Undercare|| Fyozai

•Chapter seven

From never and everytime,

Dear Dazai,

I know you for some reasen to ignore my leters, its same as talking with an wall at this point, but i still feel some comfort letting my emotions floud on the paper, just to be seen or not seen by empty eyes that are yours.

Everything is fine now. The Gogol kid hardly comes to give us the newspaper, now more like weeklypaper, stll scaped and marked, edited but im glad i dont have to see him. When he comes instead of me now Fyodor opens the doors. And I can hear them wispearing, talking, the Gogol is sometimes looking behind my brother shoulder to see if im watching them. I am. But I cant hear them and I would like to belive Fyodor and Gogol are just friends and have some chit-chat, i belive Fyodor would tell me if something happened.

But im still too dizzy, the day and night are blured togerther. Sometimes i close my eyes at the dinner and open my eyes staring at the ceiling of my room. Fyodor says i falled a sleep while eating. Writing an letter takes me around an entire day. I cant help but get all dizzy and blurry or simply pass out middle of anything.

Fyodor says its okey and he always takes care of me when i do that, he is so patient with me its scary. I cant really hold much or long conversaitions anymore and it starts to nag me. Even tho Fyodor says its fine I am planning to cut off my sleeping pills so i can acually act like an human being and not an walking corpse.

And that I remember it. The rooms smell like corpses. Every single room smells like rotting and reeking unalive human fresh and meat. And i notice that smell been for years now, but never this strong. My nose got used to it in an few days that was filled with a lot of trowing up and passing out but now i dont even notice. And Fyodor also agrees there is an bad smell but that im being overdramatic.

Maybe he is right, i feel my body and mind getting weeker more sensetive by the day.

-Miheal Dostovasky

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This morning Dazai wakes up to the ear streaching sound of stray dogs on the streets, unable to open his eyes or give a meaning why would they even want to ruin his morning like this. But it wasnt acually ruinned, he knew it and felt it.

The guest bedroom that Fyodor gave and the younger was staying in was pretty casual and comfy. Almost everything white, soft pillows and rock hard matress, there was an beautifull view from here. High, just full of grey and lifeless boring buildings decoredet with snow all over and around them, the soft yellow lightning and apperantly barking stray dogs on the empty streets. A little too empty.

...

Whatever.

Dazai trows him out the warm bed workingly, grabs and sweater and forces his lazly unwilling legs to work his way to the kitchen where again, following the delicous smell. "Morning." Dazai trows himself to the chair. "Goodmorning, Dazai." Fyodor is yet again, cooking. Acually cooking something unique that Dazai hasnt seen before. "Whats that?" Dazai wrinkles his nose, reaching out to have an better look and idea of what masterpiece Fyodor is making today.

"A tradiconal food." Fyodor replies happily. Sometimes at mornings Fyodor has that energy, he is happy, joyfully and full of energy but close to the afternoon, he gets tired really easily or Dazai catchs Fyodor taking naps on the coach and sits next to him to read his books witout getting caught. "Russian food?" "Nope."

Dazai gives Fyodor an wierd look, Why are you even cooking this for me then? Why your so happy. But Dazai decides to not say these outloud. After all, its too early for Dazai to listen to Fyodor's shit and something Dazai learned last night- Fyodor can understand what Dazai wants to say acually instead of what words he is saying and Dazai can understand what Fyodor wants to say but doesnt from his eyes and the other way around- and to be honest it scares Dazai.

Dazai never acually looked for compatition, sure sometimes someone close to his level was amusing but Dazai liked to do things the easy way, with less trouble and energy, he doesnt wants someone like Mori in his way but the wierd thing he has with Fyodor is more like an unspoken rule day made a few days ago.

Even if Fyodor or Dazai notices the other saying something they dont mean or understand what they want to say, they never say anything about it or question the other, rather just act and keep silent. So its like an easy way to cominicate that also makes Dazai creeped up and also relaxed around Fyodor. Things are easier and comfier with him and Dazai likes that way.

While Fyodor always looked for compatition, his whole life people, belivers, said he was one and only. The greatest of all and unstople. But he was so high seen that he was lonely. Compaletly lonely. He was so alone he felt like for the first time he was human that time. That he needed to stop being lonely or he was going to burn and rotten all inside and rip his skin out to make a friend out of it.

Closes thing he got to a friend was his family, the only people who dont look up to him but look down or away. Like his parents. But his brother was fine, caring but scared boy. Fyodor knew and could see Miheal wanting to come close to him and acually act like brothers but he was too scared from Fyodor's gift, his ability.

So when he tried and tried, and failed everytime. Fyodor noticed he didnt need friends, they would only bring more lonliness and disapointment but he started to look for a soulmate.

"Just trying new things." Fyodor finaly decides to speak, mixing the meneman. He pours the food to the pan on the table. "Not hungry." Fyodor frowns, deep, and Dazai doesnt likes this, it reminds him the morning that he liked Fyodor the least.

Fyodor sighs deeply and instead of taking the seat infront Dazai, he takes the seat next to Dazai and so gently and awfully slowly grabs Dazai's face, his cold slander fingers ghosting on the youngers cheeks, his tumb is slowly caressing his cheek and for some reasen Dazai didnt even felt suprised when Fyodor got too touchy all of a sudden, for some reasen Dazai felt familiar emotion but couldnt put his finger on it.

"Im sorry Dazai, you know i am."

Dazai just hums in understoodment, he feels almost tired of these sorry talks, it reminds him of when he was younger and Mori was trying to calm him down after the drugs effects go out. But familitary makes Dazai relax, an effect that Dazai hates and doesnt understand how Mori has over him.

"Dazai look at me. You are cold."

Dazai was already looking at him but Fyodor ment to focuse on him. Fyodor leaned towards the younger, his knee sliding between Dazai's thighs, just to be closer. "I dont like physical you know?"

Fyodor giggles and nods, slowly letting go of Dazai's cheeks, leaving an empty feeling. "Yes dear, you told me."

Fyodor stands up and grabs Dazai's hand too, pulling and leading him to the large livingroom and pulls him towards the floor, on the nest with louds of fluffy blankets of Dazai's choice and force-sits him down and follows him down, he wraps his arms around the youngers waist and sits between his legs, puts Dazai's slander legs around his hips that they are literly cuddling.

Fyodor lays his head down on Dazai's chest, right where he can listen to the calm heartbeats of the brunet.

"Fyodor, what are you doing?." Dazai says, he isnt uncomfy, its warm and Dazai feels cold, so cold. It may be the weather and also just the fact he hasnt seen the sun for so long and its no good.

Fyodor smiles widely, runnings hşs slander light hand gjosting up and down the youngers face, "You were made for me Dazai, i know it." Fyodor saya a little too confidently. "Ha! Im not madd for anyone, your being silly creep."

Creep. That was all he thinked when he first met Fyodor, how and when his openion changed so fast and he started to see him as an friend?

Fyodor hums an tone, closing the distanxe betweem them, "ı have been waiting for this for hundrets of years..."

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•end of the chapter lol.

•i normaly have writen this chapter way longer and i think better but i just learned i think Wattpad has an word limit so everything i have weote just vanished so yeah.

(Pry for me ;(()