Fate's Chance 2

9

Song: Stealin' Love by Leigh-Anne

Bella

Not a single bone in my body moved as I stared at the ceiling. Surprisingly although the bed was huge and fluffy, I couldn't find comfort in lying in it so here I was on the floor. I don't know how long I've been paralyzed like this but I imagine it's been a few hours.

After feeling overwhelmed with my emotions earlier, I decided to take a long hot bath and to just meditate. I'd plan to get dress and join the rest of the crew for dinner but I never got dressed. I dried off and hid under a large white bath robe and simply ....laid on the floor. I did mister up the strength to notify Jade of my absence through text message to which she just liked the message and never replied. That was hours ago and yet I'm still here staring at the ceiling as if it was the night sky filled with stars.

I think this was much needed. To just be stationed in one spot, off of my feet, and not moving a single muscle.

The funny thing about depression is that it comes in waves. At least for me it does. I was diagnosed with severe depression about a year ago, right after the breakup. I was already having problems mentally before but the breakup really sent me into a deep hole that I've never crawled my way out of.

I've been on "happy" pills since I was a teenager due to attempting to unalive myself a long time ago but they never seemed to work. But someone did work rather than a pill. My time with him made me the happiest person in the world. There wasn't a worry in my mind. Shit, there wasn't even a single thought in my mind when I was with him. I was so secure and safe just by being in his presence that there was no need for me to use my brain for anything. So how did we end up like this?

Anyway...usually I could handle the sudden emotional waves but this time, it's like I underestimated how big the wave was and it's coming to drown me. I hate how dark I sound even in my own head but it's the best way I could describe what I'm feeling. Mental health is no joke and it ain't pretty all the time.

Damn seeing him after all this time really has had a huge affect on me. I don't think I have the courage to stay and see him again. Maybe I should go home and get back to work. I have loads to do anyway and it could be a distraction from my thoughts. A heavy workload is honestly what keeps me sane.

Knock Knock

I remained silent hoping the person would go away. Does he or she not know that the sign "do not disturb" means?

Knock Knock Knock

I groaned before forcing myself up from the hard ground and slowly walking to the door. Without even checking through the peephole, I swung the door open. I froze shocked to see him standing in front of me

"Can we talk..."

I knew there was only an amount of time before we would face each other and address the huge elephant in the room.

"Can I come in?" Without uttering a word I walked away leaving both the door and him behind "take that as a yes..." I heard him mumble before shutting the door. "Wow, your room is a lot nicer than mine, maid of honor treatment?"

I rolled my eyes as I crossed my arms over my chest. I wasn't up for any small talk or any form of talking for that matter. He stood a great distance away, slowly bringing his eyes to mine. His body language said that he was extremely uncertain on the atmosphere and he had had every reason to be. There's no telling how this conversation may go, especially since I've been drinking here on this floor.