eilish tales - aunt billie!!

bad day

olive - 14

billie - 22

olives pov

its only 3rd period and it already feels like today has gone for forever. to be honest, lately nothing has felt very good, and even good days feel numb. 

today has been extra bad as only one of my friends was at school, i already got back a test that i failed in maths, and last night i relapsed, so having to hide my scars all day has been a pain. 

my science teachers voice rings in my ears, causing my head to throb, on top of the already debilitating cramps in my stomach. of course to add to my bad day, my body had to fucking start my period. 

but the main thing playing on my mind is relapsing. a while ago i told billie about my sh, but i had been talking to her regularly about how i was feeling, and i was getting better. apart from about 2 weeks ago, i had been feeling really good but then things started to go downhill. waves of sadness and anxiety and anger and more sadness just engulfed me, and it felt so suffocating i struggled to let billie in. 

and even though i was scared to ask for help, i needed to escape this hell hole right now, because i could not take it any longer. 

i raise my hand and ask to go to the bathroom. on my first try he says no, and i really dont have the patience today, so i use the 'lady time' excuse, and his face turns red as he quickly ushers me to go. i take my bag and all of my belongings with me, knowing i somehow will not be coming back. 

as i reach the bathroom i think about who to call to pick me up. i would call my parents, but if i have to deal with hiding my cuts for the rest of the day i think i might actually go insane, so i call billie instead. she just got back from coachella, and i know its been a busy week for her so im hoping shes not doing anything right now. 

"hey cherub, whats going on arent you at school?", she says as she answers the call. 

"hey. yea im at school can you pick me up if your not busy please?", i say, without any reasoning. i know billie is a dare devil at heart but she definitely wont just pick me up without a reasonable explanation. 

"oh no how come, are you sick my love?", she says with a worried voice now. 

"noooo, i just have really bad cramps and a headache plus im really tired and i just cant be here any longer and also i just wanna talk to you", i say, my voice sounds choked up now, and i can feel her becoming worried after i say i wanna talk to her. 

"alright lemme text finneas and let him know. im coming right now, are you in the bathroom?", she says. she knows me too well. 

"yeah", i say. "okay just stay there, have you taken like advil for your cramps or anything do you want me to bring you some?", she says kindly. 

"no i havent taken anything it would be great if you could bring some", i say politely. 

"of course baby, im almost there", she says. i leave the bathroom and walk to the front office. 

by the time i reach the office i see billie signing me out once again. she pulls me into a hug and i lean my head against her chest, while the office lady just stares at us weirdly. i really have no energy left at all, but she helps me out to her car, and then when we get in i let my body relax against the seat. 

"baby you know i cant keep picking you up from school like this. whats going on?", she says frowning at me as i just lay against the seat with my eyes closed. 

i open them and they immediately fill with tears. 

"im sorry billie i feel like i take up so much of your time but i just always feel like your there like no one else. i - i dont even-", i say, as i start sobbing. 

"oh no love its okay. i dont have any issues with picking you up your not wasting my time i promise. im just worried about you, and your attendance. but i also think that your mental health is more important than school. and clearly your not doing so great right now", she says as she holds me in her arms, while i sob. 

"oh no im thriving", i say sarcastically, as i pull out of the hug, still sobbing. she chuckles sadly and frowns at me, while she plays with the advil packet. eventually she pops out two pills and hands them to me, as well as her drink bottle. 

she puts her playlist on as we drive out of the school parking lot, and then the nerves rush through me, realising shes gonna ask what i wanted to talk about. 

"so tell me whats going on baby. clearly its not just cramps", she says, giggling. 

"well uhm", i look down at my hands, fiddling with my rings. "i relapsed. and i guess i just havent been doing so great for like the last 2 weeks. and i know you said to keep you updated but you were busy and stuff and i didnt wanna bother you. im sorry."

"oh olive. you can call me and text me anytime no matter what, i mean it. and its okay to relapse, but we just have to get you better again yeah? it might feel like maybe you dont want to right now, but i promise one day you will feel good again", she says. 

her words comfort me, and the tears still streaming down my face start to calm down. 

"it just feels like when im not good i wanna be better and when im good i feel guilty about it and wanna be worse again. its a cycle of self-sabotage i guess", i say shaking my head at the stupidity. 

"ooh i like that. cycle of self-sabotage. fuck i mean like not that its a good thing it just sounds cool. anyways, i promise i know exactly how you feel. i felt like that for a long long time as well, but baby you just have to be patient with yourself, and know that you have so many people around you to help, and it will get better eventually", she says, with one hand on my thigh and the other on the steering wheel. 

"thanks billie", i say as i let out a deep breath. i have one hand on my throbbing head, and the other on my stomach. 

"i fucking hate being a girl man", i say, and billie bursts out laughing. 

"fucking tell me about it. i think you airdropped your period to me you little bitch", she says cheekily, as she pulls into the mcdonalds drive thru. 

i always feel better around billie, even in the darkest of times, she always knows how to help. 

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why am i so bad at ending stories. anyway half the shit i wrote in here is exactly how i feel so yeah thats that. 

i love you guyssss, please stay safe and healthy, and comment and vote if you want ;))))))