Wonwoo cursed himself for being late for his examination yet again.
No matter how hard he tried to prevent his parents' words from affecting his days, he failed every time. He felt deeply compelled to accomplish something – the only thing – for their sake.
As he was busy putting up his standard smug façade and striding hurriedly to the examination hall with a few last-minute books open in his hand, along with his extremely precious diary he'd used in the bus while commuting, someone slammed into him from the back. All of the things he held in his hands tumbled to the floor, as he lost composure for a split second. By the looks of it, the person's stuff had fallen as well, and they quickly gathered it to move on with their day.
Wonwoo had this sudden rush of frustration, making him purposely shove the person in the side as he bent down to collect his own stuff. To make his day even worse than it already was, it was Kim fucking Mingyu who had bumped into him. Wonwoo growled, quickly picking his books up and leaving as soon as he could. He was surprised by himself, since he chose not to pass a snarky comment towards Mingyu at the given opportunity.
The exam ended miserably, and Wonwoo exited the examination hall feeling worse than ever. He knew everyone had their bad days, but he wondered if all of one's days could be this depressing. That was how Wonwoo's life had been for the past several years, ever since he lost his older sister to the God-forsaken education system.
He terribly missed Somi; she'd always be the one looking after Wonwoo, more of a mother than his own mum was. They had quite an age gap, too. Wonwoo, if he remembered correctly, was seven years younger than her, although he wasn't quite sure now. Despite trying hard to not let it happen, Wonwoo found himself gradually losing memories of Somi. It had been so long, and even his mind had given up trying to incorporate her in his memories. She was really pretty, and not just on the exterior – that was something Wonwoo would never forget about her.
Wonwoo lazily wandered to his locker, entering his code on the digital number pad to keep a few of his books inside. As he was busy loading his books, he noticed something horribly out of place – His diary was fucking missing.
It was gone, and Wonwoo didn't know where and how it had disappeared.
Wonwoo panicked; his diary had been his best friend after Somi. It held all of his rants, secrets, and a lot of stuff he had no one to speak about.
He racked his brain, but failed to recall how it went missing during the day. He'd clutched it close to him all the way from the bus till Pledis. Wonwoo felt like crying at the cruelty he faced from his life.
From the corner of his eye, he noticed Mingyu coming out of the same hall he'd been in a few minutes ago. The bastard was smiling like it was his birthday and Christmas on the same day, as he eagerly talked to his newly-made friend Lee Chaeyeon walking next to him. Wonwoo wanted to sock him hard in his throat. It was unfair how everyone other than him, Mingyu especially, seemed to be having a good, or at least a normal day. If everyone else deserved such a day, Wonwoo did too. It was infuriating how he never seemed to get to experience just a normal fucking day.
To prevent himself from breaking down in front of others present inside the locker room, specifically Mingyu, Wonwoo closed his locker with a loud bang, and briskly walked to the washrooms on the floor.
Hurriedly entering one of the cubicles, Wonwoo noticed that the washroom was completely empty. Having the habit of playing down everything he felt and did, he clamped a palm over his whimpering mouth to muffle his sobs. It was something his body did on autopilot, since he had been reprimanded for outwardly showing his emotions by his parents earlier. He'd never been allowed to cry, or even express anything openly. Nothing other than a happy, or at least a neutral face was always expected in front of his parents.
Wonwoo would have scoffed at the thought of his parents, if not for his unending sobs. Ironically, it was completely acceptable when they turned the entire house upside-down with their endless arguments and fights that get very serious most of the times, but when Wonwoo even happened to look sad, he had to sit through fifteen minutes of either of them – both, if it was a horrible day – reminding him that he had it easy, and how so many other students his age didn't have the life he did.
"I'd rather not have this life at all."
--
Wonwoo, quiet as a mouse, unlocked the house door after a painfully remindful bus ride that his diary had gone missing. He exhaled, relieved, when he saw the house empty; meaning both his parents must still be at work, or his dad might be drinking his heart out early in the evening on a Thursday. Wonwoo hoped he was – it was the only occasion when his dad had no energy to start a pointless argument with his mum, right before Wonwoo was about to fall asleep.
It had particularly been this way after Somi's passing. Wonwoo was just too young and dumb to understand anything earlier, but he'd seen it for himself now – why his sister had always tried to steer him away from much interaction with their parents. The way Somi used to sugar-coat it had made it seem so perfectly normal, and it had been a blow to Wonwoo's mind once he actually found out why she'd done so. It got worse after she died, and since then he would get dragged into their fights on several occasions.
When he thought of it this way, Wonwoo was glad he attended his classes regularly. Under the plausible excuse of having many tasks and assignments to complete, he got time to himself, albeit it being with the white noise of his parents arguing somewhere in the house.
It had always been the Jeons' little broken family, which underwent terrible attempts of being fixed once more every now and then.
Only when the door was unlocked again, did Wonwoo realise he was still standing in the living room after removing his shoes. The familiar click of his mum's shoes reached his ears, and his immediate instinct was to rush upstairs to his room and lock the door.
It didn't seem like his mum – Hyeri – had even noticed his presence, despite his prominent footsteps as he ran upstairs.
It was always that way; he never got the attention when he needed it, but it was only when he wanted time to cooldown, he was helplessly dragged into matters that had no visible solution.
