Gehenna's Gate

Penance

"What's on your mind right now, Angel?" A voice called out to her, soft and sweet once she'd finally left the bathroom after a steaming hot shower.

Xiao had given her a change of his clothes to wear, and as always, his signature scent had a mysterious way of always somehow soothing her nerves, even if it was just a little.

How to put everything she was feeling into words... It was nearly impossible. So much had happened, it was hard to even focus directly on one thing at a time, and her body ached on top of it all, screaming for rest.

It was around two in the morning now. She'd always been a night owl, but usually she was asleep by now, at least on most normal nights where her anxiety wasn't wreaking havoc on her mind.

There was no point in dodging it, and she was too exhausted to bother trying in the first place.

"I don't know how to answer that without practically monologuing an entire book to you." Vena attempted to laugh, but it was more pathetic than it was actually trying to be funny.

Xiao's expression softened a bit, almost as if he felt bad for her, but she knew it was more likely concern than pity.

"Come here, my love." He lulled, both hands circling her wrists to pull her in before he intertwined their fingers, gently pulling her toward the bedroom as she followed pliantly.

"Lay down."

Maybe any other time, butterflies would frolic in her chest and her skin would lit up with fire, but not today, not now.

Without a compliant or question, she tiredly climbed into his bed, lying down on her side, eyes lazily gazing over toward the nightstand where she'd placed her father's journal.

The mattress dipped beside her as Xiao got in next to her, lying down by her on his side as well but facing her.

Gently, the tips of his fingers slid across the skin of her arm, leaving goosebumps in his wake as she softly hummed, the noise itself sounding content.

"Try and relax as best as you can, and just tell me whatever comes to mind... I'm here for you through everything, baby." Xiao's voice was so soft, so light, the words causing her heart to squeeze painfully in her chest in her vulnerable state.

Oddly enough, that helped. That was something she needed to hear, but she couldn't admit it. Her life-long habit of never really feeling able to connect to anyone or feel safe around them left her isolated, and while she was okay with it while she had Rae... She felt so painfully alone now.

"I feel like there's a hollow pit in my chest now." Vena spoke slowly, simply letting the words flow as they came like he'd suggested, even if the thoughts were scattered.

"I've always been introverted. I never craved a ton of friends, or to be popular and loved by everyone... I just wanted to be happy. I just wanted a small circle of people I could trust, that I felt safe around and didn't have to keep my mask on for... Rae was all I ever really needed in a friend, she was the perfect fit for me. We weren't perfectly matched, if anything, we were almost polar opposites- yet I've never wanted anything more than who she was to me. She was family, without a doubt. And now, she's just... gone." Vena's voice faltered as the last word fell from her lips, the first tear of many making its decent down her face.

"I don't know if I did the right thing, but I didn't want to risk being selfish. I'd never forgive myself if she died because I couldn't let her go. I feel like I had to make this decision to keep her safe and as far away from whatever mess I've gotten myself into this time- but I also don't know if I can handle not having her in my life." A sob forced her to pause, Xiao's hand coming up to affectionately tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear as he propped himself up on his other elbow so he could look down at her face from behind her.