Gehenna's Gate

Close To Heaven

What am I even supposed to say?

It was the following morning, actually a quite gloomy and foggy one at that. The clouds looked especially heavy this time, the looming threat of rain obvious in the grey fluff above.

'Hey mom! I think I've finally mentally snapped! I'm hallucinating heavily and I think I may be going to school with multiple potential murders! It's no big deal though, just figured I'd keep you updated!'

Vena couldn't help but scoff at herself, unable to keep from trying to joke about the situation in her mind while she continued her early morning run.

This was a common occurrence whenever she had trouble sleeping and couldn't clear her mind. Did she have school in about an hour or two? Of course, but it's not like her brain was letting her get any solid rest anyway. Why not try turning such a restless and boring night into a productive morning run and pray the mixture of serotonin and adrenaline released from it would be enough to get her through the day?

Again, she thought back, the details hazy but the feeling of how real everything she saw was still so overwhelming.

Was she seeing things others couldn't? A glimpse into the future perhaps? Hell, she was convinced Xiao could speak directly into her mind, who's to say she didn't develop some crazy type of power overnight too?

Or was that just another side effect of insanity?

Had the past few months really decayed her mind beyond repair? Distorted her sense of reality?

Nothing made sense and she was sick of it. Sick of feeling like something ominous was constantly looming in the darkness.

Sick of happiness always being a fleeting dream, something unattainable even when times were okay.

Sick of always feeling like there was a void inside her that could never be filled, like something was missing and would never be found.

Sick of not being able to make sense of it all, or know which path to take. Of who to trust or what to believe.

Of always feeling so very alone despite being in a room full of people. Despite everyone knowing her name, but no one truly knowing her.

She was stuck in a constant cycle of being okay one day and falling apart the next.

Suffocated by so many negative emotions.

Fear, guilt, regret, distrust, apathy, loneliness.

Sick of simply surviving and not really living.

What kind of existence was this?

' Mayday, mayday, the ship is slowly sinking
They think I'm crazy but they don't know the feeling
They're all around me circling like vultures
They wanna break me and wash away my colors '

Her alarm began to beep, signaling she needed to return home and take a shower to get ready for school.

At least her body physically felt better, but the same couldn't really be said for her mind. No matter how much time she spent thinking, she'd never find the answers she so desperately craved.

Turning back around, she clicked the button to turn up the volume of her music to finish her run as she headed back in the direction of home.

" I cannot stop this sickness taking over
It takes control and drags me into nowhere
I need your help; I can't fight this forever
I know you're watching, I can feel you out there "

The song was one of her favorites, she resonated strongly with it and had it on repeat often. It described how she felt most of the time pretty well, and it was nice to feel like she could relate so heavily to something.