ForeverLand: Season 1

Accepting The Shadows

Clara's POV:

After the whole scenario with Pan, I locked myself in my room to think things through. I have to admit I expected Pan to knock on my door demanding answers but he didn't. Not that it matters anyways, it has been three days and I still haven't gotten anywhere. I am still stuck in the same confusion.

Why? Why did I kiss him? Even though it was on the cheeks, why?! Were they reflexes or some sort? I wasn't thinking clear. The only thing that ran through my head was that I needed salvation and he was the first on the list. UGH.

With utter frustration I grabbed a pillow and dug my face into it, groaning in the process.

I keep on trying to find clarity but nothing is working out. I feel like I am stuck.

I remember watching Doctor Phil once and he said admitting what you fear will help you through the confusion. Maybe I should do that. What the hell am I thinking? I am no Doctor Phil. I don't know shit.

Ok whatever, let's just experiment a little. Okay on the count of three, I will say how I feel about Pan.

1

2

3...

4

5

6

Ok don't be stupid, Clara. Just say how you feel. It's not that hard. You just need a little pep talk.

I immediately got off the bed and walked up to the mirror, admiring how my hair looked today.

ENOUGH DISTRACTIONS.

"You are brave" I said to myself in the mirror, "You hear me? You are Clara Hudson. You are a boss. You can...do stuff" I said pointing at my reflection. "You are hot and you are smart, so grow some balls" I said.

I continued looking in the mirror while cracking my knuckles like crazy. Maybe it's because I know where this is going. I immediately sighed as I pushed my hair to the back.

It's okay Clara, three words, just three words. It's simple.

Then why can't I say them? Is it because I am afraid or because the words are lies? Or maybe it is because I never thought I would say these words, especially while having Pan in mind. But maybe it's because I am scared of the commitment or maybe I am scared of being weak again. Maybe I am scared Pan will take advantage of my feelings or maybe I am-

"I love him"

Silence took over. In that moment I released a breath I did not know I was holding. All my fears and doubts vanished and I felt in utter peace. My eyes threatened to release tears that I wiped immediately and without any control, I found myself smiling like a maniac, showing both my dimples.

I was happy.

I guess this means that I am not confused at all. I guess I have had clarity all along. I have just been too afraid to admit what I need, what I want.

I love him. I am in love with Peter Pan, the most feared villain out there. I am in love with my lost boy. The one who is both my kidnapper and my salvation. My demon of a guardian. I am in love with him.

Third POV:

With her smile growing wider by the second, she exited the tree house in search of Pan. Her smile immediately vanished as she found Pan sitting in front of the bonfire, breaking sticks for the fun of it. He looked utterly upset and that caused Clara to sadden a little.