed his fist into the guard, flattening him as a sickening crunch reverberated. He wiped off the blood by shaking his hand.

"Yeah we needa get out of here."

"..you can start doing that by LETTING ME GO!!!!"

"Hmm...how about NO." He chuckled "that'd be too nice of me. And we'll, I'm pretty evil, so, I'll just trap you instead, I need a pretty princess after all."

Unpleasant stared in disbelief and horrid realization before screaming and squirming in the maniacally laughing pink cubes grip, getting dragged back into whatever forbidden place Jeremy keeps himself locked in.

All while a purple figure in the distance watched everything go down since the start. she soon flipped her ifone open and called a number.

"Hey mark? Uh huh- yeah...think I found him"