Wonwoo wondered why he ever believed Professor Lee would actually let him and Mingyu go without doing embarrassing things throughout practice.
He was stuck in a very uncomfortable situation, unable to look at Mingyu, while Professor at the front urged the both of them to get it on with the kiss. "I'm not asking you to suck each other's faces off," Professor, very unhelpfully, prodded.
Wonwoo wasn't sure of what he felt. He hadn't been, for the past few weeks, ever since he started working with Mingyu.
Kim fucking Mingyu; the boy he hated – or so he tried to believe, because all he did was ruin his life. Especially when Wonwoo's own life revolved around being academically superior and living up to his parents' baseless expectations, it had come as quite a challenge when Mingyu joined Pledis.
It was difficult for Wonwoo; he was supposed to be head-on competing with Mingyu, but he'd been realising that the boy didn't really care. At least not now, because he'd seen Mingyu readily helping him, interrupting his own work in the process. The more time he spent with him , Wonwoo realised he'd been hating him for no solid reason; it was just the pressure from his parents that made him act up towards Mingyu. Wonwoo wasn't sure of what to think of him, but he knew for sure that he didn't hate him anymore – the rippling resentment that used to give him uncontrollable urges to gorge Mingyu's fingers out, ridding him of ever being able hold a pen in his hand, had disappeared – it was just Mingyu's cockiness that got to him most of the times these days.
Gods, he loathed those lopsided smiles Mingyu sent his way after pointing out a mistake in any of his work. Wonwoo felt like clamping a palm on his stupid mouth every time he did that.
Professor interrupted him with a loud clap of his hands. "We don't have all day, Mr. Jeon," Without thinking much, Wonwoo bolted on his feet, and exited the auditorium before anyone could process what just happened. To his shitty luck, he heard another pair of feet following him a few seconds later as he slowed down to a jog and turned towards the bathrooms. Mingyu followed him, but Wonwoo pretended he hadn't noticed him yet.
"You're an asshole, you know that?" Mingyu said slowly, heaving, as he stood facing Wonwoo next to the sinks.
"I'm sorry?"
"You're too much of a selfish brat to leave me with Professor, and everyone else being jobless as fuck, to deal with,"
Wonwoo scoffed, taking slow steps towards Mingyu – who leaned with his back to the countertop in the bathroom. "I thought you were everyone's favourite, Kim. Surely you could wave your money in Professor's face to be plucked out of this shit, couldn't you?"
Without a second's hesitation, Wonwoo grabbed Mingyu by the collar and pulled him nearer, so he wouldn't have to speak louder.
"It's just a kiss, Wonwoo, it doesn't mean much," Mingyu snapped.
Wonwoo inhaled deeply, trying to not let rage get the best of him. His grip on Mingyu's now-wrinkled collar loosened. "Fine. It doesn't mean much? Go ahead then, see for yourself whether or not it means anything," he declared, glaring at Mingyu.
"What?"
"I said. See. For. Yourself."
Mingyu scoffed, a whiff of watermelon flavoured gum and some expensive-smelling cologne making its way to Wonwoo's face. "Wonwoo you're-"
Scoffing, Wonwoo pulled Mingyu's collar again, and aggressively pressed himself on him, making the taller boy splay out on the counter completely. By his body language, Wonwoo guessed Mingyu had expected this, for he showed no signs of surprise, or backing away. But that didn't mean anything, in the slightest. Mingyu's palm pushed him back seconds later, a horrified, confused, expression contorting his face.
"Doesn't mean much, huh, Kim?" Wonwoo's eyes darkened, yet a smug smile shone at Mingyu. He had clearly been successful at proving his point.
But as he left a dumb-looking Mingyu behind, he felt guilt creeping up inside for doing that to him, no matter how many times he reminded himself that Mingyu had started it all just now.
--
Wonwoo didn't leave the confines of his room for the next week. He seriously felt like dropping out, and giving up on slogging like an ass for his parents – it wouldn't be his first time considering the option. They wouldn't be able to do much either; Wonwoo was a legal adult, and he could leave and never return again. But he wouldn't; his mind would never let him.
Somewhere deep down, Wonwoo was well aware he was the only one his parents had left, after Somi. His grandparents had been rumoured to have disassociated themselves with his parents ever since their marriage. Wonwoo thought so, because he'd never really heard his grandparents ever being mentioned – not even Somi had ever said anything.
He felt like shit, buried and forgotten in some scrapyard, and he reluctantly decided to resort to the last means to calm himself. Clambering around, Wonwoo found a sharpener blade lying somewhere near his unkempt desk, and he calmly slid it across both his wrists and arms, after toying with it between his fingers.
The wave of satisfaction, and relief, wasn't here yet, when he noticed himself not feeling quite at peace – like he wanted to. Bringing the tiny blade to his wrists again, he traced over the bleeding cuts several more times. He recalled small Wonwoo always making sure to not disappoint Somi in any way, but it didn't seem as though he'd be able to do that anymore. Somi would definitely be put off if she ever knew what he'd been doing to cope all these years. Had she been here, she would have shrieked and cradled Wonwoo in a hug until she got his inner troubles out, but she couldn't do that anymore. Somi was gone.
