Tied between two

To promise her always..

For two whole weeks, Anna sat in her room in the mental institute. She was aloud no visits for the risk of slowing her progress. that meant that no matter how much she begged, she saw nothing of her family or friends -not that they tried to see her anyways- in fact, the only person who did try to visit was Brody's mother, as sweet as she was, she still wasn't aloud in to see Anna. Throughout the two weeks, Anna merely sat quietly; drew some pictures; and attended her counselling sessions, which were pointless because she didn't talk much about how she felt regardless of the situation.
Somehow she did it, she made it through. She suffered through all of the nurses false comfort and all the screams that joined together in the night. On the morning of January 23rd, Anna took her first step outside since she had collapsed a few weeks before. It was snowing, heavily, and Anna loved it. The nurse stood and watched her run into the snow, laughed when she fell to the floor. Anna glanced up to the sky. it was beautiful. she noticed that some of the patients were looking out of their windows, also smiling at Anna's child-like behavior.
Anna's sister came to pick her up, handing her a coat. the coat. the one Brody had bought her for christmas, it still smelt new. Anna got up off the ground, walked over to her sister and took the coat.
"you alright now then?" her sister asked, gesturing her to the direction of the car. She nodded in responce, Anna knew she wasn't fine, she knew she never would be, but what was she to other than enjoy this snow day. The nurse ran up and handed anna's sister a health pack entailing everything Anna would need for a full and miraculous recovery. Everybody was so shocked to hear that Anna made it out of the institute so quickly, but she knew exactly why. Anna had walked politely, she smiled and lied about everything she felt and dreamed about, when the councillor asked her. In the end, they simply marked her down as having and extreme emotional breakdown brought on by post- traumatic stress disorder, obviously caused by Brody's death. The councillor often tried to talk about Brody, bring up some happy memories, but Anna would never say anything. She would only fake a smile and pretend like she was reminiscing, but inside she was screaming, trying not to cry.

The drive home was slow and quiet. the grit salt on the road made it easier to drive but everyone still drove half of what they would normally have drove. Anna could hear the salt crunching beneath the tires as they drove. When they arrived home, Anna noticed a cat walking over to the house, trying to disturb the patch of untouched snow in their front garden. Anna stumbled over and swooped up the cat, cradled it in her arms like a baby, just before i could reach the patch of snow. She checked for a collar and couldn't find one. She also noticed that the cat was fairly skinny so she pronounced it a stray, then she carried it inside the house. Anna looked from the cat to her sister, who was giving her a slightly confused look, and said, "you can name him, as long as you do it tomorrow." then she walked into the kitchen and grabbed some cooked chicken from out of the fridge and made some gravy, placing it all in a bowl for the cat to eat, to which it did rather quickly and messily. Anna stroked the cat, still eating, and grabbed her bag heading upstairs to her room. she walked in still feeling uninvited. She put her bag down on top of the bed and began unpacking everything. She was putting some clothes away into her chest of drawers when she noticed that Brody still had his headphones lying tangled on the top of them. Everything ran back through her head: the uni trips; the romance; the office talk; the counselling; the fight; the truck; and all the way up to when she held Brody dead in her arms. At that moment, she put away the final few pieces of clothing, grabbed some paint from a box under her bed and found a paintbrush. She began writing on the wall. it read, "I promised Brody his always."
A few hours later, she had organised some mementos into a few boxes. The boxes were labelled:
-Brody's mother
-The Family

-Friends (well, mainly Anita)

then she wrote a letter,
I was going to go against the whole cliche of writing a letter but i thought an explanation was needed. i will begin with an apology, i'm sorry. I am truly sorry for all the grief i have caused to anyone and to whoever i will give more grief to. im sorry for all the lies i told and all the mean words i have said. i apologize for what i am about to do, well when you read this it will be what i did. i guess you're going to want to know why i did it. i have one word, 'always.' For my whole life i have felt like i don't truly belong, until i got Brody, he was my always. now, he was my forever, my always and i had always promised that we would have it. i saw our love like that of Romeo and Juliet, because it was never truly accepted but it was powerful, and unbreakable, but i never thought that it would be as closely defined as dying for our love, but in perspective, it has come to this. i will state now that i lied my way out of rehab and i dont regret what i did. i am still glad for killing Ben, i hope Anita can forgive me, or at least signify why i did it.
Now i have some requests:
- i want to be cremated

- i don't want my room preserved
- i want my clothes donated to charity
-i want my ashes scattered in Canada, Russia and Greece because then i can say that im resting in a beautiful place

Thats all i can say.
Stay fabulous, and remember no-one is to wear any black to my funeral (its too flattering)

Love Anna x

She folded the note and left it on her pillow. She climbed atop her windowsill and looked down. A pile of stones lay roughly and carelessly just below her window, thinly covered in snow. That was her destination after the two story drop. She dangled her legs out the window and positioned herself. It was still snowing, she looked up at the sky just as Anita walked into her room.
"what are you doing?!" She exclaimed
"I'm doing what he asked me too..." Anna tried to explain.
"get down off the windowsill, Anna please!" Anita steppe forward a bit closer and stubbed her toe on one of the boxes.
"im sorry, but always.." She smiled and jumped.