Life is...Love, Family, Friendship

Apologies & Denials

"Maya!"
Carina's terrified scream woke Maya with a jolt until she realized that Carina was softly snoring in her arms. 'Fuuuckkk, don't start this again.' Maya thought to herself as she pulled Carina closer to her and kissed her head. Lying there, listening to the machines hum and softly beep, Maya reflected on her last hospital stay and how she was so angry at everything-including herself. She had lashed out so badly at Carina that she was certain every day she'd be handed a manila envelope with divorce papers inside.
Since her self destructive breakdown though Maya had really worked her ass off-like she did during her Olympics training levels, to better herself on how she needed to accept help and truly appreciate the fact that life puts you on the path you need, not necessarily the one you want. She had begun doing morning reflections when she warmed up for her runs, reminding herself of all the blessings she had been gifted with. And every morning Maya's first blessing was Carina. How this woman could love her so unconditionally, through every shitty thing Maya had thrown at her was beyond belief. Carina moved beside her and Maya kissed her head again.
"Mmmm...Buongirno Bambina."
"I never said I was sorry. But I am so sorry, so incredibly sorry for what I put you through."
Carina kissed Maya's neck and laid her hand on her wife's chest.
"My love, I forgive you. I love you Maya, you know I can't stay mad at yo-"
"No. I mean, I am so sorry for what I put you through when I was having my breakdown. I was a complete asshole to you and I don't know how or why you even stayed with me. I don't deserve you Carina."
Carina lifted her head and looked at Maya, moving her fingers to trace the outline of Maya's face before slowly drawing them down to trace the outline of Maya's heart.
"Maya, tu sei il mio mondo e il mio cuore. I don't have the words-in English or Italian-to be able to explain what we share. But I know that even at your worst, you never stopped loving or wanting to protect me. You were in denial and you remember that I told you long ago what a strong force that is. I admit, I did question if I was making a mistake by not walking away, but in the moment the question formed, POOF, e svanito complemente. Every time. Maya, I wish we didn't have to go through the pain and hurt that we did, but I am actually relieved that it happened. We have broken so many of the patterns that our fathers pushed on us. We are still learning, but every day with you-even the bad ones-feel so good, because of our fantastico love story."
"You know that woman at the market was right, you are an angel. And I will spend every day I have left loving you so that I-"
Carina leaned over and kissed Maya before she could finish her sentence. Keeping her lips close to Maya's, Carina whispered.
"I love you and I choose you, always."
Maya smiled and kissed her wife.
"Using my own vows huh? You are good Doctor Deluca."
Carina's eyes sparkled as she smiled and kissed Maya back.

"Yes...I understand...no, she's right here with me...ok...can we do it tomorrow? Yes...here at my office in the hospital?...Yes, three is perfect...ok, I will let Maya know...thank you, see you then."
Carina hung up as Maya stared at her.
"Tomorrow? Seriously? What am I going to do, have them roll my bed into your office?"
"Ok listen, just hear me out. I can have you brought upstairs and we can get you all set up behind my desk. No one will know that you are still a patient. Bambina we've waited so long for this day, let's not wait any longer to officially make Liam ours.  Please my love?"
"Well good luck getting Teddy to sign off on that. I'm not getting involved like AT ALL in trying to convince her. Let's just say it's a good thing Miranda is still watching Liam because you know what she would say."
"She would say it's about time we got the paperwork signed. Everyone has been waiting for this. Not since Ben and Miranda got Pru has the entire station been this nervous about an adoption. You'll see Bella, it will be just fine."
"All I know is that if Teddy does agree, you are going to have to bring me something decent to wear and some makeup so I don't look like death warmed over. Honestly I don't know how you've been able to look at me, I haven't looked this horrible since my first meeting with Diane in the apartment."
"My love, you know you take my breath away no matter what. But to make you more comfortable I will make sure to get you whatever you want from home. Of course that means that I'll have to leave you here alone for a while. And if I leave you alone, you have to promise me you won't try to get out of that bed. If you stay there until at least just before the meeting, you'll have plenty of energy for the interview without it stressing your body too much. Capisce?"
"Are you going to give me a spanking if I don't?"
Maya bit her lower lip as a seductive smile spread across her face. Carina just shook her head as she returned a smile.
"Basta Bambina! You need to conserve your strength. There will be plenty of opportunities once you've healed."
"Do you even know how much you drive me over the edge when you turn me down?"
"Si, I do know very well. But your cuteness won't break me down this time. I want to vaffanculo finche non vieni so badly my panties are wet right now just thinking about it. But we have to be good! We have to focus on getting you healed before we have sex again."
"Mmmm, your panties are wet? Come over here and let me feel them for myself."
"Maya! You are implacbile! I have to go and find Teddy and get tomorrow's details set. You just stay there in bed. I'm going to have the nurse bring you a big glass of ice water to cool you off!"
"Can you at least leave your panties here with me then?"
Carina shot Maya an exasperated but sexy smile as she shook her head and turned to leave the room. Maya exhaled loudly and grabbed her own breasts as watched her wife's ass walk away.
"I love you!"
"I know."