CHASING ASH (GXG MAFIA) BURN THE DEVIL SEQUEL

Chapter Twenty Two

"Coffee?" I offered as George removed his shoes, his neck slouched as he responded with a little hum. Taking that as a yes, I silently walk to the kitchen, preparing the coffee as my mind spirals in dread at the inevitable conversation.

"Thanks" he voiced in a low murmur, his arm resting on the dining table as he waited for me to sit down opposite him. I smile softly before sitting down to face him, my heart aching at the gray tones under his eyes. We both sat there, lost for words, unable to find the right sentence to break the tension that sat in the room like a third party.

"How is your mom?" I finally speak up, feeling as though the thickness of the air would suffocate me if I don't find something to fill the awkwardness.

"She's okay, upset but okay. Were not here to talk about my mom though" he states, his tone colder than ever before. I fix my posture, biting the inside of my cheek to focus on something other than the rollercoaster of emotions in my chest. "I want to fix it," he confessed in a blurt, as if he'd been replaying those words all this time, grasping onto the courage to say it outloud.

I silently choke on the coffee sliding down my throat, my eyes widening at his words. "What? Really? I thought we were here to talk about a divorce" i hesitated, my brows furrowing in confusion.

"I know, but I had time to think and I think we can make it work," he explained. I feel a but coming on. "but.. " he paused for a moment. God, I hope I'm not right about what he's about to say. "It needs to be ust me you and adeline, we can find a way to get her out of our lives, i can get her arrested or something or we could mov-"

"-George no, we can't do that. I can't sit here every day and pretend that everything is fine while we are both unhappy. '' I interrupt, not interested in hearing his crazy propositions. "I know i can't do that" i mutter quietly, my eyes falling to my finger circling the glass rim of my coffee.

"Do you love her?" he asks abruptly, pulling my attention back to his trained expression, his eyes shooting daggers through my soul.

"What? No of course not" i quickly respond, my words coming out in a jumble, flustered at the sudden question.

"Don't lie to me" he chided, his tone layered in resentment and betrayal.

I breathe in sharply, my palm encasing my jaw as I glance back at him. "Yes," I admit softly.

"More than me?" he insisted, his posture attempting to mask the crack in his voice.

"It's not that simple george, i love you in a different way" i try to explain, my voice soft and sympathetic.

"It's very simple, you love me in a normal way. She kidnapped you, tortured you and practically forced you to love her. You even have her name carved on your thigh!" he exclaimed, his voice now cracking shamelessly as he pauses for a moment to reflect his words once he sees my pulled expression.

"That's not fair" I rebuke, my voice mimicking the crack in his as he pierced his lips together.

He sighs deeply before reaching his arm out to place his hand over my hand resting on the table. "You're right, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I know it's not your fault" he retreated, noticing how harsh his words spilled.

"You think I wanted to be kidnapped and tortured? You think I had a choice in any of it? I know it's fucked up and bizarre to people like you that have lived a plush, trauma free life, but i cant help how i feel. The last thing I need is you out of all people to judge me like this when I've shared everything that happened, for you to just throw it back in my face." I pause to catch my breath, the lighthead migraine pulling me to breathe. "She's changed, it may sound like I'm making it all up but she has, she's gentle with me, she listens, she doesnt take her anger out on me, no matter how drunk or upset she is, she still looks at me with the softest eyes. She doesn't leave when things get hard or when I reject her, because she wants me, she loves me. And in the most fucked up way, i love her too, and i cant sit here in this relationship knowing that i love her. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to her." I exclaim in a ramble, my chest heaving slightly at the speed of my words.

His body remains completely still as he stares back at me, taking in every single word, his green eyes glistening under the overhead light. A moment of reflection settles in as I process my own words, my chest light at the confession. "How long has this been going on?" he asks softly.

My stomach churns at the question, the freshly brewed coffee now burned my nose in disgust. "Since the night that she took me to her place after you called the police" I utter, my voice a hesitant melody against the stillness of the room. The admission hung in the air, the uncomfortable truth now laid bare on the table between us. He nodded as his adams apple raised and fell as a tear fell down his freckled cheeks.

"So while I was here, worried sick, crying and dreading a phone call telling me I lost you, you were in her bed doing God knows what" he presumed, his tone wrapped in heavy loath as his jaw clenched. The room seemed to hold its breath along with me as I tried to find an answer. He was right. It's fucked up, but there is no way he could ever understand what it feels like to be in my place. My lips parted to say something, anything to defend myself, but nothing came out. I never looked at it from his perspective, all he wanted was for me to be safe and happy and here I am, dancing with the devil he swore to protect me from.

"I'm sorry" I mutter, my head hurting from all the different emotions piercing my brain, each one fighting for a chance to take charge. "I don't know what to tell you, it's so hard to explain" I admit, my eyes meeting his tired ones.

His eyes dart around as he analyzes me before they settle on the coffee mug in front of him, his hand traveling down to grab it. I watch him take a slow sip before he leans back and picks up a laptop bag and places it on the table, unzipping it in silence. Carefully, he pulls out a stack of papers from the bag before he pulls the pen from his chest shirt pocket, placing them both at the center of the table between us. "I filled out my part, I'll leave it with you for now." he states softly, "if you need help with anything let me know '' he finishes before zipping the bag closed and placing it back in its original spot. I glance between the divorce papers and him, the reality of our relationship finally feeling so real. No more waking up besides him, no more beach picnics, no more family dinners. It's over.

"You were my first crush, you know?" I speak up softly, smiling as he raises a brow for me to continue. "I liked you when we were 7 but I never had the courage to tell you, but then you met Sophie, then you met Emma. I was so obsessed with you that I would take barbie and ken and pretend it was me and you." I chuckle at the embarrassing confession, catching a little smile growing on George's face as he listens. "I was always so jealous of your girlfriends, they were so pretty and sweet, I wished you would look at me that way. Do you remember what you said to me the night before I was taken?" I ask, watching him nod as he crosses his arms over his abdomen. "I was planning to ask you out for the lunch you said we were gonna go to, but I never got the chance." I finish, my jest turning sour at the turn of events, here I am reminiscing over lost time but going back to the person that caused it all.

"I had a crush on you as well, but I never thought you liked me that way, I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I wouldn't risk losing you over a stupid crush so I dated sophie and Emma because they looked like you, they reminded me so much of you, but after a while it wasn't enough" he explains, his voice delicate like the george I fell in love with, my best friend, my other half. I dont think I'm ready to lose my George, not yet.

"Do you think we could still be friends?" I offer softly, an unwanted tear draping down my cheek.

He sighs harshly, biting his lip in a ponder. "I don't know Jane, but I know we'll forever be in eachothers lives because of Adeline. '' he assures, his tone just as hesitant as mine as we try to navigate how to deal with a situation like this. "Maybe at some point in the future, but for now I think it's best if we stick to co-parenting," he concludes.

My heart pounds for an escape, my throat sore from pushing down the flood of tears desperate to fall. "I understand," I stammered in a whisper. All the memories seemed to fade away as I gazed at his tear stricken face. My heart splitting in half as he stood up, the void left behind was palpable, a quiet ache that will linger forever at the loss of a best friend.

"I will come by tomorrow to get some more of my belongings, just let me know when you're finished reading over the papers so I can send them in" he states as I stand up to walk after him as he makes his way to the entrance.

"Okay, I won't be home tomorrow morning, so feel free to stay till lunch if you'd like" I offer with a weak smile, hoping to get a glimpse of him tomorrow, even if it's just for a quick passing moment. His eyes fell on me once more, the wild green portraying the change of seasons, the end of a chapter. I felt as though I was losing a piece of my soul, a cherished fragment of our innocence and love, slipping through my fingers as he walked away.